All mothers are amazing.

As a tribute to Women's History Month, I wanted to share my story - about an amazing woman who was, and remains, the single greatest influence in my life - my Momma. I tried to write a couple of times ... and then realized that the eulogy I had written for her funeral encapsulated who she was as best as anything written ever could. She was the heart of our family - and I miss her every day, even as I strive to live up to her legacy. (Beware: This is a long post, and I will not be offended if you do not finish.)

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Marcia M. Ward June 12, 1922 - October 30, 2010

All mothers are amazing women.?

What they teach us, how they love us, how they help us in a myriad of ways we never fully grasp, is all just part and parcel of being a “Mom”.?It is the most wonderful job in the whole world and one that is never fully appreciated by those for whom a Mom “works” until they become a “Mom” themselves.?Notice I did not say ‘parent’, I said "Mom”, because I do think while equally important, a Mom’s job and a Dad’s job are different.

But I am not here to discuss the politics of parenting, I am here to tell you about an amazing woman, and a Mom who among a world of amazing mothers has truly been above and beyond expectations, more than the hopes of her children, her husband, her family.

Momma started out her life as the 7th child of Italian immigrants.?She was daughter number 6, and even after the birth of the 8th child, my Uncle Sonny, she remained the youngest girl and so completely owned my Grandfather’s heart.?Her sisters thought she was spoiled; she said she was loved.

Grandpa was strict even with her but with that way of Italian men, even he knew she had him wrapped around her little finger.?Her older sisters certainly knew it, as they often used Momma as a screen for their bad behavior: Auntie Mickey would tell Grandpa she was taking Momma to the library, but once down the street, she would re-dress herself and my Mom into party clothes, take her to a dance hall and sit her in a corner with a doll and some candy, where Momma would while away the afternoon while Auntie Mickey danced ‘with boys’.?When they got home, Grandpa would ask Momma where she spent her afternoon and without fail, Momma would reply: at the library, Pa.

Momma grew up to love dancing, and pretty clothes, but she also grew up with a strong sense of family and responsibility and understood the meaning of duty.?In 1941, when the world came crashing down after Pearl Harbor, Momma knew that she could not sit by and watch as her two brothers joined the Navy to fight the good fight.?She marched herself down to the recruiting office and signed up, too, becoming a WAVE.?To calm Grandma down, Uncle Vincent, Mom’s older brother and staunch ally, stood up for her choice, and even though Mrs. Moriello tried to lock Momma in a steamer trunk to keep the government from taking her away and save her to marry her eldest son, Mom broke out of her small community and headed off into the big scary world … on her own.?Something Italian-American girls did not do in the early 1940s.

Momma loved the Navy – but on her terms.?To absolutely no one’s surprise, Momma had her uniforms custom-tailored and because Momma could not learn to drive (and believe me, the guys in the motor pool tried), she had a personal driver. She did get to travel but spent most of the war stationed in Norfolk, Virginia where she was a Yeoman First Class and secretary/office administrator for a US Naval flight crew.?When Mom got homesick, the pilots would fly her home to Boston to visit Gramma.?

When the war was over, she came home to figure out just what to do with the rest of her life.?She had a date with Daddy, whom she had known since they were 4 years old, but he was running late.?So she decided, packed her bags and was on the way out of the house and down the stairs, back to Norfolk to re-up.?Daddy was running down the street and up the stairs, knowing he was late to meet Momma … he caught her just in time … she always said that if he had been just 5 more minutes behind, she’d have been gone … instead he asked her to marry him and she said yes.

They had known each other since they were 4 years old and they were husband and wife for more than 56 years, so spent roughly 76 years in each others’ lives.?They had rough times and they had happy times; they raised 3 children together and fulfilled every parents hope, they were able to provide a life that was more than that with which they had grown up.?They buried their parents and many of their siblings, and bore the unbearable pain of burying a child together.

My Momma and Daddy were part of the Greatest Generation.?They did what they had to do and didn’t complain about it.?They worked hard, they loved deeply, and forever.

When we were kids, we would sit and listen to their stories, sometimes very intently, sometimes rolling our eyes. But when I think of my parents, I remember the shouting and the laughter, the food and family get togethers, and the dancing …. Because no one could dance like Momma and Daddy.

My Mom had great legs … Betty Grable legs …legs that Tina Turner wishes she had.?And she could dance.?When Momma was in the Navy, and went out to dances or parties, she would get asked to dance often but the first thing she did was ask where the guy was from … She was very particular about with whom she danced and she would turn you down if she thought you were a ‘rube’.?Her favorite dance partner was Daddy, and I remember watching my parents at weddings and parties … they would get up to jitterbug and the floor would clear …. Even in their late 70s, people would stop dancing and circle them on the floor, watching their moves.?They were really something to see – not because they did fancy flips or “Dancing with the Stars” kinds of things – but because they danced, smoothly, well, as true partners, with each other and with the music.?They could improvise as a team and it came across as seamlessly as if it had all been choreographed and rehearsed for weeks … I guess that is because they knew each other so well, had been through so much together, and that, regardless of what problems life threw at them, they knew that together they could work it through – in life or on the dance floor.

Mom also loved the movies – if I had a dime for every story she told about “going to the Madison”, well, I might not be able to retire but I certainly would have a lot of disposable cash.?Her love of the movies was passed onto us.?She taught us to appreciate a good story, that watching a good movie time and again you should still be able to learn something new, something you had not noticed before.?She loved good dramas, suspense, and some romance.?Momma loved Tyrone Power and Errol Flynn, but she was hooked on Lana Turner, Susan Hayward and Joan Crawford.?One of her most favorite movies was Green Dolphin Street, and of course, Imitation of Life … as Mom would say “there’s nothing like a good cry to make you feel better”. So between the melodrama and her ‘crying music’, we could always tell when Momma was feeling under-appreciated.

Momma was also a fantastic cook … although she certainly did not start out that way.?Daddy loved to tell the story of how she could not even boil eggs when they first got married and how her first lasagna had to be thrown into the trash.?But from those less than stellar beginnings, Mom learned, and became a wonderful cook who has taught many of her nieces and family friends “The DeSimone and Rossetti Family secrets”.

But for Momma, her greatest accomplishment in life is her children.?She so much wanted to become a mother and it nearly broke her heart when, after 6 years of marriage, she and Daddy were told that it was not going to happen … So, when in year 7 they found out Cyndee was on her way, they truly felt they had been granted a miracle.?And while Bobby and I may think of Cyndee as having been ‘the anointed one’, I think objectively we would have to admit that Mom and Dad were able to give us each all that we needed and most of what we wanted growing up.?I know that many of our extended family and friends would consider the 3 of us “spoiled” but to them I respond as Momma would have “not spoiled, just loved”.

My Mom dedicated her life to her kids … she was a magnificent money manager and a powerhouse organizer.?She was strong physically and emotionally and able to revel in the joys and bear the burdens life dealt her, sometimes with grace and poise, and sometimes just simply by working heads down until she got us through it and onto the next.

We were not wealthy and in fact, we were poor … but Mom was able to manage.?Private school, a summer home on Plum Island to get us out of the city, college; Mom and Dad did without so that we did not.?When we were kids, I don’t think we understood the sacrifices and certainly I don’t think things even registered as such, but as adults, as parents, Bobby and I can appreciate now just what our parents did for us.

I know that for me, having my daughters helped change my relationship with my Mom.?Momma hated to fly, especially over water, and she really did not do well in countries where English was not the main language as anyone who has ever heard the “Cyndee and Bonnie take Marcia to Quebec” stories can attest.?However, in 1998, when I found out Creighton was waiting for me in ChangDe, China, Mom surprised us all by volunteering to come on my adoption trip.?To be honest, I did not think that even an enticement of that much Chinese food would get her on the plane … but she did not want me to go it alone, and she wanted to be present at the arrival of her grand-daughter … so, she got her shots and obtained a passport …and sat, cramped in coach, from Boston to New York, to Vancouver, to Hong Kong, to Beijing.?And she spent a whirlwind 9 days, in August, without ice, with 8 other families of strangers, and stood in the elevator lobby of the Hua Tian Hotel late at night, waiting for a miracle to arrive.

Mom became the honorary Gramma to all of the girls on that trip and her support through those early days and weeks of motherhood transformed our personal relationship.

Creighton brought a light back into my Mom’s eyes and a lift to my Dad’s step that had been gone since Cyndee’s death.?People in Newburyport would remark to me that it was wonderful to see my parents alive again.?The 5 years since Cyndee’s passing had truly taken a toll that having Creighton around seemed to ease.

So it was little surprise that 3 years later, when it was time to return to China to welcome Reilly into our family, Mom’s bags were packed early and she was first in line for that trip back to Hunan.

Having 2 daughters opened my eyes to the difficulties and rewards of parenting multiple children.?I developed a much deeper appreciation of my Mom’s abilities to juggle needs and priorities and understand now that loving equally does not mean loving the same.?Each child is unique and requires different parenting, different skills of mothering … and I appreciate now the nuances of Momma’s style.

My Mom had a huge heart … and I am grateful in so many ways for the life lessons being her daughter afforded me the opportunity to learn.

But as compassionate and soft-hearted as Momma was, she was also a force with which to be reckoned.?She was strong, independent, organized, and effective.?I often wonder how the course of my Mom’s life might have been different if she had been born in another era.?She raised both Cyndee and I to be like her, as much as I would not have been able to acknowledge that when I was younger, and she raised Bobby to respect, appreciate, and cherish strong, independent women.

My Mom was the mom all of our friends wished they had had, and she, in turn, became a mother, or grandmother, to everyone who entered our family circle.

My friends and colleagues tell me that I am a collector of people, that is an art I learned from my Mom and one of her gifts I cherish most.?To be able to gather people around you, and enjoy them for themselves is something at which Momma excelled.?She would always make you feel welcome in her home and she was always thrilled to have someone ‘just stop by’.

To her credit, most everyone felt the same way about her.?She was fun, she was interesting, and she could make you laugh.?She had a way of making everyone feel at home in her presence and so people wanted to be in her presence.

With her passing, Bobby and I are, officially, adults … on our own, operating without a net … But secure in the knowledge that both Momma and Daddy have done their job well and the lessons they taught us will be passed on to our children, and so on … Momma will live on, in us, and in each person who’s life she has touched.

And that is a testament to a life well-lived.

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