All Moms Are Working Moms: A Harmonious Perspective

There was a shift when I became a mom.

All parents feel this way, but moms have this intrinsic transfer of priorities the moment they become a mom. Suddenly, you are transported into a place where your needs fall to the wayside and you have a tiny person who is your sole focus. There are connections and feelings that you're forever going to have when you become a mother, so there is an inclination for her to bear more of the responsibilities.?

I don’t like dividing working and stay-at-home mothers into separate categories, because we all work hard and care for our families and homes. There are enough challenges faced by moms and how society views them. But why separate them further?

That is why I recognize all moms as working moms.?

It wasn’t until I became a mom that I realized the work that moms put in, day in and day out. Yes, before kids, you have empathy for a mom’s workload, but you never really know the true joy, anxiety, excitement, frustration, and love—all that mothers experience, day in, day out as a caregiver. And then the mental burden—the planning of lunches, packing bags, doctor appointments, coordinating playdates, pickups, drop-offs, and remembering to sign up for sports and activities. Oh, and let’s not forget grocery shopping and meal planning every week! The duties may shift from mom to mom, family to family, but this never-ending parade of to-do items is a commonality between moms. Even with the best, most supportive partner, moms are shouldering many of these tasks and more. There are no off days for moms. We are always looking out for our family and home.

I have done both—I have stayed at home with my boys and now I am back in the workforce. What surprised me the most is the work that being a stay-at-home mom entailed! We seem to have accepted that being at home with your kids is the “easy way” but that couldn’t be further from the truth—I’ve always said it’s easier to negotiate with an executive than a toddler. And I stand by that statement. As a society, we need to recognize the immense value that caregiving brings. While we've made some improvements, there are still areas of opportunity, specifically for women and moms, where we have yet to fully address the importance of caregiving and the integral function it brings to our entire economy!?

Anne-Marie Slaughter’s book, Unfinished Business, explores caregiving and its value in depth—I recommend it to all moms, new and old, and to their partners as well. It helps bring perspective to the issue through candid observations around the human experience and real solutions to help society value what mothers do while also giving women the chance to have a career.?

My return to corporate made one thing glaringly obvious: being a stay-at-home mom or a career mom is HARD. Both require sacrifices and compromises. Both require hard work, which is why I am so adamant to recognize and categorize moms as working moms—just because the duties differ doesn’t mean we should lessen them.

I was fortunate both to have the choice to return to work (I know many moms do not have the luxury of choice) and to have a boss who allowed me to transition back at my pace. In fact, while pregnant with my youngest, Michael, I collaborated with my boss to set up a suitable maternity leave. And as the architect behind Second Front’s paternity policy, I incorporated flexibility, adaptability and ample time to help parents—especially moms—return to work feeling supported and their caregiving valued.?

For all working moms, I encourage you to ask for help. It takes a village for a reason. Our society has shifted into this bizarre competition where it’s rare to hear moms talk about how hard it is, how moms today are juggling a lot more responsibilities than previous generations, and that no matter what, they should appear put together and perfect—always. And we all know that is not reality.?

Let’s move away from “perfection” and into perspective.?

As a mom, I find my harmony through perspective, because perspective helps keep you grounded. I remember so vividly when I was up in the middle of the night with a hungry, crying baby, I would close my eyes and know, in my heart of hearts, that I am not the only mother who's up right now doing the same thing. Even if you might feel you're alone, you’re not. That’s perspective. And a reminder that we are not in competition with each other. We’re all doing our best, and we’re all in this together, even if our paths may look different.?

This perspective followed me as I returned to the workforce. I know I am not the only mom making tough decisions, for example I can’t have my oldest, Leo, with me at home all day while I work, but I can go read to his class on a Tuesday—a harmonious action that impacts both of our well-being. I had to work on accepting this difference, and it was a challenge at first. The twangs of guilt when I would open up my social media and see moms at the park with their kids. It took some time off these apps, creating firm boundaries, having deep conversations with my husband, Matt, and working through my feelings to find my harmony as MY version of a working mom.?

And I encourage you to find yours, because all moms are working moms!