Not all managers are leaders, not all leaders are managers, but here is how you can manage to lead

As woman of colour, having started my post-secondary working career at the age of 23 at a higher education institution in a unionized position, I was conditioned to believe that I was in my place and that I should be grateful to have a job and therefore behave obediently.?That I should keep my head down and do my work, always being grateful that I was able to secure a full-time permanent job during the peak of the great recession of 2008.?How did I get to be here? Do I deserve this??

12 years later, I look back and recognize how it is that I am where I’m currently at.?Empowering female leadership.?To this day, I am grateful for the several women who took a chance on me. I will never forget the individuals who advocated for me because they saw something in me. I owe much of where I am today to the subtle and ever overt mentorship and guidance from strong female leaders who leveraged their privilege and position and recognized my potential.

Of course, I can’t discount the values and principles of effort and commitment to excellence that I were instilled in me at a very young age by my incredible family. I would be nothing without the resilience and perseverance of my parents who departed their homeland 31 years ago with two children and 8 massive suitcases chasing the dream that they would find better opportunities in Canada.?Perhaps when you make high-risk transformative decisions you work extra hard to make sure your sacrifices pay off? ?I suspect that part of the return-on-investment calculation that my parents sought was that my brother and I would be safe, happy and prosperous in Canada.?No doubt my colonial South-Asian upbringing also contributed to my conditioning of “obedient behavior”.?

Conditioned by socially constructed norms, I was always obedient, always doing my best or aiming for better.?Always trying to make sure I was doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.?To this day, my family values of hard work and excellence hold strong.?The elements of upbringing as well as working with empowered female leaders are gifts of experience that have shaped the individual I am today.?Sometimes for the better (when I exceed expectations on certain projects), sometimes for the worse (when my commitment to excellence becomes a vain pursuit of non-existent perfection).?It has taken me a considerable amount of time to put these puzzle pieces together, and I am still discovering new pieces along the way, but my hope is that by telling this story, I might be able to inspire or empower those who might feel the same.

What is the definition of a manager – according to Merriam Webster, it is a “person whose work or profession is management” – that’s a bit of a circular definition. I thought we were never supposed to define a word by using that word in the definition? At any rate, I define a manager as someone who is responsible for the workflow of others and who delegates tasks in the operation of a business. A leader on the other hand, is someone who can motivate, inspire and empower people to achieve a goal.?While managers may be highly ranked, or have a title to support their function, leaders may not.?I’ve always believed that there was more to a title than words – actions speak for so much more, but, systemic and socially constructed ideals make us believe otherwise.?So, while some leaders are indeed functional managers and have responsibility for others, not all managers are leaders.I’d like to provide context to the differentiation by looking at both a non-business perspective, as well as a business-operations perspective of leadership. Let me begin with the latter, by sharing a single experience of an empowering female leader (there are many in my life).?This individual is long retired, but I did have the privilege of working for her several years ago – I will always remember her for the impact she had and continues to have on my life (I’m pretty sure my mom still prays in thanksgiving for her).

So, I’m 23 years-old and I have my first ever full-time job, benefits, great pay, respect, unionized, in the middle of a recession.?My mom and brother had both lost their jobs and you’d better believe I was beginning to be fearful. Our unit had also gone thru a round of lay-offs, the first in over 20 years I believe.?But, I was given an opportunity to undertake a very senior role for six months. During that time, I worked on so many different projects, always scared to death that I would make a mistake, because I felt I had to “prove myself”.?You see, when I had inquired about the job when it was initially posted, one of the key individuals I consulted looked at me and asked “do you think you can handle it?” it was a 10 minute chat that left me feeling so deflated that I never applied to the position. But, 7 months into the term of the successful hire – who by the way was an incredibly inspiring female leader – I was called on to cover her maternity leave. Well, this was my opportunity! My chance to prove that I could handle the job.

A couple of months into my role, I’m working on a project and one of the consultants on the project directed me to send an email out to a group of individuals (I was skeptical of doing so and questioned it but was instructed to send it any way. When you’re 24 years old, new to a job and someone more senior tells you to do something, you feel compelled to do it – within reason).?I was right, I wasn’t supposed to send out that email.?Maybe 5.8 seconds later the Executive Director at the time ended up replying with a punitive message that made me feel so stupid and insignificant – I can still feel the stinging behind my sinus for the tears I was holding back and the complete block in my throat that prevented me from speaking up. If I recall correctly, he even walked out of his office and rattled off some additional words of discontent, and then marched back into his office.?I took about 10 minutes to drum up the courage to confess this to my direct report at the time, as I felt like I total failure and that I let her down.?She stopped what she was doing (as she always did when I’d sheepishly knock on her door and sit down to chat), listened, looked at me when I spoke and consoled me, told me not to worry. I still felt stupid, but her words lifted a great deal of weight from my shoulders.

About an hour later, I heard my boss walk down the hall to the Executive Directors office (that was her boss, by the way), and call him out on how he had reacted to me in that situation. I couldn’t hear all the words spoken, but I something along the lines of “you can’t speak that way to Jenn”.?Moments later they would both come to my office and the Executive Director tried to make some joke to rectify his behaviour – I don’t remember what he said, and it’s probably because it didn’t matter.?I’ll tell you what I did remember – I had seen my direct report as a manager (which she was), but in that moment and so many more to come, I saw a leader.?She is likely the toughest female bosses I’ve ever had, but one who reinforced my understanding of leadership more than she would ever know.?One that always recognized my personal wins from graduating at the top of my class in years to come, or by her messages acknowledging good work, always referring to me as “our Jennifer”.?She made me feel like I belonged.?A great leader will make you feel like you are a part of something and that you are contributing to something, they don’t profess empty words, they “walk the talk”, they make you realize the amazing skills and talents you already possess and elevate you with their own privilege.

My non-business leadership example is personal – my father.?Now retired, he never held a position as a manager, never had fancy degrees, most certainly didn’t have a six-figure salary, but he’s a man who led his immediate family on a journey across the world and planted roots in an unfamiliar and at times harsh climate. Arriving in 1990 our family settled first in Windsor, Ontario – fortunately sponsored by my late aunt and uncle – we owe much of our current status to them, as without their sponsorship, our lives would be very different today.?My father has and will always be one of the greatest leaders I have ever known because of his ability to motivate and inspire us (my brother and I) to be the best we could be, and provide us with an environment that supported our growth and development.?

Prior to emigrating to Canada, my dad was “retired” at the age of 45 in Sri Lanka.?He built a house (see photo to the right, taken in 2017 on a family holiday)and ran his own business, and frankly we were economically sound, with sufficient economic and social capital to thrive.?However, political circumstances being what they were, a decision was made to emigrate.?I was one month shy of five-years-old when we landed at Pearson International -?our journey was just beginning. We settled in Windsor for a few months living with my aunt and uncle – both my brother and I started school there, but my dad moved to Toronto to find work.?Ontario was in recession in the 1990s, but somehow, my dad managed to find work in a few months (you know, the old-fashioned way of looking at the papers, travelling by public transit to interviews), and eventually settled for a job in Transportation & Logistics – effectively coming out of retirement to start a new life.

I didn’t know it then, but I know it now, we were privileged (depending on how you look at things – came with money, spoke English, were sponsored by Family, my dad found a job relatively quickly, we had a rental home, food on the table, clothes on our backs) and while there were most certainly hardships that my parents faced, I was none the wiser. But, how my dad managed to support a family of 4 being the sole income earner during a recession as an immigrant in a strange new land is truly remarkable.?But, what makes him an exemplary leader is that despite any challenges or hardships he faced, he was able to encourage and provide us with the exact environment we needed to succeed.?Even when we (maybe more me than my brother – he’s pretty stellar) made mistakes as kids, speeding tickets, failing classes, dealing with bullies, getting into and out of debt he always addressed the mistake or challenge and encouraged us to move forward.

So what’s the take-away today? You may not have a high-ranking title with several direct reports and a six-figure salary, but if you put people first and operate with empathy and kindness to lift people up around you then you’re probably a leader. The next time someone makes you feel like you’re a “nobody”, recall a time when you were a “somebody” to a person. Recall that feeling of empowerment and share it with a colleague or friend. You can’t teach leadership, but if you think you’re a leader measure your success by the achievements, behaviours and growth of the individuals you influence. I happened to take this photo of geese crossing the street one day and I thought it was the perfect sentiment to what I am communicating here. Leaders guide people in challenging yet positive directions, and will always be there to advocate for you if you falter - they are fierce.

As Maya Angelou said:

“…people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

So, if you feel like you’ve got some privilege, I encourage you to pay it forward, lift up the people around you, and lead with kindness.