All The Light I Could Not See

We received a message from Krishna sir in the morning one day. He informed us that our class would not be in ‘class’ that day and that we were supposed to reach a place called ‘Dialogue in the Dark’ in Maker Chambers at Nariman point. We all got really excited.

In the afternoon, as soon as the clock struck half past one, we all stuffed ourselves in taxis in groups of four and reached the designated address. To be honest, I had thought that it was going to be some kind of a picnic, like the ones we used to have as school kids. However, that afternoon had something else in store for us.

Giggles and laughter filled the small room which was supposed to be our waiting room before we could enter the actual place. Everyone was chatting with everyone, not knowing what was waiting for us ahead. Energy and excited was pumping up the atmosphere.

As soon as we all settled down, sir informed us that we would be going in, in groups of 7 for the main activity. As an act of justice to last roll numbers, who are always the last – the last seven roll numbers were given the first chance this time. I was one of them.

“Is anyone of you afraid of the dark?” a person from Dialogue in the Dark team asked us as we assembled outside the main room. I am not afraid of the dark but the question put me in a state of slight concern. ‘What’s going to happen inside?’ I wondered.

We were asked to remove our spectacles because it would anyways be pitch dark inside and we might just end up losing them. We were also handed over a stick to assist us in walking.

“Keep it below your waist, strike it left and right before moving to make sure there isn’t anything in your way”, sir gave us a quick tutorial. By this time, the excitement was giving way to nervousness within us. Probably, sir gauged that as he assured us that it’s going to be fun inside and an amazing experience.

All seven of us arranged ourselves in a line and finally stepped inside the room. As we stood behind one another, there was some sort of relief – that we had each other’s back. It was a good feeling.

A sweet voice greeted us, “Hi everyone, I am Husna, your guide for this sensitization tour today”. She asked us our names. The person who was standing in the first row and the one who was standing in the last, were given special responsibilities to take care of the entire row. Husna’s calm voice and the vigor in the way she talked, infused back the excitement in us and we were ready for this challenge.

My eyes not being used to the darkness, tried to adjust to it. They would not have to have to do their job that is to ‘see’ for next few minutes while rest of my organs were on duty – the idea was a bit weird to think about. Does it mean my eyeballs can rest for some time? No clue. But one thing was for sure – my brain and rest of the sense organs had become much more active.

We were supposed to find our ways by following the walls. So, while one of my hands was at work handling the stick, the other was in constant touch with the wall to 'show' me in the dark. My ears, I had realized had become much more serious in their job. They were picking up the slightest voices and noises in the room – the striking of our footsteps, the tapping of sticks on ground, the sliding of our fingers past the walls. I could even feel the air between me and my friends ahead of me. How funny it is that all this while we had discarded the air as something we couldn’t possibly see.

My friends and I, were afraid that we might trip and fall. With every turn in the wall, we took a sigh of relief that we didn’t bang ourselves onto it. But soon, the nervousness started to ease down, thanks to Husna. The confidence in her voice, gave us the confidence that we would not mess ourselves up. She would promptly stop us when we were about to collapse against wall or objects. Often, we would get all jumbled up in the line that we were moving in. She would still call us by our names, as if she knew us since ages, as if she could see us.

We were slowly beginning to make sense of the purpose behind the tour. It was to make us understand how people with visual impairment live their lives. For sure, this was serious stuff. It was not a picnic. But also, it was fun and enjoyable. While stepping into the shoes of those who undergo that experience every day, we were able to walk through their world. Husna taught us to play cricket, “listen to the sound of the ball coming towards you”. We played and cheered for each other, held the hands for our friends when we felt they could hurt themselves. Though, I meet the six of them every day in class but that day I felt all the closer to them.

The part that I enjoyed the most was the maze. It was thrilling and scary at the same time. We were supposed to scramble through objects to find a ‘Santoor soap’ and also a ‘Taj Mahal’. It was a time bound challenge. As we started to quickly move us around to find those objects, my stick fell on the ground. For few seconds, my heart sank. I wanted the lights to turn on, to see, to find out my stick. Felt a little frustration too as I moved my hands on ground to find out my stick. I thankfully, did.

In the last leg of our tour, we got to know how our friends with visual impairment use computers. Pressing of every button in the keyboard is accompanied with reading out loud of what we had pressed by the computer. I use my laptop every day, running my fingers through the keyword like I was born to type. However. in that moment, when I tried to recall how the keyword looks and which letters are placed where, I failed.

Finally, we reached the end and saw a narrow beam of light cracking in from the door. We slowly opened the door, fearing that the sudden light would blind us. It was now that we saw Husna for the first time. Sir was waiting for us there and told us that Husna herself is visually impaired. We all were taken aback. Her calmness, her confidence – all made sense now. We had lived her world.

To be honest, at the end of it, I was unable to process it all. Those twenty minutes was a surreal experience. Before that day, whenever I looked at someone who couldn’t see, I felt a pang of fear in my heart. What if that happens to mean someday. I had sympathy for them, I must confess. But after visiting Dialogue in the Dark and undergoing the sensitization tour when I got to live the world of my visually impaired friends, I was able to understand their lives better. I am still not able to put this experience into words, to exactly describe what I experienced inside. In our usual parlance, we call it empathy. But what I felt was something deeper, inexplicable.

The surprising part is that as I write this, recalling that day – I can ‘see’ all of it in my mind. I am unable to understand how I have a visual memory of the tour. How did my brain manage to have an image of the experience when the eyes, which are supposed to help it with visual stuff were rendered jobless inside that pitch dark room. Perhaps, the rest of my body became my third eye in those moments, nurturing my soul which can see the unseen.