All I want for Christmas is.......?

“Habit rules the unreflecting herd”. Wordsworth

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Is it time to rethink the tradition of gift giving? Every year the cost of unwanted gifts goes up. It was ￡700 million last year. What could each household do with the money that is saved if we had the courage to have difficult conversations, about not wanting presents, about setting a budget, about only buying used and preloved gifts, or setting a limit for the secret Santa.

As soon as the Halloween displays including the plastic half severed arms, are gone from the shops in its place comes the Christmas gift sets and the tinsel. The adverts everywhere, in every medium, embedding themselves into the subconscious mind through the ears and through the eyes. Hypnotised then, to the tills, trollies full of things you believe now you should be buying. Sleepwalking. Everyone is buying, there must be something wrong with you, if you don’t enjoy it. Scrooge/ Grinch.

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For years I worked the Christmas shifts. In the UK I would work the Christmas day waiting or cooking. Then after University I worked in the Alps and in The Rockies Christmas Day on the in the mountains on the slopes, Christmas evening hosting. My first Christmas in France I had spent hours icing a traditional Christmas cake only to trip while presenting it, watching it fly off the plate, my clients horrified as the cake remained intact on landing, unscathed, but the floor tile cracked and in need of repair. I lost a tooth that winter, the alpine dentist, lack of anaesthetic a lesson in pain thresholds and a humbling realisation I needed better French.

In Australia I had a hot Christmas. Spent with a friend on the Sunshine coast. An early morning beach jog followed by a swim in the Pacific Ocean then a buffet of fresh and interesting food. Time spent chatting and enjoying a relaxed day. No presents were exchanged, at least no tangible ones. The gift of time and attention so much more valuable, resonating still 25 years later.

On return to the UK before the children came, I was able to opt out again. Spending time in beautiful tiny properties in the countryside buying nothing, no traditions, no turkey, no obligation, just a decorated tree and open fire and lots of books to read. The daylight hours spent walking. I do remember lots of mud.

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37.2% of people in England and Wales say they have no religion so why is the Christian tradition of Christmas such a dominant feature punctuating our winter? At what cost, not just financial but also in mental and physical labour to continue the gift giving and Turkey and all the trimmings eating.

Who does the shopping and the cooking? The mental load of thinking who needs what, who has allergies, who drinks too much and becomes morose?

Research by YouGov for the Sunday Times found (last year) that women are bearing much of the work at Christmas – much more than men. (Christmas 2022)

Those who are married or single but living with a partner are asked, firstly, who is mainly responsible for a series of Christmas tasks. In every case except one (doing the washing up), more women say they are responsible for the work than do men.

69% of women say they send out the Christmas cards, while only 12% of men say the same. Buying the presents is split female to male by 61%-8%; doing the food shopping by 54%-13%; and cooking the Christmas dinner by 51%-17%.

Mothers working on a day when they could be resting. (A 2017 study conducted by Dawn O.?Braithwaite at the University at Nebraska – Lincoln found that Christmas is still considered to be “women’s work”.)

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Believing that we need to buy things and spend so much money to have a good Christmas creates stress and creates debt. Anxiety surely prevents such a good Christmas taking place, the debts compounding long after the decorations are put away. I remember my stomach sinking when I was purchased and given gifts I would never use and didn’t need or want, worried about the environmental impact of the packaging and the bank balance of the gifter. It is the thought that counts but at what cost is that thought. To people’s bank balances, their mental health, the environment? Who profits from the conditioning and our resulting habits? Look up the chain from consumer to business and CEOs of those businesses. They must love Christmas. Jeff Bezos at his Amazon Empire. (I do remember seeing a documentary featuring him years ago saying he lived in fear of crowds of people storming his ivory tower, angry at inequality and wanting to show it. Interesting.)

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So maybe when the world would benefit from something different, this year could be the year we say no thank you to things we don’t need, to shopping and buying for the sake of it. ?Please don’t buy me anything but please come and spend time with me. Let’s go for a walk, let's all cook together and then eat together and then clear up together. Let’s spend time chatting and playing and laughing. Let us speak kindly to the people we meet when we are out and about. Let’s learn a new skill, have a bit of a dance in the front room, do some crafting, mend the gate, read books, and play cards. Let’s do it together and have fun while we are there. The power of human connection far more valuable than the habit of consumerism but the gift of time and attention free. The people that matter, the ones you love, can profit instead. Let’s reflect.

Julia is a Financial Educator, Coach and Mentor working with individuals, couples and groups to empower and enlighten people about personal finance, a Wealth and Wellbeing geek.

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