All Hail the Beleaguered Parent!

My kids are back in school, Highschool, they are going into their second week. YAY! No more contending with “Im bored” on a daily basis during their Summer break. Or being asked to take them to various friend activities on a seemingly non-stop basis. There are times I pine for the days when I was childless and didn't have to worry about an errant head poking into my office during a meeting.

Back before I had kids, I will shamefully admit, I was one of those unsympathetic people who would look down my nose in a mixture of disdain and annoyance at people who would leave work early for their kids, or be late, or seemingly not work as many hours. I was young, foolish, woefully uninformed as to the time-suck that are kids.

I had kids much later in life, in my early 40’s. For my husband and I, our path was definitely more complicated and had to be carefully planned out. By the time we had set-in motion the process of having kids, at least my views had softened with age. Still…and while I mentally knew this from what colleagues and relatives said about having kids, I was not fully prepared for impact they would make.

When our daughters were born, it was the most incredible thing in our lives. Looking down on these two pieces of us was as amazing as it was frightening. It hit me then…OH CRAP! I am now responsible for keeping these little beings alive, raising them, and hoping to turn out well-standing contributors to our society and not psycho-killers. Kinda sobering.

The first several months were, and I think every parent can relate to this, exhausting. This was a time where I and my spouse got into our biggest fights thanks to sleep deprivation. Trying to be focused while working was also challenging. Now, when friends tell me they are going to have kids I tell them…”be prepared for the madness of no sleep.”?

When we did have kids, we were lucky. My spouse and I ran our own small design agency. We lived in a house where the upstairs was our home, the downstairs was our office, and my Sister-in-law was the nanny. This made things very convenient for us and very flexible. But when we closed down our studio in the early 2000’s, thanks to a crappy economy, and went back into the private sector, that dynamic changed. Sure my SIL was still the nanny, but the luxury of time we enjoyed went completely out the window.?

It was always a race to get the kids fed in the morning and ready for Aunty, get ourselves ready, and then race out the door to sit in 45minutes to sometimes an hour and half of traffic to get into the office (we thankfully worked for the same company at the time). Then a race to get out the door and back home so Aunty could go home, often telling people that we would not attend meetings after 4:30PM…cue childless coworkers looking down their nose at us…ah Karma.

Like every working parent, we walked a tightrope between the pull of demanding jobs and being parents and there for your kids. This tightrope got even more treacherous as they entered into pre-school, then school. And lets not even talk about the cost of childcare once we had to retire my SIL.

As the kids got older, and began entering into activities outside of school, whether sports, music lessons, dreaded BDay parties with stale pizza, I became the de facto “soccer mom” and chauffeur. This added another level of stress to life, relationships, driving; where my kids probably learned how to swear like a sailor thanks to me…at least I was creative on many occasions.

Parents reading this are probably all nodding their heads in understanding. Especially those parents who both have to work, because in today’s world, being a stay-at-home parent is virtually impossible unless you have an extremely well paying job or born independently wealthy. But even then, those who are lucky enough to have a stay-at-home parent, you should be extremely grateful to your partner. It is a LOT of work, regardless of this misguided holdover stereotype of your partner watching soaps on TV popping bon-bons in their mouth while attempting their best to attain a Jabba the Hut like figure.

As horrific as the pandemic was, the one good thing that came out of it was remote work, at least for those who could do remote work. The amount of stress alleviated by not having to rush in the mornings and evenings to-and-from work is tremendous. Sadly, this is not feasible for many. For those people I say, “I see you, I appreciate you.”

To all you working parents out there, congratulations on surviving thus far. I know how stressful and hard it can be. I know the mental and physical toll it can take on you. It does get better as they get older and more independent. Although that also comes with it’s own stressors. Mine are now at the age of learning to drive…and with one daughter always asking me “how fast can your car go?” I seem to have a perpetually furrowed brow upon my face.