All In

I was sitting at the bar at my hotel this week, sipping a glass of wine and getting a little work done, when a man approached the bar and, as we often do, began to ask about the various beers that were on tap. There were only a few – six or seven at most, both well-known domestics, as well as a couple local flavor brews. The one in question was a local IPA and the man just wasn’t sure, so the bartender offered him a taste of it. I quipped to the man, “Good idea – a pint is a big commitment.”

It was a meaningless exchange, but it got me to thinking over the next few days about how the man and his taster of the beer (which he did indeed enjoy, and committed to the pint) are an interesting reflection of society today.

We live in a world that is afraid to commit – so afraid to make a mistake, or look back with regrets, that we go through life just sampling. Not fully committing, but sampling, trying, window-shopping our way through nearly everything life has to offer.

Our “try it before you buy it” culture is everywhere...and granted, sometimes there are times it’s important. Buying a car, or even a couch – of course you’re going to sit on that couch before you buy it, drive that car before making such a big financial commitment. The biggest purchases require planning, saving, sampling and trying several options before deciding on that right one. (And even then, we’re often allowed a cooling off-period for when buyers’ remorse sets in!) I don’t deny that that’s a prudent way to live at times. But how much do we allow that to spill over into our everyday lives?

Think about it – the silly example of the beer taster is only the beginning. We are allowed the opportunity to taste the bottle of wine we have just ordered and send it back if we are not happy with it, even though the bottle has already been compromised. We watch countless previews of movies and decide in that three-minute sampling if we’re willing to commit two hours of our time to watch the whole thing at a later date. Heck, you can feed a family of four in about an hour on a Saturday at Costco and never spend a dime! We love free samples! Who’s going to turn one down when offered? But take the coupon and buy the entire package? No thanks. Too big of a commitment.

My gym offers one week free to potential members…come try the gym, come try fitness, take a few days and make a lifestyle change! I wonder though how many of those people actually use the full week to begin with, and then come back and say, “I’m all in! Sign me up!” Very few, I would be willing to bet. There’s no risk and no need to actually make a life change.

Nope…commitment is looking in the mirror and saying, “Something needs to change. No excuses.” You buy the membership, hire a trainer, stock your pantry with healthy foods and dive in fully committed to this healthy new lifestyle. All In.

But let’s be honest…how often does that actually happen?

And let’s get even more real – there are not many places that our fear of commitment carries over more than it does in our relationships. In matters of the heart, very few are willing to go all in without a large degree of self-protection and skepticism. We enter into relationships with our parachutes already strapped on, the escape hatch in full view so when it’s time to bail, it’s easy to do so. Love at first sight? Heck no. Too much risk. Fall in love? I’ll say the words, but actually carry out unconditional, no-exceptions, crazy in love, love? No way. We hold big parts, important parts of ourselves back, just in case…just in case the sample is distasteful and the pint is too much of a commitment. We swipe left, lose the number, change our status, and move along.

And you know what…me too! You get hurt, disappointed, make the same mistake one too many times, and FEAR sets in. Doubt rules and risks are carefully measured. Why do I do this? Why do I let fear rule my relationships, my day-to-day decisions?

My maternal grandparents met on a train in Germany during WWII. My grandfather got off the train that day, looked at my pretty little Army nurse grandmother and told her he was going to find her when the war was over and marry her. He did.

My dad came home from his first date with my mom, took his Bible and opened it to the middle, where the family genealogy pages are found, and wrote her name right next to his: “Robert Williams married to Nancy Turner” …

Generations of All In. Jumping in without sampling, without fear…I wouldn’t be here to write this if they had weighed the cost, made pros and cons list and allow fear to rule. This was love…young, foolish and headstrong. But it lasted…they never bailed. How many of us can say we’ve experienced that kind of love in our past? Not too many I would bet. Not me.

Don’t you want that kind of life? The kind where you say, “Yes!” and go! Where you fight back the bile rising in your throat, the butterflies in your stomach and fly…. without fear.

I don’t want to dip my toe in the pond of life, I want to cannonball in, jump from a cliff into dark, deep waters and shout with joy and delight as I tumble toward the unknown.

I’m tired of sampling. Pour me the pint and let my cup overflow.