Is this all there is?

To everyone else your life may look perfect.

You have a beautiful home, a loving partner, bright, well-behaved children, a great career, a comfortable lifestyle and a close circle of friends. You have an active social life, spend holidays abroad and drive a nice car.

You have it all.

So, why do you find yourself experiencing a growing feeling that either the life you’re living is not the one you wanted or that it was what you once thought you wanted but now realise you don’t.

You catch yourself thinking ‘Is this all there is?’

You don’t tell anyone for fear of looking ungrateful and, besides, who would understand? All your friends and colleagues are too busy living their comfortable lives to be able to comprehend what you’re feeling, aren’t they?

Or are they?

You see the thing is, you’re not alone in wondering whether there is more to life.

Lots of people feel they may have taken a wrong turn somewhere and created a life that doesn’t feel like theirs. It’s why so many people experience what we like to refer to as a mid-life crisis.

It’s interesting, because a mid-life crisis is viewed very much in negative terms as if someone has gone a little crazy and just needs to get it out of their system before falling back in line once again. Growing their hair, changing their clothes, buying a sports car, changing partners, travelling off the beaten track to find themselves – these are all taken as signs that someone has gone a bit loopy and is trying to rekindle their youth.

Are they really trying to rekindle their youth or are they searching for more meaning?

The conveyor belt of life

When you put life into context, it can feel a bit like a conveyor belt. We’re placed on it at a young age and once we’re in the school system it can be hard to get off. We’re expected to choose our subjects at an early age, take our exams, go to college/university and find a job. 

It’s acceptable to have a ‘gap year’, yet even the name suggests that this is simply an allowable temporary absence from the conveyor belt of life – so much so, that the gap year is almost becoming part of it. And doesn’t it almost feel a bit like saying ‘this is your last taste of freedom’?

Once we find a job, then we’re locked into a fixed number of holidays a year and climbing the corporate ladder. After that it’s settling down, a mortgage, partner, children and so it goes on. Before you know it, you’re ‘living the dream’; yet it might turn into your nightmare if you’re not careful.

For some people it works out just fine. They get everything they’ve ever wanted in life and are satisfied with it. This isn’t about material goods; this is about a way of life, and some people are better than others at carving out exactly the life they want to lead.

For others, somewhere along the way things start to go wrong, even if outwardly they look fine. Think of it in terms of going into a clothes shop and putting on clothes that your parents or friends tell you look fabulous on you, yet to you they just don’t feel right. When you look in the mirror it’s like a stranger is looking back at you.

So where does it all go wrong?

Press the rewind button

Let’s just pause there for a moment and press rewind.

Think back to when you were growing up. What hopes and dreams did you have? What was important to you? What did you enjoy doing?

Somewhere in amongst all of that, is the real you.

There is a famous quote from the Bible:

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

This is a mantra by which we find ourselves inadvertently living life. At some point, we must put away our childish things to grow up, accept responsibility and settle down. Yet when we put away our childhood, if we’re not careful we put away intrinsic parts of us.

The person who loved nothing better than to explore new places finds themself sitting at a desk 9-5. The person who was always ‘different’ is now the same as everyone else. The person whose quirkiness we loved, has lost their sparkle. The person who was going to set the world alight now lives in darkness. The person who was full of big dreams now feels empty and stifled.

When you need me, I’ll be there

The great thing about the question ‘Is this all there is?’ is that it appears when we need it. It’s not a question to be ignored. It’s one to be embraced because it’s a sign that our life is incomplete in some way – personally, professionally, spiritually. It means that our conscious and unconscious minds are no longer happy with the status quo.

It may make us feel fearful, and that’s why some people try to ignore it, worried that it will turn their life upside down and not in a good way. They feel anxious about the loss of the life they’ve created, even with all its flaws, because they fear that the alternative may be worse.

The trouble is, ignoring it doesn’t make it go away and simply means that you become unhappy and may even start lashing out. This is because there is a big mismatch between who you are and who you want to be (or return to).

And the question is entirely positive. It is the next stage in our evolution, and it has appeared to be the light to guide us to the path we’re meant to be following. The one that takes us back to our true selves.

If you’re reading this and recognise that you’re feeling lost, then Coaching or NLP Practitioner training can totally enable you to find your way back to you. Through highly practical and effective tools and techniques it will:

• Enable you to tap into your unconscious mind and work out your deepest values, align them and remove patterns that don't help you.
• Support you to rediscover what brings you joy.
• Explore and decide what you truly want from life.
• Help you to overcome any doubts, fears or anxiety.
• Massively grow your confidence and self-belief.
• Support you to set powerful and highly compelling goals.
• Enable you to create a plan for achieving your heart’s desire.

Above all, NLP will show you how to have unshakeable belief that this is certainly NOT all there is. Out there is a life waiting for you that's full of excitement, passion, joy and fulfilment. 

My mission is to help changemakers and leaders to step off the hamster wheel where they may have got stuck, find their next level and create a life lived on their terms that fulfils their values and ambitions. If you're interested in finding out more, please send me a DM.

P.S - To kick start 2021, I'm running a Free 5 day challenge for women leaders in finance and law so they can start to overcome self doubt, step off the hamster wheel and create a life lived on their terms through powerful coaching that enables them to reimagine what's possible. Starts Monday 4th January. So if you'd like to reignite your spark after this crazy year, send me an email to [email protected] and I'll put you on the list!