All the Feels About Eldercare and an Offer

I overslept July 5th, 2020, and missed my 6:05 am flight out of Greensboro. I was honestly exhausted and the extra sleep was nice. I fell asleep late because of the celebratory 4th of July fireworks, which I didn't care a thing about that day.

The next flight doesn’t leave until 11:20 AM which means that I have some time to share a few thoughts from the past week.

My mother passed away on July 1, 2020, after a long fight with depression, dementia, and renal failure. She had started dialysis but made a decision not to continue with it a few weeks ago. I miss her, but in many ways, her passing set her free from many challenges. My family will miss her terribly, but I’m glad she is at peace.

Helping my parents as they age has been a long and difficult journey for my entire family. I’ve learned a lot about empathy and eldercare and how difficult it is to navigate our eldercare support systems when we need them.

.I wrote this blog post last year. It shares some resources for those dealing with eldercare as well as some of our family issues. https://www.michaelvandervort.com/caregiving-and-work/

This is what I wrote in 2019 from a personal perspective:

“From my own personal perspective, it’s tough dealing with these issues for several reasons. Anything can happen at any time. My mother went missing for several hours this week while I was driving from Atlanta to Bradenton FL to help my parents through some trying times. We found her which was a great relief. Today she is in the hospital after being taken there by ambulance. None of this was planned, including my trip down here. There is no instruction manual. There is not a lot of help readily available. Eventually, we will need to relocate my parents, which is not something they want. Employers who can figure out ways to assist their employees to deal with the difficult issues I’m facing this week would earn tremendous gratitude and engagement from those employees for years to come.”

Fast forward to 2020 and what’s transpired since that blog post.

We relocated my parents, twice. They lived in a 55+ community near Bradenton Florida for almost 20 years. Because they could no longer live independently, we (my siblings and I) had to take charge of forcing them into several difficult decisions like taking away their car keys, getting power-of-attorney and living wills for them, assuming responsibility for managing their finances, and selling their home. We also relocated them from Florida, first to an assisted living facility in Georgia, and later to Ohio to live with my sister who became their primary caregiver for 7 months and counting.

I am not going to go into the extraordinary things that we experienced while caring for my parents. It’s too personal and raw right now. If you haven’t experienced this situation yet, here is the deal.

It’s hard. It’s stressful. It sucks. Really bad stuff happens that you never dreamed of. You won’t be able to fix stuff. You don’t get a user manual. I’m fortunate than many of my friends and colleagues were willing to share their own experiences and learnings. It made things easier.

Thanks to everyone who stepped up and gave me information or just a shoulder to lean on. I can never repay you. All I can do is share it forward. If you read this at some point and you need help with eldercare, reach out. I’ll share everything I can with you. I’ll help as much as I can. If you just need someone to vent to, I’m here. Let me know.

Thanks, everyone. I treasure all of you.