All Executive Coaching Eventually Becomes "Life Coaching"
Ken Carlson
Experienced Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer with a knack for working with Geeks; Specializing in Engineering, Science, Math, and Medical.
We've rebranded as PricklyPear! In early 2023, we began sharing weekly content (see below) with a focus on neurodivergent leaders and we truly hope it has made a difference for you. Recently, we introduced you to a new company that I (Ken) and Petra Russell, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP have launched to specifically serve neurodivergent leaders.
As Executive Coaches and Leadership Trainers we've had the opportunity to work with hundreds of neurodivergent leaders and coach them through many leadership and workplace challenges. Each week we will continue to share resources and insights for neurodivergent leaders and the rest of us.
This week we discuss how executive coaching eventually becomes "life coaching."
______________________________________________________________
All Coaching Eventually Becomes "Life Coaching"
I don’t want to scare you but there is something that happens when the door is closed and permission is granted to talk about anything—pretty soon we start talking about “anything.”
Just yesterday, I was talking to a senior leader at one of the largest tech companies in the world. He’s a big deal. Just because he exists, you and I have more productive lives.
But he’s also on the spectrum—and he’s not telling anyone (except me and a few others in his life). He wants to know why his communication doesn’t land in the same way he intends it to. He is struggling with relationships with his peers—but can hardly imagine handling it differently. He gets frustrated easily by things not working as he expects them to—and by people who don’t seem to listen.
In the end, he’s surprised that we go look at him. Not the objects of his frustration—but what is it that is going on inside of him.
“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going on inside ourselves.” Bessel A Van Der Kolk; The Body Keeps the Score
That’s just the key to this whole endeavor. Coaching/Training/Life. We can’t change other people so we have to look at ourselves.
Not really fair. I know.
But as my dad constantly said, “Son, show me where it says life is supposed to be fair.”
The good news is that we can actually create shifts in ourselves—even if it feels impossible. I’ll share one way below.
Meet Kenny. He’s the cutest kid you could imagine. Full of energy. Full of smiles and love. He’s built for fun and cuddles.
I’ve been getting to know him better lately. In service of my leadership. In service of everyone around me whom I love. In service of befriending all the different parts of me.
When I’m frustrated or emotional, I’ve started a habit of taking this photo out and just having an internal conversation with Kenny. For me it helps me to connect with all the different forces inside myself.
So back to my leader who is now taking a look at his own frustrations with people. He’s logical and willing to do things that make sense—so he has started taking a look at himself. Where is this impatience coming from?
He’s actually impatient with himself. He has high standards for himself and he can see clearly the places where he is missing the mark. For him, he knows he has to work harder so obviously the people around him should be working harder too.
Step one—see if he can’t give himself a break—at least look at what it is costing him to continue giving himself a hard time. Step two—practice taking a deep breath and attempt to be a bit more patient with his colleagues. We’ll see how it goes.
______________________________________________________________
Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library
Want more resources on neurodiversity leadership? We are finding and creating resources for you. Watch this section expand every week.
领英推荐
_______________________________________________________________
Staying In Touch
What leadership challenges are you facing??We’d love to hear from you - feel free to set up a time to chat here: Let's talk!
Make sure you never miss an issue! Click the "subscribe" button in the upper right-hand corner of the page. For more articles and insights, connect with me here.