With All Due Respect

Respect, Noun: A Feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Respect, Verb: Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements

Noun or verb, it appears to me that the feeling of respect is earned, as a result of the achievements, actions or qualities of someone or something. As we were being raised, there was a strong emphasis taught to my siblings and me regarding the showing of respect to those that were older than us. Mister, misses, sir, ma’am, and other expressions of respect were not optional, they were the rule. Why, because the individuals we showed respect to had achieved living long enough to be older than we were, and because of that status, we were required to show our respect. We did not even know many of the folks we encountered as we were growing up, but because of their age or status, we were required to show them respect. Even those our age we learned to treat respectfully.

Moving past a person’s age and status, respect is earned. Whether it is due to a person’s achievements, qualities, or abilities, a true feeling of respect cannot be bought, demanded, bartered, coerced, or even forced on another. There is also a difference between showing respect and feeling respect for another individual. Our upbringing and morality are generally manifested in the way we show respect (use manners), while to truly feel respect for another, the person respected must act in a manner that captures and holds the admiration of someone.

My parents certainly earned (and still earn) my respect. We were raised in a time that most men worked, most women stayed home to tend to the children. My dad worked many sixteen-hour days, so my mom didn’t have to. He wanted her to stay home with the children and mom wanted the same thing. They did what was necessary for a successful home. They were not lazy, and they taught us not to be as well. They never stole, lied, cheated, used profanity, ever; and they treated each other and everyone else with respect. When dad wasn’t working, he spent time with the family, going to church and occasionally on trips, where we would sing together as a family in whatever vehicle we had at the time. He taught the rules, and when he wasn’t home, mom was the enforcer. They captured and held my admiration, although as a teenager I didn’t appreciate them as I do today. They truly earned my respect.

In the construction world, I have been blessed to work for and with some of the best owners, project managers, superintendents, tradesmen, laborers, and others in the business. The reason I can firmly attest to this is because they had qualities, actions and achievements that gained my admiration. Not just because they could read and understand construction documents, or because they were the “smartest” around, but by working through issues such as variances between drawings and actual field conditions or modifying the schedule to still be productive to complete a professional project in a timely manner within an acceptable budget. What we have accomplished together has been, at times, nothing short of amazing! I feel great respect for a group of people, of differing backgrounds and philosophical beliefs that can come together for the common good of someone or something! These teams of workers have earned my respect.

Some of my greatest influences came from church. From the pastors to the elders to the common churchgoers, the lives they lived were not encompassed with hypocrisy on Wednesdays and weekends then live however you wish the rest of the time. They lived what they truly believed in on every day that ends in Y. My earliest years were blessed by a pastor we lovingly called Brother Henry. He would shower you with kindness and love, then preach hell fire and brimstone. He won over a lot of people with his love and kindness and caused us to want to do right. Our next pastor, Brother Tom, was a great leader as well. He would play baseball with us at church outings, work on the church building when it was needed, and just be one of the boys, so to speak. He too earned my respect and won many people to the Lord by his kindness and love. They were due respect because they earned it. So many other church members through the years captured and held my admiration because they lived what they professed every day of the week.

I was taught at an early age to show respect to the teachers, police, first responders, soldiers, those in political offices, and anyone that was entrusted with a position of leadership. Does that mean their abilities, qualities or even their achievements have caused them to earn my respect? ?Not necessarily, except for the office or title they held or hold, which is due some degree of respect, many of the actions of some of these people have led me to feel a degree of impertinence or even disrespect toward them. How sad to think so many of the leaders of our churches, communities, and this country, which should be a shining example of how to act, have disappointed and even misled us with their actions. From my perspective, to feel respect for someone, you must also trust them. Similar to feeling respect, trust is earned (or not) by the actions of another person. If you don’t know what version of the person you get from moment to moment or day to day, it is impractical to think you can trust them and therefore feel respect for them. It is incumbent on those in positions of leadership to earn and keep the trust of those we lead. Even at the times when others tear down the morale and trust of others, and they will, it is critical that a leader continue to be a shining example of kindness and faith in the direction they are going, overcoming the noise created by discord by their actions.

In Biblical times, the psalmist, David was a man after God’s own heart. As a young lad in keeping his father’s sheep, he risked his own life to save a lamb from and lion and then later a bear, conquering the adversaries. Because he was faithful, when Goliath challenged the armies of Israel, David was not afraid to face the challenge and consequently won the battle. Over the days ahead, his own leader Saul, sought to destroy him, but David was courageous and steadfast in his mission to avoid confrontation with the man he loved so much. Even though he was given the opportunity to take the life of Saul, he would not do harm to God’s anointed. Through his mighty deeds, his compassion and staying true to his moral compass, David earned the trust of the children of Israel. He was imperfect in many ways but sincere in his efforts and his mission. No doubt those that followed him felt great respect for David!

I have committed myself to always show due respect to others, but for me or anyone else to truly feel respect for another person or group of people it must come as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements, or a combination of these, with all due respect!?