With All Due Respect

Creating high-performing teams is a tough thing to do. Keeping them high performing is even tougher. To crack the mysteries of high performance, consider this wisdom: ‘Successful people consistently do what other people only do occasionally. Successful teams are paced with successful people. If we could get our people to do the right things consistently, everyday, or businesses world would be more successful’.

Are your actions and behaviors as a leader worthy of respect? It is a simple - yet loaded - question.

While you may believe other people should treat you with respect because of your status, authority, or position, you cannot expect they automatically will. The ‘respectful leader’ will make an ongoing effort to be respect-worthy.

Today, many leaders fail to comport themselves in respectful ways. The signs may be subtle: Have you ever lied to a customer? Would you describe your leadership style as ‘command and control’? Have you ever blown up at your colleagues?

At other times, the signals are blatant. Some leaders are purposely disrespectful and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior.

Others shut down, check out, or walk out of meetings abruptly. They use foul language to describe and denigrate others. Or they play favorites and overlook the disrespectful behavior of rainmakers and internal VIPs.

How does your leadership compare? To determine if you are worthy of respect, ask these six questions:

Are you honest?

Obviously, lying to people is not respect worthy. But plenty of leaders try to get away with it for various reasons. The problem is that most people have what we, at the Center for Respectful Leadership, call a ‘built-in BS. detector’; they know when their boss is slinging them a line of baloney. People do not feel respected when they sense they are being lied to by their leaders.

You have probably heard the old saying that “honesty is the best policy.” There is a lot of wisdom in this, partly because when you are honest, most people can sense it and sincerely appreciate it, and they are more willing to help you solve problems as a result.

Even if the news you need to deliver is not particularly good, your people will appreciate and respect your transparency. We can tell you from experience, from working with hundreds of companies, nonprofits, and government agencies, that when leaders are as honest and open as they can be about what is goin on, they are more respected and trusted.

Do you follow through?

Another part of being a respect-worthy is simply doing what you say you are going to do and following through on your commitments. No one respects leaders who break their promises. In fact, it is more respect-worthy no to make a commitment in the first place than it is to commit and fail to honor it.

Most customers do not have patience for companies that do not follow through on their commitments. The same goes for employees and leaders. If an employee finds that their boss does not follow through, they will eventually go look to work for a leader who does.

Are you fair?

The respectful leader is consistently fair to everyone and avoids playing favorites. We have worked for managers who have played favorites - in fact, some of them made us their favorites! - and we did not respect them for it.

Do you have an employee who is critical to your company’s success? Do you overlook or defend their disrespectful behavior because of it? Unfortunately, this kind of favoritism is common in many organizations’ rainmakers and purported geniuses are given a pass by leadership because they are considered invaluable. This kind of favoritism is not respect-worthy, to say the least. Eventually, it will undermine morale and cost your organization money.

Respect-worthy leaders go out of their way to hold everyone to the same expectations and standards. Most employees respond well to a boss - even a firm, no-nonsense kind of boss - who treats everyone in a consistently fair manner.

Are you prone to swearing or name-calling?

When it comes to cursing and swearing, most people - even those who use foul language themselves - generally have little respect for leaders who swear often, especially if it is directed at others in the heat of anger. And they definitely do not respect senior executives who yell and call people ugly, disgusting names.

Even though you, and perhaps a few of your close colleagues, may be comfortable with these behaviors, please know that a significant number of people are not; they find them disrespectful. They do not consider them respect-worthy.

Now, of course, using a swear word when you stub your toe is usually understood and quickly forgiven by almost everyone. But cursing at someone or calling them a name is usually not. If you must swear, keep it about inanimate things and lousy situations, not people. And keep it quiet and to a minimum.

Are you clear?

Most employees appreciate clarity from their bosses. They want to know what the goals are, how success is measured, and when the work is due and then be allowed to get on with achieving this as best they know how.

Unfortunately, in the fog of busyness and multitasking, sometimes we are not as clear as we could be; we assume our employees know what we want. As we all know, assumptions can get us in trouble.

Or the reverse is true: We think our employees need to be told precisely what to do and how to do it. This is, of course, what micromanagers do. The respectful leader offers clarity on expectations, but not too much, and opens the door for employees to ask questions without worrying that they will be perceived as ignorant or needy by their boss.

Do you cultivate patience?

There is no doubt that in today's hypercompetitive business world, leaders everywhere are under enormous pressure to get things done quickly.? Unfortunately, this pressure is pushed down into organizations to the point where everyone is harping on everyone else to work ‘faster, faster, faster’! This approach can produce short-term results, but in the long run, it is exhausting and unsustainable.

The respectful leader understands that each person works best - and makes fewer mistakes - when they are allowed to work at their own pace. Sure, some people will try to take advantage of a patient boss. But, in a truly respectful culture, most people will willingly step up their pace when they see a genuine need to work fast.

Cultivate patience. Set reasonable time frame expectations. And trust our teams to deliver. They will.

The bottom line: The respectful leader consciously practices being respect-worthy.

by Gregg Ward | Executive Director at The Center for Respectful Leadership

Originally published May 2023 All India Management Association

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