Not All Conversations Are Created Equal: As a Leaders How Can you Tell Them Apart ??.

Leaders spend a significant amount of time in meetings – a recent study by Atlassian found that managers spend an average of 23 hours per week in meetings. But not all conversation during these meetings are created equal.In his book "Supercommunicators," Charles Duhigg, argues that conversations can be categorized into three main types:

1) The Analytical Conversations (What's this really about?):

Analytical conversations are the workhorses of communication in the business world. They get straight down to business, tackling problems, reaching decisions, and efficiently exchanging information. This focus on logic ensures everyone's on the same page regarding a situation's core elements. The goal? To solve problems, map out plans, and determine the next steps.

A prime example of an analytical conversation is a Quarterly Business Review (QBR) meeting. Here, executives, department heads, and team leads come together to analyze the past quarter's performance using data-driven decision-making.

2) Empathetic Conversations (How do we feel?):

These conversations delve deeper than just facts and figures. They center on feelings, needs, and building empathy. Here, the focus is on acknowledging and validating emotions to foster stronger connections with your team.

Imagine a team member approaching you with a challenge. Maybe they're feeling overwhelmed or facing difficulties in a new project. In such situations, it's crucial to recognize this as an emotional conversation. & to resist the urge to jump straight to solutions! Often, the primary need might simply be to be heard and understood.

Building on the concept of "The Coaching Habit," here's a powerful question you can use to identify the purpose of an emotional conversation:

"Thank you for sharing this with me. What's the biggest challenge you're facing right now?"

This open-ended question encourages your team member to elaborate on their feelings and needs. It avoids offering solutions prematurely and allows them to feel heard and supported. By actively listening and asking powerful questions, you can guide the conversation towards a more productive outcome, whether it's brainstorming solutions, offering guidance, or simply providing a listening ear.

3) Identity Conversations (Who are we?):

These conversations revolve around social status, roles, and group dynamics. They shape how we see ourselves and others within the context of the conversation. A team member may indirectly discuss their core values or culture with you by expressing their opinion on a topic, such as explaining the possibility of missing a deadline or exceeding the budget to deliver the best solutions. The goal of the long explanation may be to show their commitment to quality work.

Remember, as a leader if you are always in solution mode, most of your team may feel that you are not listening to them. This can lead to a breakdown in communication and drown you in the role of "problem solver."

George Bernard Shaw once said "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”