ALL CAPS EMAILS MUST DIE, DIE, DIE!

DIE. DIE. DIE.

AH. THE DREADED “ALL CAPS” EMAIL.

YOU KNOW. THE EMERGENCY ONE. THE ONE YOU MUST NOT IGNORE.

THE ONE THAT IS TAGGED URGENT, AS WELL AS SCREAMING AT YOU.

IN CASE, YOU KNOW, BEING SHOUTED AT HADN’T GOTTEN YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

AN ALL CAPS EMAIL COULD GET WORSE. FOR EXAMPLE, IF IT WERE WRITTEN IN COMIC SANS. OR CRAYON.

BUT THAT IS ABOUT THE ONLY WAY SUCH A MISSIVE WOULD APPEAR ANY LESS PROFESSIONAL THAN IT ALREADY IS.

BECAUSE WHAT AN ALL CAPS EMAIL REALLY SAYS IS THIS:

I AM IN A SITUATION, OVER WHICH I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL, AND CANNOT ARTICULATE MY FRUSTRATION IN ANY OTHER WAY THAN TO USE VERY BIG LETTERS TO LET YOU KNOW I MEAN BUSINESS THIS TIME. REALLY. I’M NOT KIDDING, GUYS.

AN ALL CAPS EMAIL ISN’T IMPORTANT.

IT’S IMPOTENT.

FRUSTRATED? YEAH. WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE. TICKED OFF? YOU BET.

ARE YOU IN THE RIGHT? MAYBE. PROBABLY. SURE.

BUT THIS AIN’T HELPIN’.

LOOK TO THE LEFT OF THE KEYBOARD.

CLICK THAT KEY WITH THE LITTLE LIGHT ON IT.

TAKE A BREATH. TAKE A BREAK. TAKE A WALK.

THINK: HOW WOULD A PROFESSIONAL HANDLE THIS?

NOT LIKE THIS.

DIE. DIE. DIE.

Originally appeared in 300 Words, 2 Minutes.