Aligning Differences

It's been a strange week, month, year, decade and overall a historical conundrum when talking about differences. As I have aged, I have become more of a watcher, collecting data on the human experience. In this article I want to reflect on the ability to stay united through differences. Let's ask some important questions and focus on intentional being. Why has the conversation on difference remained hostile? Have you noticed the increasing trend of shame and blame as a communication style? Have you noticed how the voices of one side get quieted, but there is no resolution to the difference? Have you ever asked what happens to the quieted? This is how we got here. This is how we will return if we don't learn, one person at a time. Why does the status quo demand sides be taken and a right an wrong rule book used? I am not here to condone atrocities or advocate for hate, rather discuss how to remind ourselves and others of how we learn. Learning leads to how we make decisions and feel informed. Sometimes lessons are sought due to interest and other times they are forced on us. When forced, the offense and hurt get in the way of the potential for new discussion.

So how are you planning to spend the next four years? How have you spent the last four years? Most of all, where is it taking you? Bernie Sanders had some things to say in his statement and interview regarding the 2024 election results. I think it called out some opportunities that are worth mentioning. There are lessons to be learned even if it is uncomfortable, and this nation is in desperate need.

We have become a nation of front doors through the garage and fear based assumptions of our neighbors. We have consistently quieted and shamed others for difference. We have been told our needs are a hassle and offensive. We have been asked to apologize with no plan forward. We have not been educated in nor motivated for the use of kindness. In plain, we have become sick adopting attachment styles of avoidance and anxiety. How many of us have grown to accept that we are anxious? How many of us stay focused on the absurd and offensive way privilege makes money off of us every day? How many of ua are addicted to the high of the bombastic behavior online? How many of us shell out or receive abuse with one another? Do you even know if you are? The madness is dizzying, no wonder we are lost.

One natural disadvantage is our land mass and lack of more shared boarders. Another is the wealth and incentivizing of the self versus the whole. That's right we have not been forced to consider difference. We haven't even been forced via geography to share land fluently or frequently enough. We have really taken the mine is bigger mantra and stuck with it. This has contributed to the selfishness we have seen in action and the offense of it clogged the communication pipeline. We have been distracted. We have lost curiosity and dug in, even when the math didn't add up. We have only gotten angrier and have forgotten that anger can lead to the message of need. We just got distracted by the sound of it all. We are tired and high from the rage rather than the contentment of consistent kindness. Kindness doesn't get us high, it keeps us sober. Well, we need a detox people.

During this age, it may be easy to lose hope and feel the ask is too big. It is important to remember that hope is the story of how the change or desire is achieved. My hope says we can learn through this discomfort and it begins with learning who we live next to and the values we have that unite us. Let's use Maslow's Hierarchy of needs as a guide. We all need food, shelter, clothing, ability to breathe and sleep. This consideration is a low risk starting point for connection. How many people seek out conversation with someone who holds different values or who identifies with a different group? What is your first reaction when you encounter a difference? Is it a pre-determination of bias or a potential to teach one another? How do you utilize discernment? Considering discernment is an observational learning tool which allows curiosity to be in the process. It is essential. Unifying through discernment is modeled in the documentary by Jeffrey Robinson titled Who we are, a chronicle of racism in America. We need to identify who is willing to learn, including ourselves along the way. It won't be everyone you talk to, but it will be enough to make a difference over time.

Knowing something, often winds up in a shame based narrative vein. Believing in something, gives us purpose. Patience is suffering with purpose. Without purpose, patience is an exploitive tactic and we are paying the price. I get angry just like everyone else and I know things that offend me, but I agreed with myself to limit what I truly know. This has allowed me to learn and join with opposing difference. I am not perfect, but I have committed to intentional choices. I think that is a fair ask for us who want to come together. Hatred and disgust are not a sustainable mindset and must be used in measure. Anyone seeking a journey of self reflection in action please watch Inside Out 2. This is an excellent reference for how one emotionally matures through reflection, accountability and balance.

Let's face it, relationship is inconvenient, but we need to get stuck in the first half there and focus on relating. As we move through the next cycle and the following one etc, I pledge to be intentional and not emulate the behaviors that destroy. I want to be remembered and known as a person who chooses kindness, whether it be listening or knowing its not the right time or person. I want to choose dignity in the process even if it is painful. I will not spend the time I have left here being distracted by one, or any hate fueled person.

This is a dire plea to pick connection and possibility versus the addiction of hate, ignorance and short sightedness. So I ask that you join with me in your own commitment forward. How you will stretch yourself towards? How will you teach others? How will you allow offense to be part of the conversation, not the shame point? This is not a popular ask, but maybe that is the problem as well. If we don't start something new soon we wont have anything left, not even our sense of self.

Please answer some of the questions in this article and begin the conversation with yourself and each other. Please forward, repost and respond to this so we can start connecting in new meaningful ways of progress.