Manipulation in childhood affects a child for the rest of his life

An alienated child has lost its freedom of mind and is completely trapped by the mindset of the controlling parent. All alienated parents recognize the pattern in which children are gradually alienated from them. They have all been completely defeated by an incompetent system that separated them from their children based on false statements by a coercive controlling parent. The stress and loyalty conflict for a child is tremendous, sometimes extreme. They do not know what to do with their (often mixed) feelings about the targeted parent and in the end they see only one way out; disown this parent, out of pure self-protection. They avoid any contact, because when it stops, the conflict, pain and sadness also stops.

The controlling parent uses refined manipulation strategies to create a negative image of the targeted parent in order that the child increasingly distances itself from this parent. An effective method driving a wedge between a child and the other parent is consistently portraying that parent in a bad light. Everything that parent does, thinks or says is negatively interpreted or distorted by the controlling parent and if this does not have the desired effect, heavier artillery is used, such as lies and false accusations of assault and abuse. Subtile and sophisticated, both with or without words, the child is infected with the thought that the other parent does not care about him and is even dangerous.

The alienated child eventually comes to a point where it does not want to see or speak that parent "ever again". At the same time, the controlling parent pretends to be the most loving, caring and protective parent, which makes it hard to see through the sick patterns of the coercive parent. Caught in this sickening parenthood, under disguise of 'safety and love', these children do what this parent wants them to do. They react in panic when they unexpectedly encounter the targeted parent outside in the street or become violent out of fear. This fear, which is in fact irrational, is immense and intense, some speak of trauma. It is not without a reason we call parental alienation a subtile but serious emotional abuse.

Jennifer Harman, assistent professor of psychology (Colorado State University) regularly presents research on parental alienation at scientific conferences around the world. She speaks about 'domestic terror' when it comes to the abusive ways of the alienated parent who manipulates its family and surroundings.

The question is what the youth care industry and judisdiction in the Netherlands will or can do in respons to parental alienation. The detachment of these children was caused by incompetent and incomplete research and/or the neglected signs for alienation and has profound consequences for the children as well as the targeted parents. In most cases, parental alienation becomes a fact after inadequate research and a lack of knowlegde abouth psychological aspects that is at the bottom of it all: one or other form of psychopathy, borderline and/or narcissism.

Healthy parents understand how damaging it is for a child to be deprived from one of the parents ,without a good reason. Prisoners and criminals are usually allowed to see their children. However, experiences with child abuse, being or having witnessed partner violence, neglected and/or sexual abuse in childhood however, deeply affects one's thinking and acting. It is -thus- an intergenerational trauma, passed on from parent to child.

This parent cannot give or respect the child's need to have a normal relationship with both parents. The loss, confusion and pain for the child is indescribable, as it is for the targeted parent. An alienated parent suffers from stress or develops a heart desease. Some parents who are about to lose contact with their children commit suicide.. While the controlling parent plays the 'caring, loving' parent, the alienated parent is often victimized by authorities or, like in Holland, become victim of gender inequality. Dutch youth care system does not function without the assumption that women are better caretakers. In most cases it is the father being the alienated parent and powerless by a system that does not verify false accusations and floats on assumptions with the risks of loosing custody.

The core of the problem is not the children. In these "complex" divorces many issues come together (sadness, grief, frustration, resentment, housing problems, financial settlements businesses, inheritances, etc) for which youth care is not trained to solve or even bear responsibility.

? Gerard Stokkink

#ouderverstoting #genderequality #oudervervreemding #jeugdzorgcrisis #jeugdzorgaffaire #alienation #parentalalienation #manipulation #childabuse #emotionalabuse

Sources:?https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34256247/?????????????????? Verantwoord scheiden:?shorturl.at/adBO3???????????????????? https://verdwenenzelf.org/wat-is-narcisme/?????????????????????????????????? Gender inequality: shorturl.at/ikmnD Family respons: shorturl.at/tR025