The Alchemy of Defeat

Billie Jean King famously said that “pressure is a privilege.” To feel pressure in sports means that you have put yourself in a position to compete, challenge yourself, test your resolve and resilience, and put your training into action. And while almost everyone competes to win, there is no growth without having experienced defeat. Ranier Maria Rilke wrote a poem called The Man Watching .? He ends the poem with the counter-intuitive observation that:

Winning does not tempt him.

His growth is: to be the deeply defeated

by ever greater things.

If you read the entire poem, you will see an underlying reference to Jacob wrestling with an angel in his sleep and when he awakes, he is left with an injured hip and a new name, Israel. Although he loses the battle he wakes up spiritually transformed, imbued with a powerful purpose, and far stronger than when he fell asleep, even if he is left physically impaired for the rest of his life.

This is the heart of what Rilke means when he says that one’s growth comes from being “deeply defeated by ever greater things.” ? It’s out of this submission to something more powerful than ourselves and the clarity and humility this engenders that leads us to climb new heights. It truly is about the journey and self-mastery and not about winning.

The ironic thing is that once we have such awakenings and epiphanies, we usually end up winning more in the traditional sense. The important thing is that we don’t shy away from putting ourselves in positions where we might be defeated because we can gain so much from such experiences.

When playing tennis, I have thought to myself that I would rather lose a very competitive match to a better player than play a lesser opponent and win easily.

The only way that I will improve is to keep playing better players and not only be willing to be defeated but to do so willingly because I will have been defeated by “ever greater things” that will only help me grow and increase my productive capacities.

Pressure in the world of chemistry is a mathematical equation. It’s a function of how much force is applied to a certain area. The larger the area, the more force required and conversely the smaller the area, the less force is required to generate an equal amount of pressure. And when it comes to force it’s an outside source of energy that elicits the pressure.?

When it comes to handling pressure as human beings, it’s completely subjective because everyone reacts in their own way to external stimuli based on pattern recognition, habits, traumas , environmental influences, formative experiences, genetics, etc. What is expected, however, between the scientific approach to pressure and the human experience of pressure is that outside energies are the triggers applied to a physical area in the former and our subconscious realm for the latter.

And unlike animals in experiments, we don’t have to succumb to learned helplessness. Processing external stimuli in an alchemical way is one of the most powerful skills a human can learn. The goal is to turn lead (emotional and psychological triggers) into gold (clarity and growth).?

I am a big believer that if you’re going to internalize, then you should fertilize.

It’s vitally important that if we are triggered by something that comes into our consciousness that, we put it through a reality filter. Is this something that is truly a threat? Will this fear or concern be impactful five years from now if I don’t do anything about it? Why is this creating such feelings inside me? Is there a way to reframe the situation in a more healthy and growth-inducing way? And, conversely, am I overconfident about this? Am I experiencing hubris? What am I missing?

It’s essential that we adopt a curious, observer-oriented mind versus being a judge or critic. We are students of life and trying to do our best to master our own being. This is not easy but eminently fascinating if we adopt a curious, learning-oriented mindset.?

Joseph Campbell

I have referenced Joseph Campbell many times over the years. When I’m feeling anxious, fearful, unsettled, or have an overall sense of dis-ease, I have found the following insights about the challenges of being human to be very helpful because he also offers powerful insights as to how we can manage our lives more effectively in general and what we can do in specific circumstances.?

This is what Campbell said about how triggers are actually quite natural and inseparable from being human. And while he is initially focused on using fantasy and imagination as examples to make his point, I would say what he is discussing applies to any external stimuli that trigger emotional reactions within us.

Fantasy and imagination is a product of the body. The energies that bring forth the fantasies derive from the organs of the body. The organs of the body are the source of our life and of our intentions for life, and they conflict with each other. Among these organs, of course, is the brain. And then you must think of the various impulses that dominate our life system — the erotic impulse; the impulse to conquer, conquest, and all that; self-preservation; and then certain thoughts that have to do with ideals and things that are held up before us as aims worth living for and giving life its value and so forth. All of these different forces come into conflict within us.

So, how does one help mediate these conflicting impulses within us? For Campbell , he believes turning to myths and rituals can be very helpful.

And the function of mythological imagery is to harmonize them, coordinate the energies of our body, so that we will live a harmonious and fruitful life in accord with our society, and with the new mystery that emerges with every new human being — namely, what are the possibilities of this particular human life? And mythology has to do with guiding us –first, in relation to the society and the whole world of nature, which is outside of us but also within us, because the organs of our body are of nature; and then also, the guiding of the individual through the inevitable stages of life, from childhood to maturity, and then on to the last gate. And this is concerned with those matters.

Studying myths and even going so deeply into them that we identify what myths we are living is a long but very worthwhile and powerful pursuit to help one lead a very powerful and meaningful life. For those who are just waking up to the conflicting, natural energies we all have within us, I have found that thinking of myself as a conductor of a powerful symphony helps coordinate and harmonize all of my energies. Some instruments will want to play louder when they need to be dampened down, and others that should be more prominent need to be elevated by my conductor.?

The goal is to create harmony and beauty that creates clarity. And from clarity, I am now operating from my quiet center and energized to have the commitment to pursue what my intuition is telling me is the right path. With having a clear direction, I can then muster the courage to take the actions necessary to start my journey. And as inevitable obstacles are faced along the way, I will have the resolve and resilience to overcome them and keep moving further ahead. And yes, setbacks will allow me to be “deeply defeated by ever greater things”, but that’s ok because that will only help me grow and succeed in the long run.

Last week, I discussed the power of bold action to improve the outcome of one’s life. I riffed on Mr. Spock’s Vulcan greeting of “Live long and prosper” and modified it to “Live boldly so you may prosper.” I ended the post by mentioning that I was going to apply this notion of boldness to some tennis statistics that were quite interesting and informative in terms of bold playing. It has great applicability to this discussion about pressure as the best players are statistically the best at successfully managing pressure.

Under Pressure Rating

The governing body of men’s tennis tracks all of the vital statistics for its players, and one category is Under Pressure Rating, which is apropos for this blog post. What I found fascinating here is not only how many top 10 players are represented in the top 10 of this category (6) but who the top 10 are based on career stats and how well this matches up to who the best players of all time are. If you expand the list to the top 13 over the past 52 weeks, then 8 of the top 13 are represented.

So what categories makeup the Under Pressure rating? There are four of them.?

Break Points Converted – This is when you have the opportunity to win the game as a service returner by winning one more point.?

Break Points Saved—This is winning the next point as the server, which allows the game to continue rather than?losing it.?

Tie Breaks Won – This is when a set is tied and a seven point tie break is carried out such that the first person to achieve a minimum of seven points and a two point margin wins.?

Deciding Set Won – This is when sets are tied 1-1 in a best of three or 2-2 in a best of five, the percentage of time one is victorious.?

It’s in the second category of Break Points Saved which has the greatest representation of top 10 players (7) in the top 10 of this category. This is when it’s critical to be bold and come in with a very strong serve and set yourself up to get out of the hole. Everyone is going to have their backs against the wall. It’s those that know how to get out of such situations that help them build up resilience , inspire creativity, determination, courage, grace, and improved decision making. Boldness pays off very highly under such situations.

Now what about the best of all time? From the eyeball test it seems to me that there is a strong correlation

between doing well under pressure and all time success. Here are the top five highest rated players since these statistics have been tracked:

1) Novak Djokovic

2) Pete Sampras

3) Rafael Nadal

4) Roger Federer

5) Carlos Alcaraz

That’s a pretty impressive list and lends strong credence to the importance of not only having grace under pressure but also not being afraid to take bold action when necessary.

Anyone that is on a journey to reach the summit of their field or just to invest in a life of continuous improvement and mastery knows that defeat is not only an option but a requirement. Without setbacks there is no learning and without learning there is no growth and improvement.?

It took the Chicago Bulls to overcome their nemesis the Detroit Pistons to coalesce into one of the great basketball dynasties. If you read about their journey every player involved could not emphasize enough how continuously losing to the Pistons not only left them with a terrible taste in their mouth and a chip on their shoulder but also made it abundantly clear what they needed to improve to be able to beat them.

As I like to say, “Know pain, know gain.” They alchemized their pain into tremendous gain.

And while one must live boldly in order to prosper , one can only learn to live boldly by learning how to be defeated by ever greater things. This is truly the alchemy of defeat.