An airplane story about fear…

You board an airplane. It’s something you’ve done every week for a long time. This time it’s different. A “nervous nellie” is seated next to you.

As the doors close, and you’re both buckled in, your row-mate says “I’ve never flown before and I am terrified. I hope the pilot knows what they’re doing.”

Or, “Is it the kind of plane that keeps crashing because it’s poorly built?” which is a thought you sometimes entertain and quickly block in your head.

Or, “I don’t like sitting next to people like you.” Something you’ve never heard before that is awkward and off-putting.

Or, “The weather between [here] and [there] looks awful. I hope we get there on time.” Well, uh, so does everyone else.

What are you facing here? Is it a “Karen,” one of those people who feels so superior that they believe their needs are the only important ones? Is it someone who might be a really decent human being who is anxious? Is it an AH who's going to make you ask yourself why you chose this seat?

Anxiety is fear. As an acronym, F.E.A.R. can stand for any number of things:

--Forget --Everything And Run

--For Everything A Reason

--Find Everything Anxiety-Raising

--False Evidence Appearing Real

--Fail Early And Responsibly

--False Emotions Appearing Real

and plenty more.

The challenge? All of these that are about anxiety, meanness, orneriness, stupidity or folks appearing to be just plain “cray-cray” (sorry--crazy) can be contagious.

You don’t need or want that, any more than they woke up this morning deciding to make your life less enjoyable. From a Trauma-Responsive perspective, what to do?

1. You could act like you’re a non-English speaker, which may or may not work.
2. How about pretending to be deaf, or putting earbuds or a headset on so you can act like you don’t hear them?
3. You could needle them by saying “Oh, they hire all kinds of people and the FAA suspends the need for a pilot’s license and qualification on this specific plane” or “I saw rivet holes when I boarded..” or “Yeah, the tail number matches a recall number” or “Who cares if we get there on time or not?”
4. Then again, you might say, “Sorry you’re feeling anxious--I can understand, and please forgive me while I listen to this recorded [lecture, podcast, book].”
5. And you can always press the call button above your head and ask if it’s possible to be reseated (without asking someone to give up a far more desirable seat on the plane).
6. Finally, if you remember the acronyms, you could think about which it might be and how you hope others would respond to you based on each one. The silence may cause you to appear wise.

Boarding an airplane feels risky these days. Adding your stress and anxiety to everyone else’s only makes it worse for all the passengers and crew. Show a little love and the fear dissipates.