Aim High, Start Low

As the New Year rolls by, many of us get into the habit of making resolutions. Resolutions are tactical steps toward a larger vision that we (may) often leave unsaid. For example, an oft-heard resolution is to “lose weight”. This resolution is cloaked in a larger vision that we have of looking and feeling good.

Sadly, the vision, undergirding most resolutions is singularly personal and individualistic and is wrapped in what we think is good for us. Rarely does it consider our potential to change the world or our untapped capacity to influence the lives outside our immediate circle of relationships? This is not surprising given that we are individuals and we either lack the power or feel we are too insignificant to envision a major impact. This causes us to ignore the larger potential of the change we can be. This results in us being captive to our prejudices and becoming prisoners of our ignorance, and we gladly stay within its limits, refusing to push through. Furthermore, we have largely known, or rather been drawn to, a single measure of success — whether it be money, wealth, power, education, or the like. We need to ask why our resolutions are rarely about larger goals that extend beyond us.

Riffing off an old Rene Descartes quote, “we do not understand the world we see; we see the world we understand”, we choose to limit dreams and aspirations to something small, even though the potential for greater global impacts lies dormant within us. Yes, we have achieved the heights of technological progress. Sadly, it has been at the expense of relational depth.

As 2022 rolls to an end, and 2023 births a world of new possibilities, I’d like to suggest a skill that, if invested in, has the potential to change the world. The skill I suggest investing in is relational empathy with the “other” in perspective. This would release us to be compassionate, and other-minded and handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. The purpose would be to emancipate us from the highly individualistic world we have chosen as our prison, into a world where we can truly be empathetic neighbors and friends. It slowly expands our circle of fellowship to one beyond our immediate surroundings to truly stand with the marginalized and enslaved around the world. This is more about recognizing our limitations to be prescient about the direction society is heading and making the necessary adjustments so that it can be redeemed, and through it, we find deeper meaning in ourselves.

The goal here is not to be a superhero, as much as it is to be an angel to someone. Not just a utilitarian problem solver, but a person who can be counted on to step up and lend a hand. The point here is to be more like yeast that leavens the whole loaf, as Jesus reminds us. We need to intentionally be a part of the change and remind ourselves that this is not about us, and rather that it is about the world we are called to enrich. Lau Tzu’s words must be remembered here: “A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” There is a dire need for men and women who choose “good” as a lifestyle, and we need to remember that we qualify, but whether we step up to it is a decision left up to us. Even as the world has reduced us to instruments of utility, we need to be reminded of our capacity for change and the common good. It was Samuel Johnson who once reminded us, “People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.”

There is a question we need to ask ourselves: Do our resolutions, and their accompanied actions, reflect our pursuit of value (for the common good), or does it feed our desire for vanity?

A thought that has stayed with me is that the stability of any mechanism increases as its “center of gravity” gets closer to the floor. This is a principle that is commonly accepted in biomechanics. Translating this into everyday life, when we have a service orientation that incorporates people whom we perceive to be in a lower state than us — whether it is financial, educational, health-related or many others variables — the stability of the society that we occupy will increase. Pursuing value for the common good requires us to start at a different point, and start at a perspective that we may consider “lower”. Going low requires us to extend our minds to things that truly benefit the world around us. To be clear, this is not about abandoning excellence or the heights to which your creativity, intelligence, and hard work can rise to when combined with the release of the individual spirit. But this is more about using our realms of excellence to positively impact people around us, instead of viewing this purely through the lenses of self-enrichment.

I believe that, as a larger society, we have lost the desire to improve the lives of those around us by truly “doing good”. A true desire for relational empathy with others is the only thing that permits you to step down into the lives of people. Like a powerful dad willing to change his newborn’s diaper, love enables us to reject our perceived position in this world and step down so that our humanity remains redeemable and the caricatures we have created of ourselves remain artificial creations of our limited knowledge and creativity.

Imagine what the world would begin to evolve to if we chose to “step down” in 2023 so that the world, and our civilization, might be enhanced and released to greater potential. What if we, on different ends of ideological, religious, economic, and political spectrums reached across the aisle and agree on ends that truly benefit the world? This is not a fearful return to history as it may have been, but a march towards a world of expanded possibilities for all its citizens.

This means that companies would envision a world in which their customers are truly served, societies whose members were openly enriched, and religions whose adherents were faithful blessings.

It was with humans and their interpersonal relationships that all of civilization began. Perhaps it is time to reach back and appreciate all of humankind, with a premium placed on true relationships, as a starting point to make the world a better place for all of us.

So, is there a new year resolution? Yes, and this is it:

• Take care of yourself and your real (often unperceived) needs, but don’t let that limit you from seeing the world outside of it.
• Ask yourself what you would like if you were in the position of those marginalized around you.
• Do something about it in line with who you are and to the best of your ability, even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone.
• Truly invest in the world you wish to leave behind.

As T.S Eliot?eloquently reminded us in “Little Gidding,” Four Quartets (1943)

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time

It is time to arrive where we began — in community and relationships. For 2023, this is a good goal.

Also published here: https://medium.com/@phillipose/aim-high-start-low-45e9f40637e0