AHHHHHHH I'm An Introvert & Get Me Out Of Here! - 7 Reasons Why Introverts Dislike Christmas

Firstly, thanks for clicking on my article here on the ol' LinkedIn. I certainly don't consider myself a writer, or an expert, but I do consider myself a "blackbelt" in introversion (& generally being awful in social situations) & I wanted to share some insights as to why "your lovely friend, weirdly doesn't like Xmas"

I'd like to start this article by saying, introverts aren't grinches...ok, some might be, but honestly, we're not!

Personally, I love that you love it! I love that you put your decorations up the day after Halloween, I love that you have Mariah Carey saved on your phone and can't wait to play it....endlessly. I love that you're desperate to wear that 'tacky' Xmas jumper I love that you're seeing your family! GREAT

I'd just..."rather not" thank you

Imagine you're in "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" & you're doing one of the bushtucker trials surrounded by your fears, but your fear is Xmas & everyone keeps shoveling more Xmas & more Xmas at you. "Hey, we're going for a team meal" "Hey, here's a Christmas Card" "Hey, are you doing the secret santa" "What are you wearing for the party" "what are you doing for xmas?" - AHHHHHHH I'm An Introvert & Get Me Out Of Here!

In general, Christmas is a joyful, relaxing, and celebratory occasion, But for people who become exhausted by prolonged periods of social interaction, it can be draining...like, really draining.

I'd like to confess the worst kept secret in my life, I genuinely dread the entire of December (honestly, every day is a chore to get through). It's really hard to articulate, especially if you LOVE Xmas, probably thinking "Why would anyone hate this time of year?" *stick with me, I'll tell you)

Speaking personally, I'm a nondrinker, despise pubs, hate a sit-down meal, the music can 'do one', not a 'family man', definitely don't do large gatherings, not a fan of Xmas food (although 'pigs in blankets' & 'mince pies' are an exception, everything else can bog off), I'm not a 'film guy', 'Christmas specials' I find tedious & back to the (too many) gatherings, small talk is NOT my bag.. So I'd like to flip the question "Why would I like Xmas?" - Xmas is a horror show in my world - I'm often met with baffled faces & various questions of "why"

Although, I do try every year to "get into the spirit" - see homemade advent calendar >>>

Back to Introversion in general though:

Introversion is a misunderstood trait, as it can be associated with people being reclusive, standoffish, rude or even, selfish. But in reality, it is none of these.

Susan Cain, the author of, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, challenges this myth. She defines introversion as, “a preference for environments that are not overstimulating.” It makes complete sense then, that people who identify with 'Introversion', Really can struggle with 'The Wonders Of Christmas".

Introverts tend to be natural 'people pleasers' — so chances are, we will go along with something even though it will cause us anxiety in the long run. Let me give you the yearly internal battle that keeps me up at night every December. "How do I decline the invite, without offending....fiiiiine I'll go" (and honestly, not enjoy myself & sometimes hate myself for going)

I've attended 11 of the 18 Christmas parties & I can safely say, I've regretted attending the 11 & not regretted not attending the other 7. For those introverts reading this, that *weird* feeling you get after 'a social do' is real & nothing to be ashamed about. (it takes me about 5 days to 'get back to normal')

So with all that preamble, I give you a breakdown of why Xmas is awful....for the naturally introverted.

1. The Neverending Loop of Socialisation

Christmas is never "one day" (Oh how we can wish), the entirety of December is essentially a countdown to Xmas (I've literally described an advent calendar) but if it stayed with the chocolate pieces I'd be fine with that, but now we cram so much into the days of December (& I see some of you doing things in Novemeber!...NO!) THEN there's that weird week between Xmas & new years too (ergh, I can feel the energy drain from me just typing that out), so there are the 24+ days of the build-up of events and then the events - And in this time, socialising with friends and family becomes the main focus. For introverts, this is waaaay too much, overwhelming and exhausting!

*It's the 6th of December as I post this and I'm done, can we move on, please?

Of course, we love to see friends and family and spend time with them — but Christmas intensifies this for two/three/four weeks. It can be hard for us to find the time to be alone and recharge our batteries when every day *something* is on.

Introverts will often sit back in large gatherings, and just absorb the conversation, and that’s okay. If we do this, we’re not doing it to seem rude or anti-social, it’s just the way in which we cope with social occasions the best.

“[Introverts] listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation.” — Susan Cain

2. Opening Presents Is Not That Enjoyable for Us

As soon as a present is placed in your lap — all eyes are on you. We may dread opening presents — because of the unwanted attention this brings — but that doesn’t mean we aren’t grateful or appreciative of the effort that has gone into buying us a gift. We just find it hard to express this at the moment and are hindered by our racing hearts or sweaty palms.

It may be easy for us to come across as ungrateful or rude — but if you know an introvert in your life, or family, cut them some slack at Christmas. The chances are, they really love and appreciate the gift you’ve given them, but would rather express this to you in a quieter setting, when the pressure of everyone in the room is taken away

3. The Dread that comes With Party Games & Board Games

And when all the presents have been opened, and we think we can relax, out come the party games

Board games seem like a great idea at the time – despite the fact you would never dream of playing one at any other time of the year. After your third turn, you suddenly remember why "Oh jezz, how do I lose in the quickest amount of time?...can you just declare bankruptcy in monopoly? Is it wrong if I prey for a powercut while I play this video game...I apparently know none of the buttons.

Tip: Let the introvert watch with ZERO pressure to play, you might be surprised, they might join in!

It is just a game and it doesn’t matter — but we’d much rather not — to be frank. If someone in your group chooses to opt-out of a game, don’t try and force them into participating, cut them some slack, they might just be tired and exhausted from all the socialisation that’s taken place.

4. The Crowds

HOW, how are there this many people outside? why are they all here? I just want to get lunch, I just want to get my normal food shop, I just want to get to work - but now there's a 4555% increase in people...seemingly everywhere (they know it's cold outside, right?)

Crowds, often loud, noisy and (obviously) congested, easily overstimulates introverts and drains them of their physical energy. They end up feeling more physically isolated than supported by their surroundings, and would rather be anywhere but that sea of people.

*this sort of explains my natural disdain for pubs/clubs/restaurants - thank you, but no thank you

Think of an introvert in your home, which is normally set up for your "normal" number of people, now is Xmas & for some reason, we decide to increase its occupancy by 200% in some cases. - yes I'm a blast to be around your Xmas table (looking at the exit door)

5. The Element That All of This Is forced

There’s no real way of getting out of Christmas

The idea of forced social interaction has always seemed a bit strange to me. But during Christmas, it’s even more intense because it’s drawn out over a few weeks. It can make introverts feel like they have nowhere to hide and recharge themselves.

One of the main characteristics of an introvert is that they get their energy from being by themselves — and at Christmas and in large social gatherings — this is pretty hard to attain.

If you notice someone from your group going off to another room by themselves — they’re not being rude — but simply trying to cope with it all. While most extroverts are energised by such interactions (I sort of envy you...at this time of year), introverts often feel?intimidated, bored or exhausted?by them.

6. It’s Not Just Family But Work And Friends

The final thing about Christmas is that it’s not just the fact it’s drawn out for a few weeks, but among several groups of people.

There’s family, work colleagues and friends — which means even more chances for socialization and we can easily feel overwhelmed at the number of dinners, parties and events we have to attend during this time. If we decline, it’s not something to be taken personally, the likelihood is, we just feel overwhelmed. It’s a busy time of the year. BUT THEN "guilt" kicks in & some of us "oversubscribe" on the social interactions.

Of course, we want to spend time with those we love and we’re not always as socially reclusive as we’re made out to be — we just like to be selective and mindful of who, when and how we socialise — and that’s pretty difficult during the festive season.

7. The Small Talk...Allllll the small talk & having the same conversation about your life for the 50th time.

Small talk stresses us out, while deeper conversations make us feel alive.

While most extroverts are energized by such interactions, introverts often feel intimidated, bored or exhausted by them. It's not uncommon in large conversations for introverts to take on the role of the quiet listener and then take time alone once it's complete. As Sophia Dembling, the author of The Introvert's Way: Living A Quiet Life In A Noisy World, explains in her book, it ultimately comes down to how a person receives (or doesn't receive) energy from their surroundings. Instead, introverts prefer deeper conversations, rather than talking about the weather or "the decorations look nice" for the 50th time

To save time, here's something you can print out and hand around:

Merry Christmas relative!

It's great to see you. My course and/or job is going well, thanks. Living in [………] is nice but I miss you all terribly.

This has been lovely, let's do it again next Christmas x

**BONUS** Xmas Hate (while I'm talking about why Xmas isn't 'awesome')

The harm to the planet

I don’t want to get all Inconvenient Truth on you, buuuuuuuuut tonnes and tonnes of wrapping paper and cardboard will not get recycled. Gallons of fat will go down the sink and clog up the sewers. Mountains of food will be scraped into the bin or left to go off because there’s too much to eat & I've not even mentioned all the ridiculously stupid Xmas presents people buy in a secret Santa.

I suppose fewer people use their cars…is that something?

Love, Actually

Possibly one of, if not?the?worst Christmas film to have ever entered into production, if not?the worst film in the world.

• Whats-his-face trying to steal Kiera Knightley from under her husband’s nose.
• The annoying kid.
• Kris Marshall’s ludicrous storyline.

I resent Christmas for this film.

Family time is compulsory

Don’t get me wrong; spending time with family is great. All 74 minutes.

On any other day, the idea that you’d lock yourself into a house with all your relatives for 24 hours is laughable.

Yet come the 25th, apparently, it’s an entirely sane proposition. Who cares that you barely know, like or ever see these people?

Brussel Sprouts

This is a joke, right? No one actually likes these balls of ancient fart in ball form, right? it blows my mind that my rabbits eat these, but humans too? you have to ask yourself the question "there must be a reason why they're only really sold at Xmas"

Christmas Carols

If you want to claw your ears out when you hear the same carols for the 500th time I'm with you, but apparently, we're in the minority & people that actually go caroling, I love you, but please...not on my door (it's really hard & awkward closing the door while you're singing)

In conclusion, Whatever Christmas is like this year for you, it pays to be more mindful of those in your group who are quieter or more withdrawn. This is not a sign that they do not want to spend time with you, but merely, it’s hard, because of who we are.

I want to like Xmas....I just have (almost) zero enjoyment out of it

In case you are wondering, the best Xmas dinner I ever had was one I did for myself on Xmas eve, Getting myself a Five Guys Enterprises , Burger King & 麦当劳 all on one plate (in case you hadn't guessed, I hate Xmas dinner) but I did love this trifecta of burgery goodness.

I do wish you a Merry Christmas but please, I'd love to opt-out.