Aging Vitally and Thriving is Possible. Continuously Examine your Attitudes

Negative attitudes aren’t necessarily products of your past. They may be expressions of fear about your future.

Several years ago, my son and I went on a whitewater rafting trip to Maine. On the Dead River we had a firsthand experience of how perception of fear shapes performance. It was spring, the water was high and for whitewater rafting this is a fun time to be on the river. As we launched, all in or wetsuits and helmets, in a group of about eight rafts, six people per raft plus a river guide we were excited. The six people per raft sit up on the sides of the raft and row to help the guide get you down the river safely while having fun on the rapids and whitewater. As we started out on calmer water the guide gave us some instruction and we practiced our teamwork to be able rapidly maneuver the raft. If you have a great team of rowers, you can have much more fun by taking on challenging rapids and big water. The guide of course wants to know what kind of team he/she has before the big water is reached. On this day all six of us in our raft were eager to have a ball. We were all friends, and most were veteran rafters. We saw it as a challenge, wanted to take on as much big water as we could. Our guide seemed pleased with the team she had and assured us we would take on big challenges. Off we went.

We made it through the first couple of sets of rapids and were having a ball. When we got to the next calmer section the guides in our raft group were showing serous safety concerns. In one of the other rafts, four of the six rowers had become terrified and were sitting in the bottom of raft no longer helping row. There was no way the guide could maneuver the raft safely with just two people helping and the dead weight of four others. There was no way back to the start and the end of our trip was miles downriver. Our raft was maneuvered next to the troubled raft and my son and I got into it to help row it while moving two of the bottom sitters back into or original raft. Now each raft had four rowers and two bottom sitters. While this move made it safe for us to continue, it also meant we had to approach the river much more defensively and could take on few fun challenges. We also realized once aboard that the two rowers who were still rowing were spent from trying to do the work of six earlier. The upshot of it was we had a lot less fun on the ride, but all got safely to the end of the ride and the takeout point.  The four people sitting in the bottom of the rafts were feeling very embarrassed, defeated and spent. How is it that in a group of about 50 people all but four of us saw it as a challenge, with some risk for sure, yet a lot of fun? While four others became so terrified, they ceased to function. Fears about or future can be debilitating.

How does this apply to aging vitally and thriving despite the new challenges we face?  From the time we get into our middle fifties there is a strong culture bias (both covert and overt) that the best is behind for us and we are on a gradual downward slope into the grave. Most of us have had successes in life, have many competencies, are very skilled, have a long track record of successes and have 35 more years to live on average. But, this message of inevitable unrelenting decline begins to rent space between our ears (it works on us from inside out). First the message causes us to begin to doubt ourselves. Mistakes we make are just mistakes like they always have been, but we begin to wonder if they are a sign we are declining. This leads to us beginning to believe we “can’t” that blocks to our earlier belief we “could.” We get told the “you’re too old for” story over and over. You’re too old for this or that is hogwash, don’t buy it unless you’ve tried it and decided for yourself not to do it. Most of what we stop doing as we age is because we stop even trying new things. We believe we can’t, so we don’t try, is nothing more than fear of the future.  The “can’t do” attitude also works largely between our ears as well, challenge it. We begin being fearful of fragility and so we become more fragile (self-fulfilling). You are still the person you’ve always been. Look at your track record, that is who you still are, -successful. Yes, you have a few less resources but you can still do a hell of a lot.  Would you prefer to live sitting in bottom of life’s raft being fearful and defeated or would you rather be up on the side of the raft rowing and enjoying the rapids and rush of life’s whitewater? I’ll take the latter thanks and hope you will too.