Aging or Ageing Part 2 - A Self Reflection

I have recently seen and have experienced too many loved ones, business partners, friends and people around me who have gone too soon, to sickness and misfortunes. Many more are still battling these terminal illnesses and are fighting for their lives that have adversely affected their quality of life and inevitably, also those people around them. Like me, they have always worked very hard during the course of their lives, for future living and have given up so much for a hope of a better life eventually, both for themselves and their families.

It is almost sad to point out that many are still thinking of their unfinished work during such times. This left me thinking that if all they have in their minds is work, even when they are staring death in the face, then perhaps, they have not lived at all. I too, used to see everything as work and with that, my heart feels hollow. Upon closer scrutiny, I realize that I have lived my life the wrong way. It has adversely impacted me, my views of life and essentially, how I want to live it. Even more importantly, it has opened up my perspectives to growing old gracefully and ultimately, making peace with life and even embracing death.

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love and death is one of life’s biggest challenges. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. We may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, denial, guilt and naturally, profound sadness. Although the death of a loved one brings pain, it also gives us wisdom. Death is our greatest teacher. For some of us, the death of another brings awareness and insight. Experiencing the death of a loved one is, unlike any other experience. The pain of grief can and will disrupt our physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. I don’t ever remember being afraid of “aging and growing old”.

My dad always viewed strongly that LIFE, if rightly lived, if really lived, is never afraid of death. He used to tell me that;- ‘If you have lived your life, you will not fear death. It will come like a rest, like a great sleep. If you have peaked, climaxed in your life, then death is a beautiful and deserving rest. But if you have not lived, then of course, death creates fear. If you have not lived, then certainly death is going to take time from your hands, all future opportunities to live.’ He held this belief dearly till the day he is gone.

It is all beginning to make more sense to me now. I opine if you have not lived a past, there is certainly going to be no future and thus, fear arises. Fear arises not because of death but mainly because of unlived life. And because of the fear of death, old age also gives fear, as that is the first step of death. Otherwise, ageing should be beautiful for it is a ripening of our being, maturity and growth. If you live moment to moment, to all the challenges that life gives and you use all the opportunities that life opens and if you dare to adventure into the unknown to which life calls and invites you, then ageing is a maturity.

“It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.” ― Gabriel García Marquez

Unfortunately most of us simply age, we become old, without any maturity corresponding to it. That’s probably why ageing is being viewed as a burden. We have aged in the body, but our consciousness has remained juvenile and we have not matured in our inner life. The inner light is missing and death is coming close every day; of course we will tremble and we will be afraid and there will arise great anguish in us. Those of us who live rightly, we accept ageing with a deep welcome, because growing old simply says that now we are coming to flower, coming to a fruition, that now we will be able to share whatsoever we have attained. It is the most beautiful time of life. All the foolishness of childhood gone, all the fever and passion of young age gone.

Yes, there are things I miss about being younger - largely the ability to pull all-nighters and keep working and working well and being smiled at by girls I didn’t know who thought I was cute and I wish I had the eyesight I had from five years ago albeit that stuff feels pretty trivial as I grow older. I’m happier than I’ve been at any time in my life these days. I think people understand things different when they get older. It’s not a question of getting soft or seeing things in the grey areas instead of black and white. I really believe I’m just understanding things different, seeing them clearer and better. Yes, I do wish the time hadn’t gone by so fast, though. And yes, sometimes I wish I had enjoyed it more on the way and worried about it less.

Aging is a tremendously beautiful process and it should be so because the whole of life moves towards it. It should be the peak. How can the peak be in the beginning? How can the peak be in the middle? But if you think your childhood is your peak, as many people think, then of course your whole life will be a suffering because you have attained your peak;- now everything will be a declining, coming down. If you think young age is the peak, as many people think, then of course after thirty-five you will become sad, depressed, because every day you will be losing and losing and losing and gaining nothing. The energy will be lost, you will weaken, diseases will enter into your being, and death will start knocking at the door. The home will disappear, and the hospital will appear. How can you be happy? No, in the East we have never thought that childhood or youth is the peak. Growing old is a natural process where things are slowing down and you will begin to see that the sparkle in your heart and the twinkle in your eyes make you beautiful in a way that's not achievable in youth. As the saying goes;- The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.

Invest our time in what adds value into our life. Our focus becomes about living a more enriched life because anything else is only draining our precious life force. Ask ourselves if it is even worth giving our precious life force to something that happened in the past? To someone who doesn’t deserve it? To a situation we outgrew? Remember, our attention and our focus is our power. The scenarios we overthink and constantly replay aren’t evolving us. Stop the self-judgment and just forgive ourselves. Decide now that we are going to better manage our energy. We are going to think, feel and do what evolves us. We are going to make peace with what has happened and what we can’t change. The peak waits for the very end. And if life flows rightly, by and by, we will reach higher and higher peaks. Death is the ultimate peak that life attains.

(Disclaimer : I offer articles of differing perspectives that have some raw truths that I identify with, albeit in no way am I saying that this is right or correct as we all have our own heart to follow. I'm open to many perspectives and thoughts and it's my way of sharing my ever evolving thoughts and understanding, of my own realizations, self love and journeys, which comes from time spent in solitude and self reflection. These are mirrors to help us, to help me understand ourselves / me better.

All rights and acknowledgement goes to the author / originator of these stories, not just me.)