The Agile Parenting Paradox
David Filer
| ??CTO | ??Fractional COO | ??Digital Transformations | ??Driving IT, Product, & Ops Transformations via technology by building teams that are great at ‘Say Do’ thru transparency, innovations & extreme ownership.
Welcome to Part 4 of my 7-part series of Why You’re an Agile Failure. In Parts 1 through 3, we discussed the Golden Circle; by Simon Sinek, as well as explored the correlation between the surge in Agile adoptions with the increase of GenZ and Millennials in the workplace.
In Part 4, I plan to address the topic of parenting. Hmm…Parenting in the workplace? Yes, there is an epidemic lack of parenting in the workplace that has greatly increased. Benjamin Franklin was known for a lot more then electricity. He also recognized the value of parenting in the workplace. “Tell me and I forget; teach me and I may remember; involve me and I learn.” Merriam Webster defines parenting as the taking care of someone in the manner of a parent.
In the era of all things Agile, we have lost our real-time parenting voice as leaders. We have instead opted for group thinking, dot voting, and decentralizing authority. Self-organized teams are great; but who is teaching them and involving them in the things they will learn. Coaching is not parenting. I admit I am not part of the millennial generation (albeit not far off). As I look over the span of my career, which is now over 20 years, I can count on one hand the leaders who inspired and, quite frankly, pissed me off the most. These are the leaders that parented me. These leaders gave me real-time feedback. They didn’t believe in sugar coating things. They weren’t as concerned with my feelings as they were with ensuring I understood what behaviors I needed to course correct. They were also able to teach me the tools I needed to make these necessary course corrections.
About five years ago, I had the privilege to report to the CTO of the Number 1 retail and consumer measurement company in the world. At that time, I was responsible for her financials. Her portfolio was easily over $160mm in total cash, and some years (depending on program funding) closer to $200mm. In my first six months in the role, I made a mistake. A big mistake. A mistake that was going to cost her $1 million of operating expenses budget in her current quarter, and a mistake that would reset her budget lower by $1 million per quarter for the rest of the year. Despite my best efforts to undo my mistake, it was done, and the money and subsequent budget was gone. It was time for me to walk into her office and simply tell her what I did. Our offices were next door to each other, but it was the longest ten steps of my life.
As I entered her office, I asked if I could have a few minutes. She said yes. I sat down and simply blurted out, I made a mistake. I went on to explain the bad decision I made and what I learned from the situation. To my surprise, she simply started to laugh out loud. As I looked at her puzzled, she said three things to me. First, thank you for telling me the truth. Second, you are correct. You made a mistake and a big one; but I’m confident that you will never make that mistake again. Third, get out of my office and don’t ever tell me again that you lost my money.
I can recall countless times in my career where I was disappointed, upset, and, quite frankly, mad at the real-time feedback my corporate parent provided me. But in almost all those cases, they were doing what Benjamin Franklin suggested all those years ago. They were parenting. They chose to teach me versus being my friend. They chose to lead me instead of ensuring my feelings were ok. They chose to join me and include me in the learning process.
Agile is fantastically awesome. It’s one of my favorite mindsets as a leader. It’s also one of my biggest frustrations as a leader. My hypothesis continues to be that people in the workplace need to be parented. Remember, good parents are empathetic and even sympathetic. Good parents show love, care, and ongoing concern. Good parents have an overall concern for your success. Good parents tell you the truth even when the truth isn’t that fun to hear. Good parents help you grow, mature, and become something better in your future. It wasn’t that many years ago when I felt like I was being parented in the workplace. I have to say, I miss it.
David Filer
'The Divergent Agile Leader'
https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/davidfiler1
“Transforming Your Project Management Experience to Gain Value Quickly" PMP?, PMI-ACP?, CSM?, TKP?
5 年He’s Back! You said/wrote something that hit a nerve..,in a good way! In a LinkedIn post by PMI, celebrating the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, I made a comment...fast forwarding 1 Year to the Apollo 13 mission. I asked, in my comment, if Gene Kranz (“Failure is not an option”) was an Agilist or a Waterfall PM. I asked that because one of the things that stood out for me with Agile is “Fail fast and fail early.” The response I got back was wonderful, stating that perhaps Agile is being incorrectly marketed as if Failing is OK. We can see a lot of consumer products and services that are substandard. Perhaps the reason is because of Bad Agile Parenting.