Ageism in Dating – How It Affects the Way You Date

As a matchmaker, I recently had the chance to discuss ageism on a podcast. Though our conversation focused on ageism in the workplace, it sparked a deeper realization for me—this issue extends far beyond professional life. I see its effects every day in dating.

Ageism in dating is a silent but powerful force shaping how men and women approach relationships. It's the idea that you're either "too old" to be desirable or "too young" to be taken seriously. And as much as we wish this mindset would disappear, it often lurks beneath the surface of many dating interactions.

A common misconception is that men only want to date younger women. This belief has become so pervasive that many women over 40 feel sidelined, assuming they're no longer in demand. But here's the thing: that assumption is often wrong. A 2022 study found that nearly 40% of men over 45 were open to dating women their age or older. So why does this misconception persist?

The narrative that youth equals desirability, particularly for women, can severely limit one's dating prospects. This bias impacts not only how women perceive themselves but also how they engage with potential partners. I've spoken to numerous women who've admitted to feeling "invisible" after a certain age, even though many men in my database tell me they're looking for maturity, emotional intelligence, and life experience—qualities that often come with age.

While women tend to feel the weight of ageism earlier, men are not immune. I've had male clients confide that they feel societal pressure to "date younger" to appear more youthful or successful. But here's what I've learned from over a decade in this industry: genuine attraction has little to do with age and everything to do with connection. Both men and women struggle with these age-related insecurities, but they play out differently. Women often feel pressured to look younger, while men may feel they must act younger. In both cases, the focus shifts away from the authentic self, creating a barrier to forming deep, meaningful relationships.

One of the most rewarding parts of my job is helping clients break free from these ageist mindsets. Age should not define your dating experience—it should enhance it. When you let go of societal expectations about age, you open yourself up to more genuine connections.

As you head into the weekend, think about this: What stories have you been telling yourself about your age and dating? Are they helping or hurting your love life?

I hope you recognize the limiting nature of ageism and start embracing where you are in life. Whether you're in your 30s, 40s, or beyond, there is someone out there looking for exactly what you bring to the table. But that connection can only happen if you shed the belief that age somehow makes you "less than."

Guidance for Those Ready to Break Free

Here are a few things to consider:

1. Challenge your assumptions. If you believe that men only want younger women or that women are only looking for youthful energy, challenge those thoughts. They might be limiting your dating pool unnecessarily.
2. Focus on shared values. Age is just a number. What really matters in a long-term relationship are values, interests, and emotional compatibility.
3. Be your authentic self. Instead of trying to match an age-related ideal, be unapologetically you. Authenticity is magnetic, regardless of age.

Ageism doesn't have to dictate your love life. I've repeatedly seen that breaking free from these limiting beliefs is possible and transformative.

Let's make this weekend a time for reflection. Whether you're out on a date or meeting someone new, pay attention to how age plays into your thinking—and then let it go. You might just find that your best match has been waiting for you all along, no matter the number on your birth certificate.