After Being Vulnerable, What’s Next?

The word vulnerability is part of today’s business vernacular. For many, it is liberating – they feel safe being themselves and build trust as colleagues do the same.?For others, it is frightening – they feel exposed, especially if it’s a requirement or expectation. It is both intimidating and empowering.

After a recent meeting, I have been feeling the tenderness that can accompany vulnerability.?

Yesterday, I committed to being vulnerable internally. To being painfully honest with myself about where some of this tenderness might stem from and to practice what I preach by applying some of the tools I share with clients.

First, I started with the three questions from my morning routine - what was different, what worked, and where was I less effective? Oddly, I kept coming back to the vulnerable interaction as if nothing else occurred.?That’s one of the tricks our brains and memories play on us. I shifted to personal memories, the neighbors I engaged with at a community event last evening and my spouse accessing Wi-Fi so he could call me from his remote location to say he arrived safely.?That opened me to remembering the innovative work of a nonprofit board I’m on that met yesterday morning, and the deep gratitude I have for the amazing staff who are changing the trajectories of the youth they serve. ?After shifting my thinking, I noticed I was smiling as I wrapped up.

I had to break my mind’s negative, tunnel vision to engage with positive experiences.

Second, after starting to crack the hold my brain had on me yesterday, I was able to see my vulnerable interaction in a different light. While I felt I was out on a ledge, it now seems possible that what I shared did not fall on deaf ears, that I remain valued, and we strengthened our relationship. This executive remains interested but may see my recommendations as pieces to integrate later. I didn’t get what I wanted, a yes, but by taking a risk to share the strategic alignment I saw, my colleague may act later on the seed I planted.?This reminded me of something I know but couldn’t access yesterday.

I need to let go of my goals to make room for what could be more expansive.?

Third, I wrote this executive a simple note on a beautiful postcard.?It gave me an opportunity to refine what in hindsight I wish I said as we wrapped up our meeting – “There’s significant interest in this, it could have a big impact on our stakeholders and community, and I’m excited about where you might take it.”?Sending the postcard reframed our interaction for me, and perhaps for her, especially if she leaves it on her desk for a few days.

A positive and beautiful note can influence how we remember things.

I chose to walk the postcard to the post office, which is one mile away. It was early morning when I typically exercise. ?I still felt sluggish from yesterday’s heavy mood and knew from experience that regardless how I feel at the start of a walk, I feel lighter when I’m done.

As I strolled, I remembered things from the initiative that energized me - designing it to align with strategic goals, getting ‘paid to learn’ from the interviews, and listening to different team perspectives that improved the final product.?I also recalled that less of what lights me up will occur in the next phase. I realized my fretting about how this colleague viewed me was because I wanted to be seen a certain way and be invited to lead the next step. This was my ego (how I wanted to be seen) and my shadow (limiting beliefs about myself).?Ironically, I wanted to be invited to do something I really don’t want to do.

It felt good to drop the postcard in the big blue metal mailbox.?Each step was shaking off pieces of the armor of scarcity and control I wore yesterday.

If you thought the experience ended here with the walk, you’re not alone.

On the way back, I stopped in a local coffee shop.?While waiting for my breakfast burrito, a former colleague came up to me.?We shouldn’t have met.?He moved out of state a year ago. I had stopped in on the way to the post office, but there was a long line, so I came back.

The reason he’s back in Denver intersected with a project I tried to make happen last year but was also frustrated at not finding traction or the right partner.?I shared the project with him. After googling it, he asked for an e-intro and times for us to catch up properly.?The balance of the walk home felt effortless.

If I was invited to lead the next phase of the former project, I would not have had space to explore possibilities on an aligned project that lights me up.

Back in my home office I scratched kitty’s ears, she had followed me to my desk.?I heard myself make a drawn out hmmm. I love that my body makes the sound of curiosity. Then I summarized my takeaways.

• The mind’s negative messages can be shifted with consistent questions and positive thoughts.
• When the work is done, let go of goals. Trust the seeds to bloom into something more expansive.
• Build in time after pivotal meetings to do this work. It accelerates the shift and creates space for serendipity and values-aligned opportunities.

These takeaways are for the next time ego and fear dominate our thoughts, so we have the tools to turn up the volume of our vulnerable and brave voices!