Afghanistan's Aftermath: Veterans & Caregivers Need Support

Since the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol, I have done my best to avoid news headlines except when absolutely necessary. I unfollowed news sources on social media and reduced my contact with friends who were constantly sharing upsetting news stories. I know I should stay educated on current events, but like many of us, 2020 really did a number on my mental health. So, after the terrifying coverage on January 6th, I decided to take a break from the news indefinitely except in areas where I had to know for work. Research has proven time and time again how toxic contact media exposure is to our minds. It has been in my own best interest to ignore things for a while.

It makes sense then that recently when a notification popped up on my phone with the news that the Taliban had taken control of Kandahar and Helmand in Afghanistan, I barely registered the headline before I dismissed the notification as usual.?I didn't think much more of it until a friend texted asking how my husband, a disabled post-9/11 combat vet, was dealing with the situation in Afghanistan. Rather than read the horrifying news stories to get the full picture, I just asked him, "What is going on in Afghanistan...and why would it be something that could upset veterans?"

My husband does his best to protect me from the complex details and the overall atrocities of war because....well...because that's what most veterans do. Many of them experienced events that are traumatizing just to *hear about,* and they know this. I have heard people say that veterans don't want to talk about their experiences overseas, but that isn't it. They do want to talk about their time in the service. They just don't want to talk about the traumatizing parts, for both themselves and for you.?

So, my husband (pictured below) summarized the events in Afghanistan and explained that many veterans are feeling like their accomplishments there are now meaningless. All of the wonderful things that they managed to do over there, including women's rights and the construction of infrastructure, have been taken over by the enemy, leaving all their work as though it never happened. So it’s understandable one would be frustrated, at a very bare minimum. But then it occurred to me to ask an additional question. "What about the veterans who had to do things that don't exactly fit into the 'good' category? How might they be reacting to the situation in Afghanistan?"

The term 'moral injury' refers to the emotional and spiritual wounds that veterans and others may suffer when they do or see something that goes against their values and moral beliefs. These types of injuries are not physical but can be just as damaging to one's psyche. Some of our service members had to give or carry out orders that involved doing things they would not ever consider doing in any other context. In fact, the ONLY context where these things are acceptable is one of a violent war. The problem lies here. The context of war, including the norms and expectations, will never again be a reality for those who are veterans. This sounds like a good thing, but in some cases, it isn't. Because - think about it - all of the justifications that allowed them to give or carry out those unthinkable orders overseas no longer apply to the reality of the civilian world.?

My husband explained, in as much of a sanitized manner as he could, that veterans who had to do things that don't fit neatly into the 'good' category while deployed may be struggling the most right now. The lasting emotional, psychological, social, behavioral, and spiritual impacts of actions that violate a service member’s core moral values and behavioral expectations of self or others, those moral injuries, are often not recognized or noticeable until *something happens.* And for many veterans, that something was the Taliban's recent Afghan takeover.

Since my husband and I talked about this, I have received emails from dozens of organizations offering to lend support to military and veteran families as we cope with the events taking place overseas. I have managed to avoid most of the upsetting news despite the barrage of emails and posts meant to be helpful. And, because of my avoidance, I have not been emotionally impacted by the events occurring overseas even as a disabled veteran’s caregiver. At least, until this morning. And surprisingly, it wasn't anything abnormally traumatic that caught me by surprise. I was scrolling social media (as we shouldn't) when a picture popped up that caused me to do a double-take, and then equally as fast, caused my eyes to well with tears of unidentifiable grief.

The picture was one of an American soldier in the Middle East. It was taken from several feet away, so his face was not identifiable. He was in uniform, smiling, and giving a high-five to a small Afghan child. At first glance, I would have sworn this was my husband, which made me feel this instant sense of pride at his loyalty to his country and his character as a man overall. But then, just as quickly as I felt those warm feelings, I read the headline associated with the image. The article was about Thursday's Kabul attack, which has seen the death toll rise to nearly 200 souls. Yesterday, the Pentagon confirmed that 13 U.S. service members were killed and 18 were injured in the attack.

At first glance, I mistook the soldier in the picture for my husband. It did not take many more thoughts to formulate before I made the connection between those 13 service member deaths and my husband. The soldier in the picture could have very well been my husband if this was just a few years ago.?

"That could have been my husband."

As soon as I came to this realization, all of the feelings I have tried so hard to avoid came all at once. And yet, despite how overwhelmed with sadness it makes me, I know it doesn't compare to how so many of our vets are feeling right now. Veterans who served in Afghanistan are experiencing a wide range of challenging and unpleasant emotions related to the U.S withdrawal from the country and unfolding events. Even veterans who served during other conflicts are experiencing strong emotions as they are reminded of their own deployment experiences. My husband is one of them. Seeing that picture, mistaking it for my spouse, and then digesting the associated headline stirred up all the mental images I have of war, created using the bits and pieces of information I have gathered over the years. Even those piecemeal images are traumatizing. But for combat vets, they aren't just images. They are memories. As civilians, we have no clue what really happens in war even if we think we do. And most of us don't really want to know. Our service members not only serve us while deployed, but they continue to carry the weight of these memories and lived experiences that exist solely because they were willing to fight for our freedom.

It is imperative for our veterans to have support right now without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice. The Veterans Crisis Line is available 24/7 to help any veteran experiencing a mental health crisis. Even if that isn’t the final stop on the road to recovery, they are a good place to start and are the best resource for a crisis. For caregivers like myself, reach out to me at [email protected] to get linked with services through Soldiers' Angels. They offer free mental health counseling through MDLive, and also have a virtual support group that has been extremely beneficial for me personally. Regardless of where you decide to go for support, if you need help, ask. 17 a day is 17 too many.

Listen to my husband Schieloh Wolfe talk about some of his experiences in war and how that connects to the current situation in Afghanistan in an upcoming podcast episode from Schiller Productions.