Advocacy: A Slow-Cooked Recipe for Change

By Xavier Graves , Executive Director of Restorative Justice Institute of Oklahoma

Advocacy is about transformation—of systems, of communities, and, most importantly, of lives. But too often, our efforts lean toward quick fixes, seeking immediate results rather than meaningful, lasting change.?

At RJIOK, we partner with many organizations, individuals, and coalitions committed to transforming Oklahoma. We contribute to these efforts by offering training, restorative circles to address conflicts, and community engagement. However, the wisdom we most love sharing is this: the journey is just as important as the destination.

This blog is an adaptation of the foreword I wrote for our friends at the Oklahoma Policy Institute and their report, Reimagining Youth Justice in Oklahoma: A Landscape Report of the Youth Justice System and Recommendations for Reform. It reflects our broader approach to systemic transformation, using the metaphor that our communities deserve more than quick, microwave interventions. They need the care and attention of a nourishing, slow-cooked meal—rich in substance, flavor, and time—to transform the systems and environments that shape their daily lives.

A Slow-Cooked Approach to Systemic Change

Since our founding in 2022, we have had the opportunity to engage in various areas of advocacy, including youth justice reform, education reform, and supporting partners working to address maternal health disparities, children of incarcerated parents, and housing instability for youth.?

Our partners have affirmed that an approach centered on relationships, listening, and shared power can serve as a secret ingredient—not only for addressing root issues but also for sustaining our humanity and mutuality to avoid burnout and despair.

We believe in working together, much like preparing a great meal—combining diverse ingredients and methods to create something far more nourishing. Through collaboration, we help communities rethink, reimagine, and realign their support structures, ensuring that everyone can savor the fullness of opportunity and thrive in a state that truly aligns its values with its actions.

The Powerful Flavor of Relationships

One significant challenge today is the scale of our society, where our choices impact people we may never meet. Whether it’s deciding whom to vote for, whether to recycle, or how we consume and waste food, our decisions ripple across cities, states, and even the world. The COVID-19 pandemic provided a vivid example of this interconnectedness Yet, this connection often exists without a true relationship.?

Advocacy, however, is inherently relational. While choices can be made in seconds, building relationships requires time—time to move out of silos, develop trust, and align visions. For movement-building, coalition-forming, and systemic transformation, relationships are essential. Without taking the time to build relationships, our advocacy attempts can turn into the bland cycle of repeated ideas and strategies for change.?

Similarly, forming deep, authentic relationships with communities is critical to understanding their true needs and desires. This is why systemic transformation must be a slow-cook process.?

Restorative circles provide an intentional space to connect with courage, compassion, and curiosity. They help us understand our connection to one another while co-creating new possibilities that serve everyone’s needs. At RJIOK, we use these circles to listen to the communities most impacted by systemic issues and to coordinate with our partners in advocating for meaningful change.

The Essential Ingredient: Diverse Voices

The best outcomes emerge when we blend diverse voices and truths, particularly from people with lived experiences. Their perspectives are the essential flavor in our recipe for change.

However, incorporating lived experience into advocacy requires care. When those with structural and social power fail to fully value these voices, it can cause harm despite good intentions.?

At RJIOK, we use restorative circles to ensure that people with lived experience are deeply heard and to equip others with the skills to listen authentically. This practice strengthens advocacy efforts and builds mutual understanding.

The Nourishment of Values-Based Decisions

The nourishment of this advocacy recipe comes when we commit to making values-based decisions that prioritize flourishing over survival. This is not easy. It requires discomfort, relinquishing control, and engaging in hard conversations with those who hold different beliefs.

Transformation is especially difficult when we cling to false binaries—believing there is always a "right" decision or a "wrong" side. During the recent political season, for instance, this binary thinking created anxiety and fear that catastrophe was inevitable if the “wrong” choice prevailed. Such thinking often keeps us in survival mode, rushing to solutions rather than building relationships, and speaking without taking the time to listen.

Restorative circles help us move beyond these false binaries. They reveal a more grounded multiplicity, where multiple stories, truths, perspectives, and needs can coexist. Most importantly, they open the door to multiple possibilities—all of which are valid.

The Recipe for True Transformation

True transformation happens when we prioritize relationships, deeply value diverse voices, and embrace the time it takes to co-create solutions that serve everyone. Restorative circles and a slow-cooked approach to advocacy remind us that meaningful change is not instant, but the results are enduring.

Our hope is to inspire others to reflect on how advocacy can be both relational and transformational. By working together and taking the time to listen and learn, we can create systems and communities where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

To learn more about Restorative Justice Institute of Oklahoma , visit restorativejusticeok.org.