Not advise, I want to ask questions to my 22-year-old self

I will turn 27 in a few hours and for the first time in my life, I was not anxious about getting older. I had a completely normal day at work and at home. Somehow I was just embracing the normality that the day had to offer which is very unlikely on a birthday eve.  

This made me wonder what went so different this year that made my mind magically feel gratified instead of just being in its usual uncomfortable limbo. This is amusing because not much has changed from an outcome standpoint this year. In fact, last year there were more lows than highs both in my work life and personal life. I will italicize whenever I want to use a term loosely, this is to avoid topics that are not really the point of this article. 

So while I liked this trance of being content, it was also a feeling that I decided to consciously avoid when I was 22. I told myself not to be in a comfortable bubble till I achieve my goals, and avoid everything that gave me faster gratification (except biryani). So this popped a bunch of questions in my head today. Why am I feeling content even though I hadn’t achieved my goals? Why am I not despising this sense of satisfaction like I did in my early twenties? What changed these last few years? And why isn’t there a good biryani place in my town? 

After some thought, I realized that my last few years were very formative and I was feeling gratified because of what I learned, and not what I achieved. I feel more secure than how I did in my early twenties. I still might not have all the answers but I do know the questions that I should ponder upon. 

So I decided to structure what was so formative these years. Since these questions were very effective in influencing how I comprehend things, I decided to tattoo them on my body. Just kidding, I decided to write them down. At least as a non-exhaustive list.

Note: I do not intend to give any life advice. This is not a self-help article but a documentation of the questions I asked myself in my journey. Good advice is unbiased and actionable while this article is opinionated and abstract. If something seems helpful and relevant to your journey, just don’t take it too seriously. It is only a damn coincidence. I guess we all have different graphs and you should do your own integration, sorry contemplation!  

Questions

1. Is it okay to compromise life for work?

It is obvious that life isn’t just defined by your work. But somehow it took me a while to wrap my head around this. I was surprised how my inadvertent answer to “what’s up with you?” is telling about Utilize or whatever was happening in my work. I am jealous of those who do not think of work when they are not working. This does not come organically to me, I have to put conscious efforts to maintain a work-life balance. But counterintuitively, I observed that it improves my productivity. 

2. Do I prefer a journey or a race? 

Our teen selves were conditioned to race. We were encouraged (forced?) to compete and get the best grades in school, in entrance exams, and in college. Unfortunately, this loop did not end in the twenties even after I started working. All companies have appraisal processes and only a handful of people get promoted every cycle.

This felt unhealthy to me. I was at my best when I did not compete with anyone. This is also true when you are starting up, your market is not a zero-sum game. If you are truly solving a problem and creating value, most crowded markets are penetrable too.     

3. What do I want to work on? 

I have been obsessed with this question for many years. I am happy that I now know what problems I want to spend my life on. This newfound clarity made me feel more competent and confident that I can venture into any domain I like.

I would be lying if I say I am not intimidated by the compulsion to succeed at work. But at least I know that this stress won’t take over as long as I am enjoying what I do. One more thing, I now fully embrace being a generalist. I feel it is okay to be a jack of many trades and master of none (love the show!) if you know how to be of value.  

4. How much money is enough money?

I hate to say this, we all have to fight for money and grow our wealth. I presume all of us dream of a certain lifestyle, have responsibilities to fulfill, and goals to achieve because of which the answer to this question varies from person to person and from time to time.

When I had certainty on this one, other harder questions felt simpler to answer. I was comfortable burning my savings and live a modest life. This can also be a stepping stone to the million-dollar question - what makes you truly happy? And if the answer is money, that is fine too I guess. Align your goals accordingly and start looting nearby banks.  

5. Is it okay to believe in god?

I wonder if one gets more productive with a stronger faith/belief system. Many successful people are religious, a study says that about 68% percent of millionaires in the world identify themselves as religious.

I didn’t believe in god in my early twenties. I still don’t but I cannot say that I never will. I see why it is important to have a strong belief system - be it a religious faith, a philosophy, a cult, or like in my case, even a nameless set of rules and ethics. I think it provides the fuel to move life forward. It brings constancy to a function of many variables. This perspective is also why I hardly contradict the religious beliefs of my lovely parents. 

6. What apart from work do I genuinely like?

Work is not just about what you enjoy, it also requires you to be good at it and earn from it. Even if you are doing what you precisely like, you still have to make many compromises to be successful at work. In order to truly discover ourselves, we need to make more time for activities that we do purely because they are enjoyable.

It is also interesting how these activities change from time to time. The games we play/watch, the content we consume, the food we like, our political opinions, our social life, hobbies, almost everything keeps changing and is never consistent. And I guess it is okay.  

7. How important is it to stay healthy? 

Bloody important. If there is something that I want to yell into my 22-year-old ear it is to get healthy right then and there. I don’t know if it is because of the pandemic but I see how crucial it is to get fit and healthy. Do everything that is needed and just fucking live as much as you can. Well, I have a long way to go on this one so not much to share today. Biryani anyone? 

8. How do I know I am right?

There is a fair chance I am asking the wrong questions. I could also be forming opinions with a confirmation bias. So it felt important to deliberately debunk my opinions whenever I can. Besides self-contemplation, I found opening up to new (opposite) opinions very helpful. Ironically I am much more at peace when I think that I don’t know enough and I could be absolutely wrong.

This quote explains it better, “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.”