The Advice Trap

After having read 'The Coaching Habit' last year, I recently read another insightful book by Michael Bungay Stanier, 'The Advice Trap'. This book expands on a key takeaway from his previous work: the tendency to give advice. True to Stanier's style, 'The Advice Trap' is presented as a practical guide. However, due to the narrow focus of the topic, there are noticeable repetitions and fillers. Despite this, the book remains straightforward, and short, yet effective and helpful, particularly for those unfamiliar with 'The Coaching Habit'.

The book's central message is that you cannot get rid of your desire to give advice. You can only tame it. Stanier argues that rather than trying to eliminate this impulse, we should learn to control and channel it more productively. The first step towards this goal is increasing awareness: recognizing that our advice might not be as valuable as we perceive it to be.

The beliefs that lead you to give advice:

• You must have the answer! If you don’t TELL-IT, nothing will get solved and we’ll fail.
• You must be responsible for it all! If you don’t SAVE-IT and rescue everyone and everything, we’ll fail.
• You must stay in control! If you don’t CONTROL-IT and manage it all, we’ll fail.

Core to all three is the belief that you are more competent than the other person.

When you rush to advise, these are common behaviors:

Primarily Tell-it behaviors:

1.?????? I stop listening to what’s being said as soon as the solution/suggestion appears in my head.

2.?????? I give them the solution that I know is best for them.

Primarily Save-it behaviors:

3.?????? I take on the responsibility for solving the problem, even when it’s not my problem.

4.?????? I often don’t ask them what they think the answer/solution is.

Primarily Control-it behaviors:

5.?????? I take the lead from the start of a meeting or conversation, and I wrap things up at the end.

6.?????? I get anxious when I’m not sure where the conversation is going.

What is Coaching? Three Coaching Principles:

?? BE CURIOS: Stay curious a little longer.

?? BE LAZY: Rush to action and advice-giving a little more slowly.

?? BE OFTEN: Coaching should not be an occasional, hierarchical, formal event. Coaching focuses on the process, not the outcomes. The outcomes can be great, but we focus on what we can control, which is the behavior.

The definition of coaching doesn’t say “never give advice” or “only ask questions.” That would be deeply impractical. Rather, it implies that advice-giving has its place in your life and that advice-giving is usually an overdeveloped muscle. What you’re trying to do is train an underdeveloped muscle: CURIOSITY

Your job is to stop seeking the solutions and start finding the challenges.

The advice monster will always tell you: “This is how you add value, how you stay in control, how you show your quality. Always have the answer.” Instead, frame your role as helping to find the real challenge.        

Giving Good Advice, When You Need To

If you are going to give advice, do it well. Here are four strategies for giving good advice in the right way at the right time.

1.?????? Start by knowing the right moments to give advice.

2.?????? Learn to tone down the assuredness in the way you present your idea.

3.?????? Do it boldly. Label it, if that’s useful: “Let me give you my best advice.” Be fast, clear, bold. Make sure they know that you’ve given them your advice.

4.?????? Check how your advice has landed. Did it help? Did it solve the problem?

Overall, 'The Advice Trap' serves as a useful companion to 'The Coaching Habit'. However, for those who have already read the latter, I would recommend revisiting 'The Coaching Habit' instead of diving into this shorter, albeit insightful, follow-up.