Advice to My 21 year-old Self

Dear Pi!

Turning twenty-one is special. And I know you are a bit confused that while the government thinks it’s okay for you to vote, and to get married, you still can’t legally drink a beer. How does this law make any sense you ask? Ah, you will soon discover that law and sense aren’t words strung together very often. There are things in life you cannot do much about. Don’t fret. Get used to it.

But there are some things you can do a lot about. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. Things I ‘ve learned in my life that I wish I knew when I was 21. Here then are six lessons I want to share.

Here we go.

1.     Take that first step.

Reach out. You never know what might happen. Don’t wait for opportunity to come knocking. You go knock on her door. You want to be a cricket commentator, right? Go to that All India Radio office in Churchgate. The one you keep looking at longingly when you eat vada pav outside the local train station. Go tell them you want to be a commentator. What’s the worst thing that can happen? They will throw you out. And thirty years later, you will still have a story to tell. Plus, you will be grateful that you tried. But then, think about it. Maybe they have had enough of Suresh Saraiya – and won’t throw you out.

So do it today. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. If you don’t, it might remain just a dream. And you will look back and realise that most of our regrets in life are not about the things we did. But the things we did not do.

2.     Stay healthy, stay fit

I know you feel embarrassed that despite your Amol Palekar moustache, your 27-inch waist size means that they still point you to the boys’ section in the ready made garments store. And you probably think, nay believe, you can eat whatever you like, you will never put on weight. That’s a trick life will play on you. It will make you believe that these little things don’t matter. That it’s okay. That things will remain that way forever. And then one day you will start to put on weight. And forever struggle thereafter to take it off.

So watch your diet. Eat healthy. Walk. Run. Play French cricket with the kids in the building. Whatever. Do something every day to stay fit. Make that a habit. Remember, those extra kilos have something in common with mental biases and unwanted guests. Once you have them, they are hard to get rid of.

3.     Call mom. Every day.

It’s three years since you moved away from home. You’ve gotten busy. With friends. And college. And fun. But she thinks of you every single day. Misses you. And worries about you. You have your whole world. For her, you are her world. Every evening she sits in front of the TV. Her eyes trained on the screen. Her ears glued to the phone placed in the corner of the living room. She is hoping it will ring. And she will hear your voice. Most nights, she will go to bed telling herself it’s not that her son does not have time for her, it’s just that he’s busy.

And as you grow older and get busy at work and have children of your own, she will still be waiting for your call. Make it a habit to call her. You have no idea what it means to her. She spends her entire waking day waiting for that one phone call. Call her, and your kids will learn a lesson and do you a favour too. They will remember to call their mom later in life. And you will be glad you won’t have to tell your wife the lie that your mom told herself. That it’s not that they don’t have time for her. It’s just that they are busy.

4.     Remember Hanlon’s Razor.

No that’s not a new brand of shaving equipment I am asking you to buy. It’s a mental model. A thinking tool. It will change the quality of your relationships. And make you a happier person too. It says “Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.” Next time you feel hard done by, don’t attribute it to malice or evil intent. Never do that. Chances are it is just an oversight from someone. An aberration. Got only eleven bananas when you paid for twelve? No, the fruit vendor is not a cheat. He just counted wrong. Your friends went for a movie without telling you? No, it’s not that no one loves you anymore. They just forgot. Get this right, and your world will be a better place. Happier too.

5.     Treat your life like it is your business.

You plan to go to a Business School. Pity, there is no Life school you can go to. So remember this. Everything that you learn about running a business, apply that to your life too. Make a business plan for your life. Worry about your stakeholders – your wife, the kids, parents, friends, society. Think of the spouse as your customer. Never take her for granted. Do the small things that delight your customer. Go the extra mile. You will learn that machines can’t run non-stop forever, they need down time, and repair and maintenance. Your life is like that machine too. The same rules apply. Find balance. Have an exit strategy.

Make your life your primary business. Good to remember that your life is nobody else’s business anyway.

6.     Never let go of your dreams.

You never know where they will take you. You have some unique strengths, yes you do. Put them to use. Write. A lot. Speak a lot too. Your best shot at being the best version of yourself will be when you do the things you are uniquely good at, and enjoy doing. That becomes your life’s purpose. It’s what will make you happy. Not that fancy title. Nor that big car.

I know you wake up eagerly every morning, and grab the Times and go straight to the editorial pages to see if the day’s middle has your byline. And it doesn’t. And I know you are worried about the rejection slips you have collected. Here’s the deal. Use those rejection slips as fuel to keep your writing engine running. Keep getting better. Keep writing. Every day. Someday, a kind editor might just say yes, and agree to publish your book. And that dream will come true. The dream of your grandchildren climbing the attic dusting a book and proudly claiming my granddad wrote it.

That’s it from me then. As you might have figured, our lives are all about the habits we call our own. Get the habits right and the rest is easy.

Can’t say goodbye before sharing this line from Michelangelo: “The real danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it. But that it is too low, and we reach it.”

Aim high. Dream big. And yes, have fun.

Cheers

The Older Pi.