Advice to my 20 year old self...

“Life can truly be understood backwards but must be lived forwards”

As I attended a seminar recently (subsequently around the time of my 30th birthday) I was confronted with the below question:

What advice would you give to your younger self 10 years prior?

Upon reflection, this was definitely one of the most interesting projects that I have come across. I would highly recommend anyone with a spare amount of time to do this.

Without further ado, here is my advice to my 20 year old self:

1.     Knowledge is not power

“Well done is better than well said”- Benjamin Franklin

Knowledge is only as effective when applied to your life. You can learn 100 skills per day but unless it’s applied it will never count for nothing. Being the so-called nerd was never cool. Popularity trumped brains but fast forward 10 years and look what 5,259,492 minutes (that’s 10 years) does to you.

Read those books. Learn that language. Expand your knowledge in all areas. This helps you relate to people from every social and economic standing. Converse with everyone and listen. You cannot learn if you are always talking. Being smart is cool.  

2.     Time

“And the past is no longer my concern. The future is no longer my concern either. The one minute. One minute of everything at once. And everything before is nothing. Everything after nothing. Nothing is comparison to that one minute”- Thomas Shelby

This is one of the most crucial lessons to understand. Cherish the time you have. When you get older, it doesn’t get easier. You become bound by time. Responsibilities positively correlate with age (for most of us) and you will feel like the older you get; the faster time is. This is scientifically true (refer to lesson #1) Live in the present; look to the past to learn from your mistakes and prepare for the future. YOLO is a scam. More than likely you will live a long life; prepare for it. Every minute counts. Don’t do things to waste time. You can take away everything I have and I can get it back. Time however is a different story. Make significant use of it. (side note you don’t need that expensive watch to tell the time, you will always just use your phone for some strange reason) 

3.     You can handle the truth

“I always tell the truth even when I lie”

Tell the while truth and nothing but the truth. The biggest lies you tell yourself are the ones in the mirror. When you lie you show that you are fearful. And there is nothing great about that. Oh and another word of advice; don’t lie for or to friends and family. A lie is never kept to the grave. Ever. And if someone puts you in that position to lie and challenge your values; do they care for you? It’s no just FYI. Because remember; if I can lie for you, I can lie to you. (read that one again, you’re going to need it)

4.     Be selfish

“Sometimes in life, you need to be selfish to be unselfish”

You will think that you need to be everyone’s super hero and fix their problems. Not true. Learn to put yourself first. Your goals, your body, your mental health, your dreams, your whatever comes first. If people rely on you, they need the best version of yourself.  Avoid resenting others by doing you.

5.     Saying no

“When you say no to the wrong people, it opens up the space for the right people to come in.”- Joe Calloway, Magnetic: The Art of Attracting Business

Learn to use it more often. Say no. Saying yes to everything and everyone’s demands is dangerous. You cannot make everyone happy- you aren’t an ice cream truck. So if you need to go gym, say no to that dessert or drinks after work. Say no to routine partying. Say no to that bad friend who encourages depraved. Say no to anything that will not benefit you. Saying no is more important than saying yes. Tattoo the phrase ‘Saying No” if you must (for the record say no to that, just testing you out).

6.     Toss the gossip

“Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance”

Just cut it out. Gossiping is a fool’s game. And don’t forget if people gossip about others all the time then what’s to say that they aren’t gossiping about you! You might feel good to know a secret about someone but it’s never going to make you a better person. Small minds talk about others. Big minds talk to others about changing the world. Use your words carefully. In life, there are two things you cannot take back. Words and bullets. Once they fire from the chamber, its out for good.  

7.     You will change, deal with it.

“There is no change without pain. No growth without discomfort. It’s why it is impossible to become someone new without first grieving the loss of who you used to be”- Mark Manson.

This is very important. You will change (obviously you have hence why you are writing this) and everyone around you will change. That’s a part of life. People change for the better or worse. If you haven’t changed, that is not a compliment. Dealing and adapting to change is crucial in your life. And when people do change for the worse, deal with it by letting go. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Some teach you a lesson and that chapter closes. Learn your place in people’s lives so you don’t overplay your part.

Change is as sure as the sun rising. It will happen. Adapt to it.

8.     Forgiveness is freedom

“You cannot spell forgiveness without free”

Remember when forgiving others meant you were a push over? Well that’s changed. A strong human forgives others. You must learn to distinguish between weakness and wickedness. Some things that people do to you are derived from their weakness. Understand intention is the key. And when you say sorry don’t use excuses. Just apologise and full stop. None of these “I said x because of y” statements. Three words that will change your life. I am sorry.

9.     Greatness

“Good is the enemy of great”- Jim Collins

Be great in everything you do. Work hard. Hard work, works. Life is too short for mediocre effort. When you say I will do it, just do it (sponsored by Nike). Be a man/woman of your word and this is the first step to greatness. The greatness people in their respective fields of life started just like you and I. You pay the price of greatness through sacrifice and added responsibility. Aim to set the highest standards and never achieve them than to set low standards and always win. And if you are always winning is that a good thing? No. Personal growth is far more imperative than winning. You learn more from your losers than winners. Greatness is hard. Tackle it head on. Aim to be great.

10. Tell your parents you love them

“Heaven can be found at your parents’ feet”

Finally, tell the ones you love how much you love them. Don’t use the excuse that you don’t have time. Remember you make time for the ones you value and love. Even a message just to show them you care is enough. 

Relationships matter always. This is the most important lesson you need to understand. If you get the chance to die on your deathbed, what will be important to you? All those material possessions you worked hard for, all those zeros on your internet banking, all those cars? They will mean nothing. You will want to be surrounded by loved ones sharing fond memories and laughing of the time you wrote that letter to your 20-year old self. So if relationships matter in the end, they should matter the most when you are alive!