Advice I would give to my younger self

To all the young women about to enter the workplace,

Wake up, real life begins now.

Over are the days when good work was rewarded accord to merit. Learn to assert yourself, make your accomplishments visible and fight for their recognition. 

And yes, this means to self-promote yourself to stand out. Stop thinking of it as daunting or annoying; it is an invaluable tactic you need to master to move up in your career. You are neither dismissing anyone nor hurting anyone's feelings, lady!

The cousin of self-promotion is networking. So get yourself invited to football and beer evenings. This is where the good jobs are distributed while you are working over-hours in the office. If they 'forgot' to invite you, just go. Be bold and smart. 

And you are not a ‘girl’, you are a ‘woman’, for God's sake! Insist on this important distinction. Nobody calls your male colleague a ‘boy’, let alone, would he accept being called like that. Be prepared to justify yourself, though. After all, it's just common English, right?

Refuse to get the coffee in a meeting. Do not get up when they are looking for volunteers in the room. You do not always have to help and care for others.

Always sit at the table. Never stand when there are too few seats. You deserve to sit right there in the first row, regardless of whether you make your voice heard or not (although I strongly advise the former)!

Force yourself to raise your hand for questions or comments after a discussion. Get rid of the thought you might say something stupid. This is your chance to get attention. And seriously: How often have you silently laughed about his words?!

Do not follow your instincts and sit next to a woman when you enter a meeting room. Consciously sit next to a man. You need his support earlier or later.

This means you must bring some time and nerves for mansplaining sessions. Always remember who you are speaking to when assessing your response options. 

Be flexible and adjust your communication style to different circumstances: what works with a woman does not necessarily work with a man and vice versa.

Expect to be judged on all levels unrelated to your work: your look, your outfit, who you go out with. Yes, it will be unfair: Does anyone question a CEO because of his bald head? Of course not. Is Sheryl Sandberg ever going to work with a grey shirt? LOL. Has a man ever 'slept his way up'? Impossible. Learn to laugh it off. It’s a daily routine now so you better play the game right.

Put yourself out there! If a peer invites you to a restaurant or hotel, and you feel things are going the wrong way, show your limits. Do not worry about the ruined relationship. Saying ‘no’ will definitely have a negative impact on your network but you do not want to be associated with people like him, anyway. Do not blame yourself for having done anything wrong. You have not!

You cannot behave the right way – there is simply none. It's black or white: you will be the gentle girl or the bossy beast. Learn to deal with it and move on. The best you can do is to be yourself!

Expect to be angry and frustrated regularly in the beginning. Do not demonstrate your frustration to the public; it will make it worse. Speak slowly and with articulation at all times, showing you deserve to be treated with respect (this will take years). You may want to get a boxing bag to use at home.

Stop overthinking every word that was said and never ever take anything personally. It’s just business, baby!

If you insist on equal treatment, people might call you an angry anti-male feminist. Don't let them stop you. Be proud of your strengths and persistence. Your actions will enhance gender equality in the long run and the women after you will be grateful.

Support other women as you are moving up the ladder. Never believe another woman deserves to go through this just because you did. Be better!

Always remember there are exceptions to the rule.

*If you are interested in more candid advice from inspiring women, visit my sisters' and my website https://www.here-she-is.com/.