The Advice I Wish I Received When I Graduated College

I graduated from American University five years ago today. I loved my time in college. I did well academically, was active in numerous extracurriculars, studied abroad in London, worked a part-time job, and completed four internships. I was ready for the real world. Or so I thought. Shortly after graduation, a friend tweeted: “Welcome to adulthood, here’s a slap in the face to get you started.” She had no idea just how right she was.

Hindsight is 20/20 and while I cannot travel back to being 22, I can share what I learned. Here are a few things I wish I had known when I graduated and first started working.

You do not need to know what you want to do with your life today

I remember thinking that my first job would dictate my entire career. That prospect terrified me.

Of course, your first job is just that – a job. It is not a career and does not necessarily direct your future path. It is, however, your next step. Your first step. It will help you find your footing. That being said, your career path will likely be non-linear. You will have a variety of jobs across a multitude of industries. It is okay to change your mind and spend time exploring before committing to a specific path.

Give yourself time. There is no reason to set unrealistic goals with arbitrary deadlines. You do not need to know all the answers by graduation day. Clarity comes with time and experience. Your first job will likely not be your dream job. It takes time to build your dream career.

Do not take yourself so seriously

I graduated with the optimism that many new graduates have. I was ready to chase my dreams but doubts quickly crept in. This is completely normal.

I have had my share of wins professionally, but I made mistakes, big and small. I was competing against myself for as many wins as possible. I questioned my worth as a professional and a human being. I feared that every mistake or failure would haunt me. Actions have consequences but how one handles those bumps in the road is arguably more important than the mistakes themselves. With this, I learned that everything will be okay. Life, both professionally and personally, does not need to be taken so seriously. The people who love and support you will never stop, regardless of the hiccups, you find yourself in.

Worrying is exhausting – both physically and mentally – and it is not an effective way to use your limited time or energy. Instead, focus on producing good work, learning as much as possible, and making meaningful relationships.

I also learned not to take things personally. I am a work in progress and can acknowledge that I still struggle with this. You will hear the word “no” far more often than you will hear “yes”. You will likely never know the specific reason why you did not land a particular job. What I have learned is that any rejection (no matter how much it might hurt at the time) is for the best. Anytime a door closes, look at it as moving further down the path towards your intended future. It is okay to cry when we need to (I certainly have) but it is best to simply move on and take nothing personally. I realize how clichéd this sounds, but I have often found that clichés project the most truth.

Never stop learning

No matter where you are in life, you should always focus on learning. It does not have to be through formal programs; volunteering to work on a new project can provide a whole new lens for how you view the world. Once you have built these competencies, use them. Do not just tell people about your experiences but let them shine through your work and speak for themselves. Take what you have learned, apply it, and push yourself to rethink your narrative and personal brand.

It is also important to understand your strengths and weaknesses. Recognize your strengths, develop them, and improve your weaknesses.

Maintain good habits

One of the most important and overlooked aspects of your early post-college self is developing good habits. These include exercising regularly, eating well, cooking, budgeting, etc. It is a tough routine to cultivate, but it will make your life infinitely easier. Good habits are the foundation on which excellence is built.

Budgeting is critical for all socioeconomic levels and it is not something most of us touch on in school. For most new graduates, just finding a job with a decent salary is the goal. That is why understanding the importance of budgeting at a young age and living under your means is so important.

Your relationships will change

Upon graduation, your close-knit group of friends will scatter as you all move to different cities and start jobs. Consequently, it becomes much harder to remain close and maintain the relationships you had before graduation.

Some friendships withstand change with time and distance, while others evolve with personal growth, but oftentimes these changes can see the end of a friendship. Not all relationships should last forever; some are only meant for a specific period in your life.

Making friends requires effort and post-college, it takes much more time than it might have. I learned this the hard way. Growing up, I always believed that if we interacted, we were “friends”. Only toward the end of high school did I learn that a casual acquaintance is not a friend. But that is not necessarily a bad thing, nor does it make that person a bad person. You are simply not friends and should instead focus your energy on the people who help you be the best version of yourself.

After graduation, like many of my friends from high school, I moved back home with my parents. This was ideal for a variety of reasons. First, I was saving a ton of money that would have otherwise been spent on rent. Second, I saw firsthand just how miserable all of my friends were. We were in this together. We shared the morning and evening commute and rallied realizing that our current anguish was survivable because we had each other.

After I moved to Manhattan, I was quickly able to make friends. I had friends from high school, college, and sleepaway camp all a short distance from me. I had people in my life who were just as invested in building friendships as I was.

But some were not as invested, and that realization hurt me. I knew that I made efforts above and beyond that of an average friend. I reach out just to check-in. I schedule nights to catch up over drinks. Most people do not do that, and I realized that a small group of “friends” simply did not care about me as much as I cared about them.

Consequently, my circle of friends (while ever-growing) got more selective because I got stricter with my energy and time. I do not have bad relationships with those I have had to outgrow, I simply do not have the oomph or the drive to have people in my life that will not make room for me. Do not forget to value yourself.

Make meaningful connections

It is true: it is not what you know, but who you know. You never know who will introduce you to a future boss. Introduce yourself and befriend people at your company. Volunteer for projects and assignments in other departments. Get a strong understanding of what the internal workings of your company are like. In short, you need a community, and the most successful people realize that this means asking for help and building relationships. Talent is not enough.

The value of face-to-face connections is more important than ever. Have coffee dates. Go to more industry events. Be genuine, and you will realize how most people want to help. Especially if you are a college student, people want to offer guidance. If you are further out, people still respond well if you are real and kind. This is how you will get noticed, get hired, and get ahead.

Of course, you should always aim to give back just as much as you get from your network and pay it forward. Countless people have been kind enough to share their time with me. When young professionals reach out to me, I make sure to always make time for them. I understand how difficult this process can be. I have been there, and I would not be where I am, had professionals not taken the time to help me out. Do not be afraid to reach out for advice. As previously mentioned, most people are more than happy to help in whatever way they can.

People at all stages of their careers can provide insight and feedback that can reshape your view of the world and open your mind to new possibilities. Remaining open to feedback, advice, and constructive criticism is so crucial to improving as an employee and a person.

Be patient

If you are new in the working world, you likely have no idea what you like or dislike. Instead, you must learn what you like and do not like, potentially work a job that you hate, and learn from all of your experiences before you will even know what your dream job is. The early stages of your career simply come down to trial and error. There are no wrong decisions or paths, it all becomes unique to your story. Be curious and stay patient. Finding the right company is no different from finding the right partner. Bring the same sensibility and strategy to your job search as you do to finding love. Choose healthily. Do not get distracted by big brands. Culture is the most important. Culture will show how you will be treated and how much you will grow. Trust your gut. If you leave an interview a bit on the fence, it is probably not the right match for you. And a good salary will not change your experience. Wait for the right place and role.

Do not compare yourself

It is important to have mentors and recognize successful people in your field. It is important to aspire for greater heights. However, comparing yourself to others robs you of your self-confidence, strength, and pride. There will always be someone with a better title, a higher paying salary, and the like. While it is tempting to do so, you should not compare your career trajectory with theirs. Focus on yourself and your individual goals. You are your only competition.

Know your limits

While you should never stop learning, your first job out of school will force you to confront your limitations. Upon graduation, you are allowed, for the first time in your life, to focus on personal growth. Knowing who you are is a tremendous superpower. This will allow you to determine what success means to you and no one else.

Sometimes, you will make mistakes and fail. These obstacles will only define you if you let them. We all struggle at times, but it is important to learn from these hurdles. Failing builds character and growth comes from pain. Quite simply, if you are not failing, you are not taking enough risks. Find the courage to make decisions that benefit you. If you do not see a career you like, you might have to build it. Do not be afraid to think outside the box.

Knowing your limits does not just apply to your professional life. It is just as important to know who you are from a personal and social perspective. We all get lonely sometimes. That is okay. I have spent many Friday nights feeling like a loser when I do not have plans. When this happens, do not be afraid to reach out to someone else – they may be feeling the same way.

Be gracious

Learn how to carry yourself. Open doors for people – both figuratively and literally. The adage is true: a little kindness goes a long way. Say hello to the maintenance staff. Respect and value the administrative staff – they are quite literally the gatekeepers to senior leadership.

Do not self reject

It is so easy to doubt yourself. I do it all the time. The trick is to doubt yourself a little less each day. Don't think your article is good enough? Publish it. Don't think they will reply to your email? Send it anyway. Don't think you deserve the job? Apply for it. Do not let anyone ever tell you no. Trying is the only way to succeed. If you fail, ok. Failure makes you fearless and fearlessness makes you great. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward – want more, risk more. Be bold in your career and have no regrets. The road less traveled is best – take the path that others have not. Find a niche and be remarkable.

Just breathe

Breathe in, breathe out. It is all going to be ok. You are so young. I know it is cliché and you hate to hear that, but you are. You have a clean slate on which to create a life for yourself. You can start from scratch. You can go anywhere. I do not think many new graduates can grasp the reality of that—I know I did not.

There are no short-cuts to success. Work hard to create circumstances to be successful (work at the right company, move to the right city, work on the right projects, work with the right people), master something, and remain open to new opportunities to grow. Think of it as investing in yourself. It takes time, commitment, and focus.