Advice from the Other Side of Age

Lukas Stangl created an excellent list of "9 Choices to Avoid Regret in Life" (https://www.dhirubhai.net/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7269695721585455105/) It is so good and relevant to choices I have made that I thought I would give you the perspective from the other side. At my age (66), I can tell you how these choices look in retrospect and the reasons why you may wish to consider them.

Rule #1 - Eliminate Alcohol. In my 20s, I spent too much time allowing alcohol to influence my life whether directly through my own choices or because of those I associated with. When I look back now – I regret the time and focus that I lost in those years – wasted time in partying and recovering. I'm not denying some of it was fun! But some of it was just wasted time. It was probably about 50% waste or more. I also know that my relationships were not as healthy for me because of its presence. So that time may have cost me dearly on my path. It wasn’t until my 40s that I finally eradicated alcohol and I love a good beer! (Try Athletic Beer – the newest rage of non-alcoholic beer. It has mastered the taste of an IPA!)

Rule #2 - Go to Bed Early. I don’t entirely agree with the “going to bed early” routine, though its been applauded for decades. My routine varies as do many others. But I do agree with creating your perfect sleeping arrangement and prioritizing sleep. This also means you have permission to choose to sleep alone if your partner disrupts your slumber. I slept with a snorer for 17 years – it was stupid to make myself miserable while we were together.

Rule #3 - Calling Your Parents. My parents are gone now, so staying in touch isn’t relevant to me. But I see children of my generation (from personal experiences and stories from friends) making choices that are sometimes unkind to their parents. I understand if it is a difficult relationship and you must consider your mental health. But otherwise, try not to be so selfish. It is a small amount of time to return to someone who has invested so much time in you – even if all they did was feed, cloth and house you.

Rule #4 - Keep Your Body Fit. In my late 20s, I discovered activity and exercise. I am a bookworm introvert, so I had never been athletic. But by discovering this health habit, I have developed a love of exercise. Though I sometimes fall off the wagon, I always return to working out because I feel so much better overall, all the time. The result is that – today – my body is pretty fit. I am a little overweight, but I am still able to workout. I still climb several flights of stairs a day and I can work and play and do most of the activities I enjoy very well. And the more I work out at my age, the better I feel. It’s a lifelong habit that keeps on giving. Find a method that works for you and it will make you happier.

Rule #5 - Maintain a Healthy Mind. In my 40s, I started my own business. And the stress led me to daily meditation - something I had never considered before. But letting go of a steady paycheck by choice is daunting and terrifying. I had to find a way to maintain my sanity. So, I have been doing daily meditation for about 20 years now. It has changed my life in so many ways, but essentially by making me more aware of the role I play in my own life - whether I'm living in positive energy or negative energy and what I can do to change it. It helps me work through personal and business problems and it re-enforces the positive affirmations I have chosen to guide me. I have written my positive affirmations on index cards to guide me and I change them as needed based on the challenges I am facing. It re-enforces the positive energy in my mind so I don’t spiral into “negative speak” in my head. In the last year, my 40-year-old daughter began to meditate as well and has affirmed it is making her happier, more balanced, less anxious. This habit improves your mental health like a mental anti-inflammation drug.

My Rule - Strive to Eat Healthily. Change your lifestyle to eat more plant based-less meat, about 80-90% of the time. In my 40s, I discovered eating more healthily because of a health scare. It led me to eliminate red meat and fried foods and shift to a vegetarian/Mediterranean diet. I have been eating this way for 20 years now – and I am not good every day. But cumulatively, I am more good than bad – probably about 70-80% of the time. The results of a recent heart test found I had almost no buildup in my veins and my heart is very strong. The nurse said the doctor didn’t even find the 20% blockage they expect in someone over 60.

These six rules have a huge payback. You will notice improvement in your life immediately, but you will be able to maintain that improvement instead of experiencing the deterioration that starts. Recently a Stanford Medicine study (https://bit.ly/4geX7pC) found evidence that aging happens in two bursts - around age 44 and 60. I can tell you from experience that I had several health issues in my 40s - to my surprise. But since then, almost nothing. My recent heart scare turned out to be a false positive stress test which happens in about 30% of women. And I am taking only one drug for a long term issue I've had for 40 years. So I'm telling you - these changes work. And you don't have to be perfect about it, just try to be consistent - it's cumulative.

Lukas Stangl’s other advice on being kind and giving back, building a network of mentors, developing quality relationships, and doubling down when it gets hard are all good. In my experience though, sometimes you need to lead rather than look for others to lead you. For example, be a role model of kindness by respecting others. You don't have to be something your aren't or give money you don't have - just be self-aware. You aren't perfect either.

in my experience, mentors are often mentioned but not always as prevalent as you might think based on the media. It's great if you have opportunities to work with people who will give you that support, but it's not absolutely critical in order to succeed. You can learn a lot on your own, but it will be slower and your mistakes more costly. So if you are looking for a mentor, reach out to them - don't expect them to offer. And if you have the opportunity and expertise, offer to others.

Seeking quality relationships is a reflection of your opinion of yourself. Let me say that again - the quality of your relationships is a reflection of your opinion of yourself. If you don't value yourself, you won't ensure your relationships meet a higher standard. Sit down and take inventory, then make adjustments to increase the quality.

Lukas Stangl's last rule is #9 - Double Down When it Gets Hard. The truth here is there is always grunt work to do to achieve a dream. There is no way to avoid it and it will probably take some time to get past it. A dream requires a foundation and building that foundation is tedious, labor intensive, and sometimes exhausting and terrifying. That is why a dream is something you need to love - because to achieve it, you have to shovel a lot of sh*t to build your foundation. Don't lose hope, don't lose heart. Keep going!

Thanks, Lukas, for the reminder of how to achieve quality in life today with long term paybacks!