Advice for everyday leaders right now - you don’t need to give advice
Sunday morning, while I was sitting in my kitchen working on a puzzle with my family, I got an unexpected facetime call from Sanyin Siang. Sanyin is an incredible professor, thought leader, coach, friend, and mom whom I’ve had the privilege to get to know through the Duke University Fuqua/Coach K Leadership and Ethics Center. I hesitated for a split second...I was in my pajamas! But conversations with Sanyin are always special so I answered quickly. She appeared (also in her pajamas) in her kitchen while preparing eggs for her family’s breakfast. Why the call? She wanted to continue a conversation we began earlier in the week on what leadership meant in our current environment. More specifically, she was interested in hearing my perspectives on leadership - while she was scrambling eggs on Sunday morning!
Sanyin has several unique perspectives from her various roles; as a coach, she is helping CEOs lead during this time of uncertainty; as a Duke Professor, she is helping the institution navigate their transition to remote work; and as a mom, she is herself adjusting to her new blended life of working from home with young children. She explained that some of the CEOs she works with have employees who have tested positive for COVID-19, and some have employees who have already experienced loss. She shared her insight that many leaders are now ‘Comforter-In-Chiefs,’ and asked what advice I’d share for them.
I hesitated for a moment but realized there was no ‘one thing’ leaders should say in these moments. I said, “There isn’t any one thing you can say that can fix their situation or calm them, the only thing you can do is listen deeply.” We continued the discussion, both admitting how difficult it can be to resist the temptation to fix and solve problems.
We continued our conversation, with a brief hello from Sanyin’s son, and she told me about a video conversation last week she hosted with a small group of undergraduate students at Duke. The students were feeling an extreme ‘loss of control’ over their lives.
I feel that too. Everyone has lost so much control over their lives, whether they are facing illness, they have lost their job, their business has been shut, they have been sent home from school, or they are working from home. We started chatting about rituals and how many of our rituals of society and as individuals have been erased. Our discussion of ritual immediately brought to mind a conversation I had earlier that week with Casper Ter Kuile, whose upcoming book The Power of Ritual touches on this concept. Casper and I had a delightful thought-provoking discussion on how rituals from religious contexts can be applied to secular life to increase connection, presence, and happiness - and how all the more important rituals are right now.
I’ve started to take on and create new rituals in my life. At work, we’ve started doing a daily morning standup with the Medley team. We rotate who leads the call - team members have shared short 4-minute podcasts, we’ve played icebreaker games, meditated as a group, and more. It’s a small way for our team to stay connected over something unrelated to our daily tasks. At home, I’m working on establishing an end-of-day ritual for myself and my family, and thinking through the right way to transition out of our working lives and relax (not my strong suit!). If you have any ideas on this front, please share.
My conversation with Sanyin began focusing on advice for leaders, but we ended up covering much broader territory. After our call, I resumed working on the puzzle with my son and reflected. It’s become even clearer during recent events that everyone can be a leader in their communities. As we enter an increasingly challenging period, my one piece of advice is that you don’t need to give advice right now.
I have two questions for you:
- Who are you leading and impacting in your day to day right now? Have you found listening to be powerful?
- What rituals have you found comforting in your life right now?
Please share your responses in the comments, I look forward to learning from you. Have a great week.
Chief Executive Officer at Fast Sweepers | Founder and Manager
2 年I admit it sometimes, most of my colleagues and friends would go and have a chat with me, just to ask for an advice and I can't help but babble a lot about it while thinking that was the best solution to their problem - but it isn't. At times, people just need someone who are willing to listen to them about their problems to release. You're right, Edith. I shouldn't give an advice, that thing's exhausting too at times.
Coach and trainer supporting the development of individuals and organizations in the non-profit sector|Facilitator|Thought partner|Certified Positive Discipline educator for parents of teens & tweens
4 年I appreciate the focus of this article. Listening more and creating rituals. I can see ways to incorporate more of both into my life and into my teaching and training of nonprofit professionals. Thank you!
Managing Director, Head of Financial Crime Compliance Audit, Goldman Sachs
4 年Listening is key, but it's not all. It's essential for leaders to understand the people around them, their fears, hopes, issues, goals, etc. Current circumstances bring uncertainty, it's a leader's job to try to provide a safe environment for their teams, for their family or for whoever is looking at them as leaders. A leader can't fix anyone's personal situation, but can provide the person with a safe environment to express themselves, should they want to talk, to be challenged or should they need a break. Clearly, not everyone is the same, so if the leader has been listening (since before the world went upside down), they would know what the person needs. I think some might need to be pushed, just enough to make them feel busy and focus on what they can control to bring a little bit of normality back in their lives, others might need to hear loud and clear "it's ok, slow down". Especially high achievers are always ready to give 110%, but in currentcircumstances, for a reason or another, they simply can't do it and might be struggling to accept it. So a leader might help those people to achieve their goals in a different way. Again, helping them to keep control, but also reassuring them that's ok to take a break. Stay safe.
?? PAN-AFRICAN. ??Be A Blessing To Your Generation.
4 年How to manage your money whether you’ve had your salary cut ? Plan any savings you have very carefully so that they last as long as possible. ? Seek advice from a qualified financial planning professional, who can look at your financial goals and advise on the best way to move forward. ? Prioritize needs in order of importance: food, health and shelter come first. ? All discretionary spending has to stop immediately.? ? Focus on what is essential and downsize. Now is a good time to negotiate everything.? ? Plan financially for losing your job, so you are prepared if the worst happens.
CEO @ Society of Dyers and Colourists | Strategic Leadership
4 年Very true: “how rituals from religious contexts can be applied to secular life to increase connection, presence, and happiness”. [And I learnt Americans spell Pyjamas differently!]