Adversity as Teacher

When faced with adversity do you:

A)   Curl up in the fetal position and suck your thumb

B)   Go on a drinking binge

C)   Strike out at anyone and everyone in striking distance

D)   Face it, deal with it, learn from it, and move on

Any answer other than “D” obviously puts one at a disadvantage in life.

The next TMP Business Principle deals with how to apply the answer “D.”

TMP Business Principle #12:

12. Harness the power of adversity’s teachable moments for winning instead of falling prey to the victim’s mindset for losing.

As acknowledged and addressed in previous principles, hard times, aka obstacles, are always going to be encountered. The application of these principles combined with one’s resilience will enable one to “Face it, deal with it, learn from it, and move on.”

By now it has been hammered home the importance of having a purpose or a big enough why. That inspiration will drive decisions which will allow one to overcome adversity. Battle-tested processes in accordance with one’s purpose facilitate that drive. Facing adversity requires one to apply what one has honed during their previous victories in life. The principles grant one the power to apply what’s needed to win. In this principle, harnessing adversity provides the one facing adversity the ability to utilize all the previous skills developed and then utilize the adverse moment going forward as inspiration driving them towards their purpose.

A scenario Rod encountered in “The Mirror’s Puppet,” summarizes this principle:

During one of the pivotal confrontations in his ordeal, Rod was told to "Quit playing the victim!" Spoken to him in a playground-mocking way after being disdainfully told to “Shut up” repeatedly by a Prosecuting Attorney who was being informed of a serious situation regarding his daughter. What he was informing the PA about were the facts regarding the mother's concealing the whereabouts of his child and threats of "You'll never see your daughter again!"

After spending a week dealing with law enforcement in the county his custody case was filed without any headway being made, Rod grew frustrated and that's when the PA had them refer Rod to him.

Rod thought "Finally, I'm going to get something accomplished." Only to be met with resistance to help, backed by defiance to apply basic parental kidnapping charges. When Rod challenged the PA's defiance by reading the exact State Code regarding the matter, looking for an explanation how that didn't apply in his case, that’s when he was told to "Shut up!" Repeatedly.

Upon being told this, he questioned why a father who was in this position talking to the person who could do something about the illegal act being played out in his county, was being treated this way. That's when the utterance was made to "Quit playing the victim." A phrase which rang in his ears from the moment he heard it, then throughout the course of his case.

While nothing was done by the PA in the county where his case resided, Rod sought aid from a neighboring county's law enforcement to locate his daughter. Even though she was found, and the mother had concealed her whereabouts, no charges were brought against the mother.

Rod was forced to continue fighting in court for the next 6 years from that point. In those 6 years, the mother pulled this same stunt three more times without consequence. The case had gone on so long that now Rod was bringing the custody case before a new judge who just so happened to be an old nemesis: Mr. “Quit Playing the Victim,” himself, had just been appointed judge in this county and would be presiding over the custody case.

All the while Rod was trying to ensure his daughter didn't become a victim, the PA was chastising him for even bringing the "allegations” forward. It was beyond curious to Rod why, not once were the allegations checked for their validity or not. 

For someone who wanted Rod to quit playing the victim, the former PA, now judge, went out of his way to victimize him. First, in 2011, when ruling on the custody case: denied discovery and penalized Rod with weekend visitation. Rod saw it as being “penalized” since he was granted less time with his daughter than the standing order provided, plus the fact he lived 1,000 miles away. He was forced to file a motion for reconsideration. Only to get denied discovery again, but, this time, the judge was kind enough to grant him summer visitation.

Rod had to use his own methods of discovery. In his own words:

“Forced to find out things on my own, I needed to confirm my suspicions about the mother’s new beau. Not to be invasive. I just know this woman and know the people she hangs around do not provide me comfort being around my child. Having battled since before my daughter was born to keep her from harm’s way, I wasn’t about to stop now. The mother and the judge didn’t make it easy on me, but tenacity finally produced results.

My discovery revealed the boyfriend having an Endangering the Welfare of a Child CONVICTION! Not just charge-CONVICTION! Immediately I brought the information to my attorney. He took it to the judge. Then came back to me with, “Not enough information!” I took it to a local attorney in my state. He, too, said “Not enough information!”

I was forced to find more. AND DID! More than I wanted to find, but, what I did find was HUGE! The “Endangering the Welfare” was a sex offense regarding two minors. The boyfriend was incarcerated and was currently still on probation for the next 5 years. Worst part: MY DAUGHTER WAS LIVING IN THAT HOUSE! 

Instead of being granted a “Change of Jurisdiction” to my state due to “Imminent Danger,” the judge (Mr. “Quit Playing the Victim”) denied the change and my state’s judge went along with the decision. Mr. Quit Playing the Victim lied to my state’s judge by saying “We heard about the boyfriend already.” When I tried to interject “I was denied discovery” my attorney hushed me. Less than two weeks later I was incarcerated under bogus charges for….wait for it…CONCEALING THE WHEREABOUTS of MY CHILD! This happened while I still had an enforceable Temporary Custody Order in my state. It didn’t matter. They locked me up, turned my daughter over to her mother, and allowed her to return with her mother back to THAT HOUSEHOLD WITH THE SEX OFFENDER!”

?What did Rod do? Applied answer “D.” He kept moving forward.

Even after being incarcerated the next year while trying to protect his daughter again. This time, the mother was investigated by the Division of Family Services and found to have drugs in the home. Not the simple recreational kind you can get a doctor’s prescription for, either. The worst imaginable. Found in his daughter’s stuffed animals and hair detangler bottles. They released his daughter to him rather than put her in State’s Protective Custody like her two older, teenage siblings. The only caveat: he had to bring his case to court in the county of his current Custody Order.

But, he was denied an Emergency Hearing in front of Mr. “Quit Playing the Victim” which culminated in another “Concealing the Whereabouts of a Child” charge against him, followed by another false imprisonment. This time, the mother didn’t even have a permanent residence, which was one of the reasons Rod was requesting an Emergency Hearing (along with the fact she had just been found in this highly compromising position). But, his family was ordered to return the daughter to the mother’s state in exchange for his release. Rod’s daughter was supposed to go into State’s Protective Custody with her two older, teenage siblings until “things were sorted out.”

Instead, at 7 years old, his daughter was returned to the mother. The one found with the drugs. The one with no residence. The one whose older children weren’t cleared by the State to be released back to her for the two previous reasons.

What did Rod do? Applied answer “D.” And kept moving forward.

By continuing to move forward he was able to see an obstacle of 2,500 miles being merely a well-deserved road trip. That's what was required of him the following year upon having to locate his child one last time without the help of local law enforcement or Mr. Quit Playing the Victim.

Through his own personal means, he was able to track the mother down after she took off with his child. Again! This time, though, he knew he needed to do something different. He knew from his experiences he could not rely on her, or the judge, to do what was in his child’s best interests. That got him to think outside the box, but just enough inside the legal box to work things out between mother, judge, and himself. Having the mother sign over rights to him seemed the obvious solution. This was to free his daughter once and for all!

From what he learned through all the previous adversity, this was the best route to take for protecting his daughter while overcoming any possible manipulations by the judge. It worked! One stipulation: he had to drive across the country to get his daughter. No problem! Cross country or the other side of the world, it didn’t matter to Rod. No distance was too far to get his daughter to safety.

Had he not answered “D” each time he faced adversity, he’d probably still be fighting for his daughter. But he took what he learned from each previous adversity and applied it going forward. His purpose to free his daughter inspired him to keep moving forward. Eventually, his constant focus on that purpose provided the solution he needed to achieve the long-awaited goal. Actually, the combination of solutions provided over the years in his pursuit of her freedom allowed the outcome to favor them both.

Never embracing the role of “playing the victim,” as accused by the judge, in his constant fight against becoming a victim, Rod remained steadfast in his focus on freeing his daughter. Every adversity along the way was endured, processed, and used to get him closer to obtaining his goal. Each time he “faced it, dealt with it, learned from it, and moved on.” That process led to his ultimate success. Which was and still is for a greater purpose.

Based on a true story, The Mirror’s Puppet is applicable in both the personal and business realms. Meant to inspire, expose, and hold accountable on a personal level, the book also inspires, teaches, and delivers results on the business level.