Week 3 Adversity Sucks...Overcome It (Part 1)

Bottom Line Up Front: I was unsure about writing this specifically, but I do think if it could help one person...then it's worth it. Let's get after it!

Adversity Sucks!

It was 2011, I had been home just a little while after returning from Marjah, Afghanistan. I had great leadership and was able to leave country on ADVON to get home in time for my daughter to be born. Something I wasn't used too, I am still great friends with the First Sergeant who made that happen.

It was the morning of the Marine Corps Ball, normally an exciting day of friendship, remembering and celebration. I was on the Sword Detail, therefore I had to get up and moving so I could make an early practice. That's when our entire world fell apart without notice, in mere moments.

The in-laws in town, they had noticed something wrong with Carter from the second they walked through the door. He was 2 years old, not walking straight and was just not doing his normal routine. That morning, he was at the bottom of the stairs, lethargic. No movement or whining, no crying or talking, just laying there. Kelli and her Step Father took him to the ER to see what could be happening. As a Marine with four deployments at this time, I was used to things not going as planned, I let her control the situation while I prepared for practice, waiting for a phone call before I left. Well....it came. (My Article With The War Horse)

On the other end of the phone was my wife, crying that the doctor had found a brain tumor in Carter's head, the size of a peach inside of a 2 years old's brain. It had been there for some time. (Another story, dealing with medical and a constantly moving and deploying life. I know we can helps military members navigate this nightmare) A new fight had made itself known and I had no training or preparation to take it on. Adversity hit my entire family in the face like a sledgehammer.

In order to keep this from becoming a chapter book, I will point out a few important factors in Carter's journey. The following list happened in a 37 day span:

• Carter was airlifted from Camp Lejeune Naval Hospital to UNC Chapel Hill
• Nobody could fly with him, he was already in brain surgery before we arrived by multiple vehicles.
• After a 9 hour surgery, they were not able to get the entire tumor and needed to put in a VP Shunt
• Days later, an adult VP Shunt was placed in his head...second brain surgery
• From the hospital, instead of being released he somehow acquired a brain infection
• We spent 35 days in the PICU and a few days upstairs before being released. We had to take turns staying the night and the other spent the night at the Ronald McDonald House Charity
• We were finally released right before Christmas. Carter was forced to learn how to walk, speak, and be a kid again. The first surgery was delicate, but without making assumptions, he needed to relearn a few things.
• A few months later, in March, Carter needed a third surgery to remove the rest of the tumor. We were afraid of regrowth and this decision was hard, however we made the choice and went back. This was a major success with a quick recovery and all of the tumor finally removed.

Overcoming Challenges

We were beginning to celebrate and thank the Lord for answered blessings. However, I learned a good deal from myself during this experience and have used them daily ever since. During Carter's first surgery (the long one) the entire family was in shambles. Crying, upset, unknowing if Carter would survive. I, however, fell asleep. I quickly realized that trauma is quite different for me after years of fighting and unknowing outcomes are less stressful for me. Of course over the years I have taken quite a bit of heat from this, especially to outside sources who I tell this story to. I was not sure if I should put this in this article, but I think it's important. Thinking back on this, I know I never should have done this and instead attempted to keep my wife calm and just be there for her. I was young, had literally just left one of the most dangerous places in Afghanistan months before and still hadn't fully adjusted. This experience immediately put be back in fight or flight mode. I know my mistake and don't need the opinions of others on why it was wrong, but it helped me do better down the road.

What I took from that is something I often relate to the business owners I help. When adversity strikes your company, don't retreat to your shell of protection and just wait for the outcome. There are steps one can take to make others feel as though the world isn't crashing down and make the entire process easier to handle. In some case, like decreasing revenue, rallying the troops and letting them in on the adversity may help defeat the issue. Instead of adversity, the team overcomes obstacles.

Another important aspect I learned was communication and teamwork among people you are close with. We take Carter every 18 months to get scans and see if the tumor has grown back. So far..he has been good to go!!!!! Before retirement, he at one point had 24 hours of therapy a week. That is a ton of appointments, too many for any one person to tackle. Not to mention we have a daughter as well that shouldn't be ignored because one child has more needs. Communication between my wife and I was difficult at first, trying to figure out the logistics of taking care of children, one at school, full time jobs, etc. It's easy to become frustrated and attack one another. This is where one some of my FTC concepts from my last article come into play.

Communicate with your team members and ensure there are people who have the courage to take on the difficult challenges. Trust one another to fulfill their responsibility when they claim and accept them. If your assuming someone else will take care of the problem, the only result is the problem getting worse. Instead, communicate as often as it takes to build the foundation of work. Once the foundation has been laid, people have acknowledged what they are doing, trust that they will do it. As soon as a team member destroys that trust, make changes. Mentor that team member and if they still refuse to accomplish the task they accepted because they are too hard, make more changes.

I have learned a ton of lessons from my son Carter, he will be showcased in more articles down the road. Diagnosed with Autism, challenges when I deployed, going to doctor's after what he experienced as a young child, even the military life have all been difficult for him. Lessons I have learned from him in the last 13 years makes up half of my company. I would be in a completely different position in my life without him teaching me daily. Hopefully that can move forward and he can teach others a few lessons along the way. As stated before, if you like what you have read and want to get pulled in on some other lessons learned from warriorship overseas and on the home front, subscribe to my Newsletter "52 Weeks of Warriorship"

Next week will be Part 2 of this article, going more in detail on how we overcame these challenges within the last ten years, plans we used to move forward and more lessons I learned during those first 37 days!

If you are in the military and need help navigating a similar situation and need someone to talk to, hit me up ([email protected]) I will gladly make room in my day to talk through these struggles and see if we can help find a solution.

If you are a small business owner and want my team and I to take a look at your processes and help talk through a solution to your adversity, reach out to me as well. Send me a DM on LinkedIn or hit up my email above.