Adventures in Silence!!

This was written by me three years back after my first tryst with Vipassana in May 2014. I dug it out from my archives and realized it's not a bad effort at all - and that i must share it with my extended Linkedin family. Here's how it went! Do read it and tell me what you think of it.

My Dear Facebook Family and Friends

... Am back... Thanks for all the queries that dropped in. Took the FB holiday to complete successfully a ten day Vipassana course, and as I key in this status, I find myself completely bruised & battered, scarred & scratched, yet invigorated and inundated (all of it-Yes!) - In short, alive!!!!

Since I am neither worthy nor qualified to dole out serious gyaan on this subject (actually, any subject !), seekers are directed to Dhamma.org or better still, do the course.

Meanwhile, 10 things about the Vipassana course Google won't tell you:-

1. The ten day course is a misnomer to trap hapless, unsuspecting creatures like Yours Truly. They let you in on Day Zero and let you out on Day 12- Overzealous Octopuses, as an old Navy friend, Capt Haddock will probably say...

2. Yes, there is a place called the Middle of Nowhere with valid DGPS coordinates- I just returned from there... A small, scorching tier 3 town in coastal Andhra Pradesh called Bhimavaram. More specifically, Dhamma ārāma (Dhammārāma), Kumudavalli Village, Andhra Pradesh, India - Almost making it out to be an "Aaram ka Maamla". Mostly it's in places like this where these courses are conducted. 

3. WiFi, Internet, Email, FB, Whatsapp, Mobiles, Landlines, even good old pen and paper are neither necessary nor sufficient conditions for sustenance of the human race. Also, the human body does not disintegrate into constituent matter upon continued exposure to 42 degrees C, 78% RH in the face of 8 hr power cuts.

4. This is no walk in the park. This is - brace yourself- a spiritual variant of the Navy Seals Boot camp- 10 hrs of meditation a day sitting cross legged for 10 days with fans switched off for the better part! Give me my military academy style rifle drills any day.

5. The 12 day vow of silence is by far the simplest thing on the agenda, and no, I am not kidding.

6. This is the fastest tummy tuck you'll ever get in 10 days flat (Pun intended), east of the Suez, without hitting the gym. The food's awesome if you can break fast at 0630, lunch at 1100 and call 2 fruit pieces and chai, at 1700, dinner. Zero snacking, goes unsaid.

7. Guru Goenkaji says Pain is temporary. I agree, Thank you, Volini , You seriously rock.

8. The technique of Vipassana is revealed to you on day 4 as you wait with bated breath (again, pun intended). Seekers go orgasmic while mortals like me go Bas kya. Shri Goenka is a fantastic orator, but his singing is like Himesh trying to imitate Nusrat Saab with a hankie stuffed in his mouth, with intonations variously sounding like belching, a puttering scooty in the rain and a child blowing a straw into an almost empty Pepsi bottle.

9. Will somebody tell the gyaan givers that we don't have infinitesimally abysmal IQ? Due, I got it the first time you said it, and this your 827th repetition!! These guys seriously need to add some zing, verve and tadka to the monotony, drabness and morbidity of the proceedings. Be advised though, that the technique alone is worth its weight in gold for all the trouble.

10. All in all, a life changing experience. So what if it was bone crushing, mind numbing and ass rupturing (the last transliteration is for the benefit of my non Hindi speaking brethren). It was as if I was put into a front loading washing machine and hung out to dry on a clothesline, physically and mentally cleansed and drained out. 

Now for the million dollar question - Why? I have no idea. Would I do it again? I don't know. Should You try it? I think you should!! For the experience of it.

PS - This was before Kejriwal or Priyanka Gandhi made Vipassana famous. So give me some credit ;-). What it did was - it allowed me enough "Me Time" - more than I could have ever asked for - to help me firm up some key life decisions, which dictated the course of my life to the shape it finally took.