The Adventures of Gabriel Cohen, Chapter Four: Rich is Good, Poor is Bad

Chapter Four: Rich is Good, Poor is Bad

After just two days, Gabe Cohen knows everything about Aunt Baila, who had suddenly become his foster mother. This industrious lady bakes bread from early morning until late at night, to earn money for her children’s yeshiva, taking time out only to pray. Aunt Baila warns everyone willing to listen, to never speak with strangers and never swap snacks with strange kids.

With Aunt Baila as a mother, how did Cousin Zachary get to be the way he is??It is a hidden wonder. While Aunt Baila worries about everything, Cousin Zachary stays cool. Yes, even on the 17th of Tammuz, which happens to be today. Seriously, if a crowd of Jews dances with the Golden Calf, and Gabe smashes the Ten Commandments right in his face, Zachary finds something fabulous about it.

Even if he walks all the way to the Temple in Jerusalem to clean up his sins or something, and the Kohanim have no animals left, which means he is there for nothing, Zachary still sings and dances all the way home. What would his cousin say if the Romans break the walls, burn the Torah, and set up their idols? Nobody knows. But if anyone can give a positive spin, it’s Zachary.

Hours later, the fast ends. They all eat bread and a salad, wash the dishes, and go to bed. Zachary listens while Gabe tells him all the bad deeds he did to ruin his life and his parents’ livelihood forever, plus get his father in handcuffs.

Zachary interrupts. “That’s your fault?”

“I think so.”

That’s when Aunt Baila decides to send Gabe and Arlo with her own son, Zachary, to the most expensive camp in Sullivan County. She must borrow three thousand dollars from the loan society, since her husband is a Torah teacher and makes almost nothing.

“Don’t worry Mama,” says Zachary. “We will get jobs at camp, and it won’t cost you anything.”

Zachary gives Gabe a bone-cracking bear hug. “Your mom and dad are inventors, okay, but that’s not for you. Your real job is to separate good from bad.??The goyim are bad, and the Jews are good.?The body is bad, and the soul is good.?Umm…”

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Zachary’s one flaw is his love for deep thoughts, and so he begins to tie himself in knots.?“Rich is good, and poor is bad.?Or is it the other way around??If you’re poor no one listens to you, but that can make you ashamed, and that is good. You have nothing to brag about, and that’s good. You are humble, and that is good, right?”??

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Zachary ponders some more. “How about the rich guy??He eats a lot, buys expensive things, and people honor him.??People come to him with a billion needs and ask him for help. If he’s nice he helps them, but if he doesn’t, he’s in trouble.

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“So, I shouldn’t get rich?”

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“Gabe, go to sleep and don’t worry,” says Zachary. “Tomorrow you’ll have a job.”

And then I can build a new laboratory and get Dad out of jail?

It must be that G-d hears Gabe’s thoughts, because everything happens so fast.

At five in the morning, Zachary shakes Gabe awake, helps him pack towels, sheets, blanket, and clothes, and sits him down for a bowl of cereal. Zachary makes a phone call and rushes Gabe onto a bus. “Okay,” he says through the bus window. “We’ll be in touch.”

Gabe’s heart starts pumping like crazy. “Wait! You’re not coming?”

“Tomorrow. You’ll be okay.?Don’t you want a job?” Zachary gives him an envelope. “Dudu needs a nature counselor now, and you are it.”

“Wait, I…” Gabe races for the emergency exit. It bangs shut and the camp bus hurtles onto the highway.?

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