The Adult's Guide to Making Friends (Without the Awkwardness)

Hello my friend,

Recently I threw a small party for some friends who didn't actually know each other...some old, some new, some borrowed (and yes, some blue)...and more than one person remarked that it was a wonderful, authentic interaction (yes, the Word of the Year, 2023), filled with positivity and laughter.

It made me reflect on my journey...I have reinvented myself so much over the years...or rather, that I have come home to myself. I have, over the last 3-4 years reached out to so many people, often frustratingly...but here I was, surrounded by cherished friendships...and I don't even know how that happened. But of course, I had to know!

So here are some rules from behavioural science and my other not-so-serious learnings that I did use, that somehow led to this motley crew coming together.

Show Up:

You have to present in a space, and that in itself already predisposes people towards liking you. As Katie Goodman observed: ‘Like the casino sign says, “You Must Be Present to Win.”’ I hope that gives you hope to embark on this quest!

Know Thyself:

But before you set off, ask yourself the real questions. Ask yourself who you are, what kind of friends you want, what your social energy is like and how much time you have to invest in friendships.

Make an Effort:

Hiding away like Cinderella in the hopes that Prince Friendly will come knocking? Unlikely. Get out there, my friend. Friendships need effort. But the payoff is huge. Channel your inner social butterfly; or at least your sociable moth.

Find Your Jam:

Seek activities where you can be your unfiltered, unapologetic self. Because let's face it, nobody's making lifelong friends in a lawyer's waiting room…or can they?

Diversity is Key:

Don't go hunting for friends who are your clone. Differences are the spice of life. You might not share the same values, interests, or background, and that's perfectly fine. Mix it up; it's more fun that way.

Friendship Piggy Bank:

Make regular deposits into the piggy bank of friendship. Don't obsess over equality of effort; it's more about acknowledgment and appreciation. Think of it as an investment in a unique friendship portfolio. The numbers don’t need to match.

Read the Room:

Pay attention to the vibes you're getting. Friendships are a two-way street, but sometimes you might expect a BFF and end up with a casual trekking buddy. Adapt and roll with it.

Don't Take it Personally:

If things don't pan out, it's not always about you. Friendships can be fickle, and life happens. Take any feedback with a pinch of salt; it might just tell you a bit more about yourself.

Remember, people are creatures of habit, but if you're out there making strides to build or rebuild your tribe, there are others doing the same. Cheers to brave steps and the wonderful chaos of friendship-building.

Wishing you a friend-filled journey ahead!

Warmly,

Sandhya