“ADULTING"…a Millennial Struggle to GROW UP !

Yet another sad conversation with a very bright early thirties professional doctrinal candidate ….a young lady with some severe relational trauma.

I guess when you have been counseling people for a half a century everything kind of falls into certain patterns of behavior …..people are totally predictable….especially Millennials whose borders of social morays provide basically about half a dozen behaviors tracks

It is the same repeated love story

?…well I guess… let’s call it love at “first blush.”

Natural attraction…sparks….lots of romance….special moments…..kindness….joy and a overwhelming feeling of intention, purpose and direction into a bright future together.

As she cries and cries ….my big brown eyes exude empathy…..care….spiritual healing but my words professionally as the Old Yankee would say….”lance the boil” and skillfully in a process of disclosure search every corner of the wound….gather all the data and clean every scintilla of puss into the open air and sunshine.

I believe it was St Matthew that wrote, “what is loosed on earth is loosed in heaven…bound on earth is bound in heaven”

My therapeutic approach is holistic …as it is much more than just a psychological procedure but to immerse the individual into my world of spiritual experiences that are profoundly a much broader space …vast as the entire blue sky in which a truly interdisciplinary explanation can be provided

More than therapy it is about healing which is a cooperative experience of the Practitioner, Patient --Partnered with a host of energies that are beyond our total awareness

…..yet are always interacting with us

….just because you are not aware of their intention does not mean that they are not a part of the totality of your experience ?

While I cannot express all the elements that constitute these energies ….the successful longevity of their results have been proven to be most effective.

In this Quest or might I call it Struggle for maturity this “Plain of Consciousness” is absent for most Millennials that I encounter.

This very well may be the foundational deficit that has suppressed their maturation …..

The Spiritual Self or as the philosopher better described it the ?Noetic Self extends the consciousness of the individual beyond the sensory experience but to a mystical appreciation of something greater than ourselves

…whose intention promotes the “Greater Good” or as Aristotle spoke of the “Virtues” ?

……this broader field of vision discards the purely temporal and immediate but appreciates the value of eternal concepts that add meaning/ purpose to our lives

This is not the world of “Instant Gratification” which is the primary operating system of most Millennials

It is this purely Transactional approach to everything that devalues the hard working commitment – responsibility that comes in the Relational context.

Yes….your wife, children, extended family, clients and the greater community are but a reflection of the effort you personally invest within them.

Yes….its difficult, complicated, not always fair, requires great patience but most of all requires an intentional focus on other people more than yourself

This narcissism of center of the universe – Me- Me- Me- is directly the formation that folks like myself…you Boomer parents …who grew up in some level of depravity never wanted our beloved children to experience

You've been spoiled non stop since the day you’ve been born…..and sadly we enjoyed every moment of doing, giving, playing and loving you …..

Yet this Culture of Affluenza that you grew up in was the real world back in the day but is not the same world today

The endless parade of materialism, attention, Participation Trophies and this well intended motivation to build your “self esteem” failed to develop the resilience to ?the harsh complex world of our current times.

For old Boomers like us ….we grew up poor and are quite “fierce”, can live without, overcame lots of unfairness….we live now on the sunny side of our lives which were forged hard as steel by passing through some very hot fires.

In my probing with this young lady I’ve gathered now my entire “fact pattern”. The warm and fuzzy moments of empathy melt away to some directive action prescriptives.

From my experience…Female Millennials have far better flexed and transversed into a mature state of being. Their identity is well supported in the Popularist’s Culture.

Many role models, stories of shattering glass ceiling, lots of man bashing to empower a positive image of self that possesses potential and great self determination.

It is a tough balancing act here …as it unfortunately always seems to over compensate with desire of too much control, suppressing too much affect with an overwhelming feeling that if you’re not dominating you are not stepping up to where you need to be. ?

Dialing it that down a little actually demonstrates true integrated wellness. Having to prove yourself 24/7 is a crusade that is counterproductive…..something back in the 1980’s.

As an older man, my approach with such individuals is to immediate avoid all the intrigue, step back and remove myself from that circle of very bad karma.

So… as I told the young lady

….Yes….expect Respect….Care…Consistency…Appreciation as the bare minimum

Without these elements there is no relationship as the quality of your life is most fundamentally determined by the quality of the individuals that you allow into it.

You have earned the “Right to live without Disruption, Distraction, or in an environment of Distortions.

In her situation …we are psychological intellectuals that require daily focus to produce quality work….anything that gets in the way of that is a non-starter.

She responds back ….he tells me that this is selfish putting my career first … and I want all the control in how the relationship works.

Of course there is a balance but his absence of focus in his life and ability to manage his money, get his lifestyle issues in check is not your responsibility.

He is your boy friend and you are not some social agency vested in his ?rehabilitation

….I’ve seen all too many people believing that’s their job!

This is the common theme of these Millennial “man-children” ?and this one has the “boy-bun” also…..not to mention a thirty two years old man with a credit card from his parents

Before you think I’m going to throw him completely under the bus….

He is a product of how our society has demasculinized this entire generation of men

….they are so confused in the world of non-stop profiling and stereotypes

….their Boomer parents still parenting this “adult” man…..talking about all types of intimate subjects that I cannot conceive burdening my elderly parents with.

…in all too many situation due to the extreme financial challenges that many Millennials face receiving monetary support from mom and dad

It is the pattern of a pervasive cycle of pathology that disempowers maturity, positive self-development and esteem.

Still worse these patterns of behavior pervade in their work life and impact the culture of most corporations

The defense mechanism is apathy ….not caring…doing the minimum ….being emotionally constricted ….affectual repressed …with a social thinking deficit

..a individual without empathy and incapable of relational quality.

As we have spent an hour talking…her mood brightens …all of the bad karma is released

My final advice ….its time to “sunset” this relationship

Without drama or anger …..the tea leaves tell the tale

You will mourn the loss ….but you will grow

The world awaits your bright mind to heal many others

So Bless it and Release it….

There is so much better waiting for you

Be patient …the universe is moving in your direction.

After she leaves ….I reflect on the experience and wonder what collective impact this will have upon the future

Finally …I am grateful for the trust and ability to help her as we pass forward the gifts given to us by others when we were young …a chain of humanity in which if we are fortunate can be a contributing link that spans the ages