Adulting: The Enemies Edition

Having enemies as an adult is not something I ever anticipated having, which is why it has felt like such a weird thing to navigate.

What do you do when you find out you have an enemy? Are you bound to reciprocate the feeling? When you see them approaching, are you supposed to turn away? Should you unfriend them on socials - or should you let them continue to see you prosper (I mean, they do need content to fuel the disdain, right?)

Or are you supposed to be the bigger person and call them up for a coffee date to clear the air? You will propose to have the coffee date at a simple yet discrete coffee spot, one that is not too chic (to insinuate sympathy) but not too common (to seem uncaring). You will begin with pleasantries, order a drink (only a drink, in case the conversation goes poorly) and you will take the plunge and ask the question:

"Why do you hate me?"

You will watch them say they don't hate you, that they do not have the energy to hate you. You will then ask them,

"So why are you behaving like this?"

They will act a fool and say "How?"

It is then that you will realize that they're not going to shoot straight or give a sincere answer. (and since you already have too much on your plate, including surviving Rutonomics and wiping chalk marks of your luggage at JKIA) -??IFKYK- you realize that you simply don't have the energy for this. So you will say okay, initiate additional small talk for 5 minutes, ask for the bill, pay and leave.

Now, the tone of my voice might deceive you into thinking that I am joking. I am not. I recently found out I do in-fact have an enemy. Let me rephrase that. I recently found out that somebody considers me - Marion, their enemy. This means when this person hears a horrific story and says "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" - they mean me. I am that enemy.

"How did this come to be Marion?" you might ask. Or maybe you don't care. Either way, I can't answer that question. Why? Well...

because I don't know.

You heard right, I have no idea what I did to make them dislike me so much. What I can tell you though, is how I came to know they disliked me so much. The first hint was in how they began to speak to me. You see, this particular person was somebody I would see and do see on a regular-ish basis. As it is in my nature, I would greet them with very enthusiastic Hellos??, Smiles??, and Waves??. Their response was flat, with no eye contact and the hello sound that came out of their mouth was dry and faint, as though they were thirsty, and were trying to save saliva for future more important interactions. I don't know when it happened, but I do remember that not so long after that they just stopped responding to my Hellos altogether (I get it, saliva is; after all, a limited resource).

Next, a mutual friend of ours shared that they had been asked to unfriend me - given an ultimatum to choose whose friend she was going to be, mine or theirs. A 3rd friend and another acquaintance also relayed the very strong feelings this person had towards me. So I accepted.

Now, at this point, I want to apologize to you as the reader. This story might make you think that I don't care. That is not true. I have not only lost a friend but gained an enemy as well - and that is a hard thing to navigate. At some point, I remember sitting in the feeling and feeling quite hurt by it. But I was also so exhausted. Being an enemy comes with a lot of responsibilities, including having to reflect on your own behavior: you reflect, question yourself, analyze all your interactions, trying, seeking an answer for a downturn in the friendship. But soon that exhaustion turned into acceptance:

Part of respecting people's choices includes respecting their choice to reject you.

But friends, can we also agree, that if you're going to put this much energy into not liking somebody, at the very least, inform your family and closest friends. Imagine my confusion when their family and friends would ask me questions about "how is so and so doing?" and I would think, "Do you not know?". I mean, I would imagine that rallying the support of your community would be your number one agenda against your enemy.

I recently attended a concert where somebody shared a Bible verse that I had heard several times before.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Psalm 23:5 - ESV

The speaker said something I had never noticed before that I found both amusing and funny:

You need enemies for the table to be prepared in front off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should go around looking for enemies. But I won't lie, I was consoled that evening to know that even this seemingly difficult space to navigate, (though new to me) was not new to life and that my future success and joy, could be and would be, weaved around and in front of it.

Jokes aside, Merry Christmas friends. And for those we have hurt - don't ghost us - Life is short - Feedback is a gift - give it. And if that's too hard or not possible for you... then I'd say tailor the outfit and see you at my banquet!

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