Adulting 101

Gracia Casandra Sevenzayi

If l knew then what l know now, I'd have preferred to remain a baby...

Being an adult is challenging, being an adult in Zimbabwe - well, that’s another story for another day. As l turn 30 in 3 months, l try my best to be excited about it as l have made most with the little l have from being an adult.

Is this really what we were running towards growing up? I remember as little kids we were never excited about our parents giving us chores and we always thought that if we became adults there wouldn't be any chores. Fast forward to teen life - we craved for the freedom which our parents never wanted to give, and you can imagine being raised by a black African parent, there were so many no’s and one or two yeses, so we looked forward to being adults because we could have all the freedom we wanted with no one to give us chores. Now we are all grown up, and with the number of things we have to constantly think of or worry or plan for, chores and freedoms barely make it to the list.

Our parents tried to protect us from the harsh realities of this world, hoping that if they taught us to be good kids, kind and loving and doing well in school maybe, just maybe, we would be fine once we became adults. But even with all that, we still got to see the harsh realities of life.

I remember growing up as a teenager and someone would ask me my 10-year plan after high school. Like the Winky D song, l thought that by 25 l would have found a good job, l would be taking care of my mum and brother, doing my second degree, buying a house and so on... and eventually get married. The latter was always the last thing on my list or plan, why? You would have to read my previous blogs to know.

Things haven’t exactly gone the way l had planned - adulting 101. God knows, he truly knows how grateful l am for the life l am living and the things l have, and the experiences shared, but adulting is hard. I’m unmarried, the highest responsibility l have is to myself and yet l still struggle most times to give myself the life l have always wanted to give myself. I just thought about ladé song adulthood anthem lol.

I wish l could go back to my Mum and ask for her help or rather be dependent on her but l can’t – she is a civil servant whose current salary with the black market rates is less than half of my rent, so how can l bore her with my adult problems when she is also trying to make ends meet?

So many things to do, so little time to do them, and with our society knowing the ounce of energy required to be an adult and make it in life, and yet still expecting one to have certain things in life. Society expects me to have been married by now and as l turn 30, l should at least have had my second child, staying in a nice house, working a good job that will support the whole generation and be perfect at it because l am a woman, an adult ndofanirwa kushinga( be very strong)

If l'm a young woman struggling with adulthood, what about a young man? It must be hard being a young male adult and with what society expects of man...at this moment l'm grateful to be a woman. Men go through the most and they are expected to be perfect in every way, never show any form of weaknesses and for those who are married, you have 3 families to take care of – the one you created when you got married, the one where you come from and the one you married into. I don’t know how you men do it, but may strength always follow you guys!

I can barely take care of myself and if l'm to add a family on top of that mmmm damn. I have never been like other women who thought they needed to get married so that all responsibilities of being an adult and a parent would lie sorely on their husband. My mum raised me, and she taught me that should l get married l should be a helping partner so of cause the thought of many responsibilities stresses me out, because l always worry that l'm not even close to what l thought my life should be like

Funny thing is l’m truly grateful for the life l live, the adult that l am. It may not have gone the way l had originally planned but l have learnt to improvise as l move along the streets called life. Cheers to those who became adults at a tender age for different reasons and cheers to us who still haven’t given up, zvatiri kudai Mwari anotiona (a line from one of the favorite songs).

Adulthood has taught me that indeed l am stronger than l seem and l am capable of being just fine and happy with the life that l have as l continue to mould and shape it however l want.