Adulthood & Self-Actualization: Do These Go Hand-in-Hand?
Photo Credit @Lingjie Zhu

Adulthood & Self-Actualization: Do These Go Hand-in-Hand?

Becoming an adult is often seen as a matter of age, responsibility, financial independence or reaching certain milestones like finishing school, getting a job, or starting a family. But I asked myself: is that all there is to it? Is adulthood simply about taking on more responsibilities, or is it about something deeper…something very much connected to personal growth, self-understanding, and realizing our full potential?

While reflecting on the principles of self-actualization and adulthood, I’ve come to the conclusion that these two are more connected than I initially thought. Adulthood is more than just a series of external achievements. In my view, it is about becoming who we truly are, aligning our actions with our authentic selves, and pursuing what gives us purpose and fulfillment. From my personal and professional perspective, it is a journey that intertwines with self-actualization, the process of realizing and fulfilling one’s potential.

Adulthood as Self-Actualization: More Than Age and Responsibility

Traditionally, adulthood is marked by age and independence, taking care of ourselves, and contributing to society. But there’s a deeper transformation that often goes unnoticed, namely the journey of self-actualization. According to Maslow, self-actualization is the process of becoming the best version of ourselves, of aligning with our true identity, values, and goals.

This is where adulthood and self-actualization overlap. True adulthood is not just about taking on new responsibilities or becoming financially independent. It is about reaching a point where we begin to truly understand who we are, what drives us, what we value, and what we want out of life. It’s about making conscious decisions that align with our authentic selves, rather than simply following societal expectations.

The Stages of Self-Actualization in Adulthood

1. Identity Formation

One of the key aspects of self-actualization is developing a strong sense of identity. As we transition into adulthood, we start asking ourselves deeper questions: "Who am I? What do I truly want? What are my core values?" These questions form the foundation of our self-actualization journey. Without this clarity, it’s easy to get lost in the external markers of adulthood, such as a job or a relationship, without feeling truly fulfilled.

2. Taking Responsibility for Your Life

As adults, we take on more responsibilities, but self-actualization goes beyond just managing responsibilities. It’s about recognizing that we are in control of our own lives. Self-actualized adults don’t blame external circumstances for their situations; they take ownership of their decisions and actions, understanding that they have the power to shape their future.

3. Pursuing Meaningful Goals

As adults, we often set goals based on what society expects from us—building a career, starting a family, buying a home. While these can certainly be fulfilling, self-actualization encourages us to go deeper. What goals are meaningful to you? What brings you a sense of purpose? Pursuing goals that resonate with your authentic self is a key part of becoming a true adult.

Overcoming Barriers to Self-Actualization

Limiting Beliefs

Just as self-actualization requires us to break free from limiting beliefs, the transition to adulthood often involves overcoming fears of inadequacy, failure, or stepping outside of the norms. Many people struggle with imposter syndrome, doubting whether they’re truly capable of handling the responsibilities of adulthood.

Cultural and Societal Expectations

Cultural and societal expectations can create significant pressure as we move into adulthood. Depending on your background, you may feel the need to take certain paths, like getting married at a certain age, achieving a specific career, or living up to other kinds of family expectations. However, self-actualization challenges us to find our own path, to navigate and reflect on these expectations while staying true to what we deeply value.

Supporting Self-Actualization in Adulthood with Systemic Coaching?

This is where systemic coaching comes into play. Systemic coaching is a powerful tool for those navigating the complex journey of adulthood. It helps individuals see themselves within the context of their relationships, environments, and societal structures, offering insights into how these external systems shape their beliefs and actions.

How Systemic Coaching Can Help:

  • Identifying Limiting Beliefs: Coaching helps you uncover the limiting beliefs that might be holding you back from fully stepping into adulthood, self-actualization and other paths in life. By exploring where these beliefs come from, be it family expectations, societal pressures, or past experiences, you can begin to challenge and release them.
  • Aligning with Your Authentic Self: Through systemic coaching, you can explore your personal values, goals, and desires. You will be guided in understanding how your relationships and environment might be influencing your decisions, what interactions and perspectives are present. This helps you to align your actions with your true self.
  • Building Confidence: Adulthood requires confidence in your ability to handle life’s challenges. Systemic coaching helps build this confidence by creating a support structure within yourself where you can test new beliefs, explore new behaviors, and grow into your full potential. As I call it: “full independence”!

Adulthood as an Ongoing Process

It’s important to remember that becoming an adult isn’t a single moment in time but an ongoing process. Just as self-actualization is not a final destination, neither is adulthood. Both involve constant growth, learning, and adaptation.

Adulthood does not necessarily mean managing responsibilities or getting 18 or 21, but more about self-awareness, personal growth, and living a life that aligns with your values and aspirations. It’s about becoming the person you want to be, even if that path differs from what your surrounding expects.

Systemic coaching can provide support and guidance as you navigate this process. Let’s work together to help you step into adulthood fully, with confidence, clarity, and a sense of purpose.


Questions for your reflection:

  1. What does adulthood mean to me beyond age and responsibility?
  2. When did I feel a real adult in my life?
  3. What does full independence mean to me?

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