Adulthood: One Existential Crisis After Another
There is always an existential element to special days for me, whether they be birthdays, graduation ceremonies, funerals and everything in-between. Maybe I think too much, but the knowledge that a milestone has passed is, frankly, upsetting to my overactive imagination which begins to dredge up scenarios of possible complications that could come before, during and after.
Birth, as beautiful as it is, is the beginning of a new chapter in everyone's lives, this addition to the world that could go horribly wrong or very right. Graduation, a turning point in people's lives, the apex for some and another major accomplishment for others. Then there's death, necessary and as much a part of human existence as anything, yet widely feared and a threatening shadow for all humans.
Graduating from university (with a 2:1 in Media and Communication, a milestone that I was happy to accomplish and leave behind) was a bittersweet experience for me. The day of the ceremony saw my classmates happy and enthusiastic, yet I had approached the day with all the gravitas I approached my high school graduation. Which was none.
See, I could only think of everything that was wrong- that 2:1 which was not a 1:1, the seeming uselessness of my degree if I didn't find a side hustle which could make me money and provide clout as well as a job which would further my aspirations (which now seem childish and unattainable), the looming fees for a Master's degree thus continuing the seemingly never-ending cycle of payment for knowledge and my inability to voice my concerns for my future.
A common thread to all this seems to be fear. Fear of the stark reality of life and the coming trials and tribulations, and my skepticism that I will not be able to handle them at all. All this culminates in very specific episodes of intense doubt that manifest as what could potentially be termed as panic attacks. Nothing prepared me for the way I would feel at graduation, for the coming floundering to find a foothold on the ground, for the constant comparison of my life to that of others with far more "life experience" than I have by none other than myself.
Some days, all I can picture when I think of my future is that one mistake that every real adult seems to have made that set them back in progress or made them lose an opportunity and I think "What is my one mistake? Have I made it already?". I feel like I'm merely playing at adulthood, wearing shoes too big and fearing that they'll never fit. I feel like I'm not doing all the things the podcasts and books and "do this in your 20s" YouTube videos and real adults say I should do. When I spend money I think, "Should I not be saving that?", when I'm not searching for appropriate Master's degrees and scholarships lest another economic downturn occurs I think, "What do I spend my time doing that I can't focus on this one thing that I need, need, need?", when I'm not maximizing my talents or my time or my network I think, "Other people are, other people said I should, why am I not?".
These questions become an echo in my head and they ring and ring until I'm too flustered to function properly and I just give up. Fear is my driving force, the reason for my decisions and yet it hinders my ability to make meaningful decisions. I am wholly unprepared for adulthood and the ground seems further and further with each passing day. My dreams and ambitions have taken a backseat to the echo in my head that reminds me that one mistake could be my unrecoverable downfall.
Do any real adults have advice for me? Or are we all just stumbling in the dark?
Wow Tami! This article legit speaks to all my deepest fears. Before stumbling upon this article, the most meaningful help I got came from @Ayodeji Osikoya, who simply told me that "the biggest gift that young people have is FEARLESSNESS!" And this fearlessness, according to him, doesn't mean a denial of all these existing fears but rather, the ability to channel the fears as a driving force to JUST DO IT (as far as your mind clearly wants it). His reasoning was that whether we choose to agree or not, we all live in fears at every point in time, thus we work hard to NOT be poor, we go to school to NOT be called uneducated, we build the best houses and buy the most expensive cars to NOT be termed as poor, we sometimes help people and give to NOT be called wicked and stingy. But at the end of the day, whether we Do or NOT DO, we'd still get judged by others, so why not follow OUR MINDS and know that no matter what happens, we gave it OUR BEST shot. Like this, we are moving closer to leading a FULFILLED LIFE! Thank you so much, Tami! You've definitely given me more things to think about!
Tamilore. Some real adults are not even asking these soul-baring questions you've asked here. Thanks for sharing this and articulating it so simply. I'm starting a podcast that's addressing these existential questions about our adulthood in the Nigerian context. We should trade ideas some.?
Account Director at Ogilvy Africa | Strategic Marketing Communications & Brand Management Expert | Business Growth Performer | Advertising & Marketing
5 年The unending narrative of life...? We cant have it all until death come calling.. We take solace by living the and slabing it will our best!??
Brands | Social Impact | Media
5 年As adults, we've all experienced this stage, well maybe not everyone, but I have. This fear you talked about comes from what you think others i.e parents, relations and friends expect from you. So, constantly you measure yourself against what others have achieved to determine if you are succeeding or not. But very soon, you will discover that no matter how you try, you will still be unable to meet all expectations. The bar will keep going higher. When you get to this stage you will realise it's best to take one step at a time, one day after the other. You will learn to appreciate what you have, where you at, and how far you have come. And you will be grateful for every single step of your growing up.
Head, Marketing and Corporate Communications at AFEX
5 年I don't like to think about it as stumbling in the dark as much as feeling our way forward. You keep walking - no matter what - arms outstretched to test the air in front of you, and when those hands fall on a tangible opportunity, you use all your strength to hold on and pull yourself forward. That said, I think we all contend with these fears, but we have to be brave enough to analyse and make decisions despite; moving with all the current information we have, while working to acquire more that will put us on surer footing in coming days. Thanks for this honest article about the adult experience. Hoping that the knowledge that you are not alone in it gives you immense courage to keep pushing.