Adornment, Gender Gap in Grooming, and the Pink Tax

Adornment, beautification, grooming - these are words that used to trigger me. I took pride in being that girl who never wore lipstick and who would be forever seen in denims and a plain t-shirt. I opposed the idea of beautification so much that even if my heart would be on those colourful bangles, my head would criticise me for “belittling” myself, of lowering my aspirations from the headspace to the matter of adornment of the body, even though it was a desire aligned to my heart.

Like many in my generation of Indian girls growing in small towns in India, I was ambitious. Or I was conditioned to aim for a certain set of things. (While I am still expansive now, the things I desire for now look different from the list that I had back then.) Yes, I wanted to be successful, which I thought would only come through academic excellence, which I thought would come through long hours of studying and giving up my joy and rejecting any likeness towards anything that is a sign of physical manifestation of beauty. So, no looking at the mirror, no spending time combing my hair – just enough to pull my hair into two hideous plaits that would keep my hair in place, no colours or cuts that would accentuate me but anything that would hide me.

I spent my hours and days buried in books, conditioning myself to believe that beauty, and its pursuit was a waste of time.

But really, is it?

If anything, beauty, and its pursuit has been the most fundamental of human essence. We keep our places of worship beautiful. We marvel at historical artefacts. We admire craftsmanship. We are mesmerized by nature through its changing form. We admire radiant flowers, the brilliance of feathers of birds. We collect things to adorn our homes.

Beauty anchors.

Beauty soothes.

Beauty inspires.

Adornment is the art of accentuating beauty.

Why create judgement around it?

Is it because we have come to associate a certain gender to adornment in the patriarchal world and, like many things, have objectified adornment as well?

When did adornment (and self-care) became a women’s only topic ? Isn’t beauty universal? Should men not have equal access and choice to beauty, adornment? Have we forgotten how the men of our lands adorned themselves in jewellery and silk?

I know these questions will take shedding at many levels. But the point that I wanted to convey beauty and adornment, on their own, are not a gender specific topic. Human beings crave for beauty - in and around them. And adornment is an art, of accentuating that beauty.

It becomes a problem when it becomes an expected standard of a gender of “how to be”. On its own, adornment is an anchoring activity. For someone who religiously arranges flowers in the different corners of her home, nothing else settles me down more than the “beauty” in these corners. Similarly, over the years I have found the ritual of just gazing on the mirror and combing my hair a grounding practice. I spend those few minutes to connect with myself. I sometimes throw in a bindi, a pair of ear rings, some flowers in my hair and perhaps a few drops of essential oil. And many a times, just one or two elements from that list. I take these moments to appreciate my physical form and honouring it by adorning myself as well. I do this for myself, not because I am expected to show up in a certain way.

I wonder if we change our relationship with beauty and adornment, will pink tax still have a ground to exist?

Gender gap in grooming exists today and businesses exploit women by higher prices (aka pink tax) because we are all entrenched in the patriarchal narrative of one way of being, and of determining what that one way should be for women. What if everything was a choice and there was no standard narrative? What if beauty is about expression of individuality and not an expected standard – freedom vs compliance?????

Of all the practices that I explored – the one of dropping down to my body and honouring it, loving it and adorning it , has helped me heal. In the rituals of cultivating beauty and adornment – in and around me, I have found myself.

Hence, I wanted to share this perspective.

Its not beauty or adornment that creates disparities in genders.

Its how we have been conditioned to objectify the same.

Beauty, on its own, is truly a joy forever.