Adoption Finalization Day

One of the most exciting and emotional days for my wife and I throughout our adoption processes was our Finalization Day.

According to one adoption online resource, they define Adoption Finalization Day as "the official completion of the legal adoption process that awards adoptive parents permanent legal custody of their child. An adoption is officially finalized in court after a judge has reviewed the entire adoption to ensure it was completed in accordance with state laws. The adoptive family will then appear at the finalization hearing, which will conclude with the judge signing the final adoption decree, officially awarding legal custody to the adoptive parents."

Before considering and educating myself on adoption, I had wrongly assumed that when adoptive parents took physical custody of their adopted child, that the adoption would be done and final. To be honest, I figured it was like most other "transactions", whereby we would complete the required paperwork, sign a number of legal documents, then be granted full parental rights. That's not how the adoption process works, and for good reason.

When our adopted daughters were "placed" with my wife and I, on our "Gotcha Day" as discussed in a previous post, we were given temporary legal and physical custody of our daughters. When the birthmother had signed the relinquishment documents, she had legally relinquished her parental rights to our adoption agency, not to my wife and I personally. Our adoption agency then granted us temporary legal and physical rights to care for our daughter until our Finalization Day, which would be up to 6 months later.

During this wait time, my wife and I cared for our daughters no different than any biological parents would their own biological children. An outside observer seeing our family wouldn't know any difference, other than the fact that we had no birth certificate with us named as parents. Instead we were given an Adoption Certificate, which could be used for doctor's visits, emergencies, travel (if need be), etc.

During the wait time, we were also required to complete two additional home studies, whereby an adoption caseworker would stop by and visit with us for a short while. It was her job to see how our daughter was doing, how we were doing, and to ensure that we were abiding by the requirements of our adoption. Usually these meetings were a quick check-up, followed by ooohing and ahhhing over our newborn baby.

But the real excitement and emotion came somewhere around 3 - 6 months later for our Finalization Day. On this day, we would travel to Fort Worth, stand in front of a judge, surrounded by our friends and family, who would officially grant us full parental rights. My parents live in California, and we had invited them to join us on our Finalization Day. In hindsight, I had done a poor job explaining in advance to my parents the significance of the Finalization Day. I remember my Mom in particular pulling me aside afterwards, full of emotion, so thankful for including them in this monumental day in our lives. For my wife and I, Finalization Day was up there in importance and excitement as much as the day a mother gives birth. It was the day that our daughters were officially and legally renamed as a Simpson, a revised birth certificate ordered with our names as parents, and all legal and parental rights granted to us, no different than had our daughters been biologically born to us.

One of the most memorable parts of Finalization Day for me, was being in the courtroom as the other Finalizations were going on. Our agency would organize multiple finalizations to occur on the same day, so we might be in the courtroom with 10-15 other adoptive families. Each of them would be surrounded by friends and family, would be dressed in their nicest clothes, and would stand before a judge who would require them to make an oath promising to love and care for their child unconditionally for the rest of their lives. Happy tears would be shed, pictures taken, stuffed animals given by the Judge to the child, and the other families waiting in the courtroom would cheer and celebrate the new connected family.

When our name was called each time we adopted, our large group of family and closest friends would make our way to stand in front of the judge's bench. Our attorney would make a few procedural comments about who we were, the name of our child, and the purpose of our being there that day. The judge would ask us to recite a short sworn oath, filled with fun and joy, to promise to dress my daughter every day as cute as she looked that day, to spoil her rotten, etc., and then by the power granted to him, would officially declare our daughter to be a member to our family. Each and every time, I choked back happy tears and emotions as I worked to answer the judge's question, or to recite the oath. It was a very similar feeling to when reciting my vows to my wife the day we married.

Afterwards, the judge would ask if we wanted to take pictures to memorialize and celebrate the incredible experience. The judges were always great - asking if we would like to come behind the bench and stand beside the judge. During our first finalization with Emeline, the judge asked if he could hold her in his lap. We placed her in his lap, after which she immediately proceeded to fart on him - we all had a great big laugh, and our girls find that story hilarious to this day. In front of the bench were tons and tons of placed stuffed animals, of all types and sizes. The judge would allow each family to take a stuffed animal for their child.

These caring judges were responsible for hearing all sorts of legal cases - from civil to criminal. They had to preside over some very horrible stuff on a day-to-day basis. We were told by our adoption agency just how much they enjoyed setting aside time once a month to do adoption finalizations, and to be part of something so magical and joyous. They were always genuinely happy and completely supportive of our family, and helped that day to make us feel like the proudest parents in the world - and for that I am eternally grateful to them. Thank you!

After the hearing, we always made it a tradition to go celebrate during a later afternoon lunch with our family and friends who had joined us that day. The gratitude and appreciation from my wife and I for the presence of these family and friends joining us cannot be overstated. Ashley and I are so thankful for their physical and emotional support during such an important day. At lunch, we would order a bottle of champagne, have a wonderful meal, make a toast, and then have dessert...lots and lots of dessert!

And then we would make the drive back home, our family legally and officially one child larger than we had come to Fort Worth!