ADHD and me

October has been ADHD awareness month and I’ve been meaning to write something: but typically as somebody with ADHD I’ve procrastinated, over-thought it and not written anything until the last moment!

It’s a cause close to my heart. I am a parent of three neurodiverse children and, as a result, it was only when my nine-year-old son was diagnosed at the age of six that I was diagnosed myself and somehow my entire life made sense.

Under-diagnosed and under-treated, girls with ADHD face distinct risks. It took a long time to figure out how it presents in girls and women and the problems that can create. It was predominantly studied in boys: white, hyperactive, school-aged boys, to be specific.

Whereas many boys with ADHD are usually more physically restless and impulsive, many girls with the disorder are more introverted, dreamier and distracted - or in clinical jargon, ‘inattentive’.

That’s me.

I enjoyed school, I wanted to do well, but I’d zone out in a lesson - forgetting completely what was going on. I’d get hyper-focussed on things like whether my handwriting was perfect, so I’d start over, and never finish. I’d misplace things, like my school bag. I’d get up from my seat for no apparent reason. I’d want to achieve a thousand things in my day, but leave it all to the very last minute.

But, what I wasn’t was disruptive. I didn’t overwhelm the classroom or my teachers and so, like millions of other girls, I was overlooked. It’s called ‘Referral Bias’ – you get referred if you’re noticeable.

I wasn’t noticed, until I saw it in myself.

Going through my son’s diagnosis pathways for ADHD, reading all the research and information out there, ultimately seeking my own diagnosis as well, was life-changing for us both.

I initially felt angry for having slipped thought the net. Wondering what my life might have been like if I could have been better understood - helped to stay focussed at school, finish more homework, hold my temper etc. The repercussions can be serious…

Girls with ADHD are likely to:

• Be diagnosed with depression or anxiety instead:- I was diagnosed with ‘stress and anxiety' and prescribed Propranolol with little interest from the GP.
• Experience a worsening of symptoms in their teens:- I did become quite destructive as a result of being told constantly I was lazy or wasting my ability.
• View their difficulties with organising and prioritising as character flaws.
• Suffer from low self-esteem because of their ADHD symptoms:- Growing up with undiagnosed conditions tend to carry a heavy load of shame and women with ADHD tend to over compensate later and set ourselves impossible benchmarks to hit.

You don’t need me to explain here what roads that list of symptoms can take you down. As I reflected on the life I’d led to that point of diagnosis it was clear things could have been different, but they could have also been much worse.

The fact is, like many conditions, having a name for it changes things – having an understanding of it in general terms leads to a nuanced understanding of what it means individually for you. We are all individuals.

ADHD is a spectrum disorder, encompassing people with mild deficits as well as those with serious impairments. Researchers today classify people as having one of three variations: hyperactive, inattentive or a combination of the two.

The fact is, all of my ‘flaws’ have enabled my superpowers to grow, and I’ve found my passion and hyper-focus can be a blessing when channelled positively! Bank cards, keys, phones, watches, still go missing. I still get up for no reason, I can still be impulsive, the millions of browser windows open on the computer attest to my ongoing procrastination.

But I’ve learned deeply about these traits, and so have the people around me. With that awareness comes control and opportunity - opportunity that has, most importantly, helped me provide a different journey in life for my kids as well as building a successful business.

After decades of failing to recognize ADHD in females opportunity is increasingly to hand, across all stages of life, to create the necessary systems of education and work which nurture the widest possible range of cognitive diversity we need in society to tackle the challenges of the future.

I’ll write again soon with how I’m working to help with that….

More information on ADHD can be found here...

• https://adhduk.co.uk/
• https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/
• https://adhdfoundation.org.uk/