ADHD Awareness ramblings from a late diagnosed woman

ADHD awareness week popped up on my feed today - I'm not sure who decided which week of the year all these things happen but I always find out a little late to the party.

What to say? Since getting diagnosed nearly 3 years ago, I've been on a up and down journey with the whole thing, but I do know that every time I've opened up about my experiences, I've connected to new people or helped someone who was struggling themselves. So, a summary of where I've come from and where I am today seems like a fitting things to write about.

Getting diagnosed was a weight off my mind (2021). I only realised I may have ADHD 6 months before, and never associated with it previously (I wasn't the hyperactive boy sat in the back of the classroom disrupting people, so why would I?).

I went through what I can only describe as a grieving process post diagnosis - I call it the penny drop moment. My whole life metaphorically flashed before my eyes - the times I'd failed, the times I'd burnt out, the sick days, the feeling of overwhelm and why I just don't have the words to describe or even understand the internal challenges I faced every day which caused me such anxiety at home and at work (worth noting I got diagnosed during lockdown after an incredibly stressful period - if lockdown had never happened, I may never have gone down this path). It's hard not to hold onto this negativity and fall into the trap of 'if only I'd known sooner, my life would've been so different'. But, you have to let this go.

I decided to take ownership of my strengths, and build structures that I work very hard to maintain. My focus on 'goals' and 'resolutions' in life, shifted to one goal of building consistency in everything I do (exercise, diet, friendships, meditation, etc). Understanding how to manage my mental overload and creativity. I can now own my strengths and articulate with confidence what I'm great at, and set boundaries for things that I know are counter productive (bad sleep, bad diet, alcohol, etc). Consistency is not about perfection, it's about... well, consistency. I do not succeed with this all the time. But I know how to come back to it when I do fall into bad habits.

My journey with meds only started this year (Feb 2023) - I didn't pursue them straight away 1) because I was planning to start a family, and 2) I didn't want the chemicals. Self managing worked for a while through diet, exercise, building sleep habits and reducing alcohol, and going on maternity leave for a year shifted my perspective. But I do struggle with being that overstimulated mum. I often find myself disengaging from my identity of self and the ability to be a good partner when I am spending all day being touched out, needed, grabbed, talked at, etc,, and putting my child's needs before my own. I had a whole heap of challenges with this, at one point the idea of leaving the house was so stressful to maintain my toddler's routine that I didn't go out for nearly 3 months.

Returning to the workforce as a new mum, with ADHD, balancing a 4 day week and transitioning from baby to toddlerhood, is challenging. There are not enough hours in the day to craft my perfect routine of daily workouts, 3 home cooked balanced and nutritional meals, meditation and getting everyone up and out and logging on and off to pick up a tired and overwhelmed toddler at the end of each day. Medication has worked for me, but is not a holy grail. It is a tool.

It was amazing for 2 weeks (who knew that giving us ADHD'ers meth would help us calm down), but you chase those moments of clarity and all the 'bees in your head' going dormant for 8-10 blissful hours a day, with dose increases seemingly ongoing, yet never fully attaining said clarity and peace. It's a tool in my belt, alongside consistently trying to eat better, find time to workout not everyday, but 3 times a week, etc.

I'm at a point now, 3 years post diagnosis that I am very open about my experiences - I know many people who have received diagnosis' later in life recently. I often joke that neurodivergent people are like moths to a flame and unknowingly something in our brain chemistry leads us to connect with each other. The human brain and social bonding is awesome.

At first, I had a sense of fear that my workplace would see it as a negative, and realise I didn't deserve that promotion, or would overlook me for projects for fear I might burnout - but I'm fortunate to have never experienced that. Instead, I felt more confident to say yes and no to things and learn my own boundaries.

My next personal phase is starting with an ADHD coach at the end of this year, which I recently discovered is available to be funded by the Access to Work scheme, so I'm excited to take this step and dive into my own brain chemistry and what makes me this frantic little weirdo that I am. At work, I'm often seen as someone who can excel and take on loads of projects, execute them near flawlessly and bring my colleagues and clients along with me. The things that don't get seen are the hours of hyper focus on tasks that I'm sure anyone else could complete quickly, and on the flipside my ability to simplify complex challenges and be creative with ideas on the fly. It's why sales suits me so well. On the other flip side, I face a lot of mental struggle and procrastination with tasks that take me away from my core passions and drain me of energy. I am good at building structures and processes, mainly through necessity.

In my personal life, I am a chaotic whirlwind of inconsistency, organised chaos (hello floordrobe, my poor husband) and get overwhelmed by simple tasks. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good mum, but know I often focus on work and being a mum at a sacrifice to other areas in my life. And perhaps this is the phase of my life for now, until my kids are older and more independent.

Kudos if you've made it this far to my rambling, but if any of the above resonates or you have questions or just want a natter, my inbox is always open. I am keen to build a community of ND peers, inside and outside of work and support each other.

#adhd #adhdawerness #adhdinmedia #adhdinwomen