ADHD is all about Emotions

I hate this picture of myself.

It’s me pretending – pretending to be confident, pretending I’m comfortable with someone looking at me, even through a lens, pretending that I wasn’t in floods of tears 10 minutes before the picture was taken, forcing a smile -something I grew up doing constantly.

Tears are a big part of ADHD for me.

Emotional regulation is one of the executive functions impacted by ADHD. These executive functions are what we use to monitor and guide our behaviour, stop ourselves, think things over, control our emotions and motivations. ?Different people will experience a different profile of executive function weaknesses. ?But recently I read in a book, which in true ADHD style I can’t remember or find, that ADHD is in fact all about emotions.?For me this is so true.?I can’t find the reference but I use this statement with confidence because it resonated with me so deeply and for me emotional connection means information is retained; always.?It was an ‘aha’ moment.

Nothing, which can be attributed to ADHD for me, is without an emotional response.?Feelings of shame, frustration, low self worth, anger, resentment, despair are frequent.?So are pride, excitement, enthusiasm, joy and wonder.

One of the challenges with ADHD for?people who want to understand and those who want to be understood is that everyone can identify with the multiple facets of ADHD.?Everyone is a bit forgetful, bit distracted, bit impulsive, feels the need to move, overthinks, loses things.?So why is this a problem – surely being able to relate is a good thing? ?Well the difference is because people with a neurotypical brain can choose to address these issues with relative ease, the temptation is to think the same is true for someone with ADHD; that they understand what is required, the level of application, concentration, focus required to interrupt or change behaviours, experiences, emotions.

It is perhaps impossible to understand how a simple mundane task can require the same cognitive effort of a much greater cognitive challenge.?Sometimes it is the mundane task, without the interest to drive attention, which is so much harder to complete than a much more complex cognitively demanding task.?That logic is difficult to match up for someone who hasn’t experienced it.?It really requires a leap of faith.?An acceptance that it is without rational explanation, evidence.?That’s the potential problem, that requires an amount of drilling, explaining, revisiting.???The ADHD experience so often defies a rational understanding or interpretation.

It is perhaps more true when it comes to the emotional aspects of ADHD.?Everyone has emotions.?Everyone experiences big emotions from time to time.?But as with all the other ADHD presentations it is the degree, the concentration, the capacity to overwhelm every other function that is the issue.?Rejection?Sensitivity Dysphoria isn’t even a criteria for the DSM-V diagnostic model.?This doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.?And do people who don’t experience get it??No, I don’t think they do, how could they? It is its resistance to logic and explanation that makes it so shaming.?And emotional responses are much more complex than shoes been left in the middle of the floor, cupboard doors being left often, keys being misplaced.?Emotions in one person elicit emotions in others.?

An RSD response is irrational on examination, often to the person experiencing it once the RSD episode has passed, let alone to an outsider.??The risk is it then becomes a dirty little secret.?It is incredibly shaming to be held hostage to your emotions.?There are different degrees of RSD but this hostage taking is what happens when you have an RSD ‘episode’.?It is physically and emotionally exhausting.?The trick is to stop it before it happens, but life happens, new scenarios, emotional demands catch you out.?It is something I constantly strive to manage, with support.??

If it’s not caught then for me, it has to run its course. ?The ADHD brain does not have in place the traffic light system to reroute the emotional responses.?The barriers are missing, flooding happens, the emotional brain is like a dog with a bone.??In an ideal world I would remove myself from the world in order for it to pass with as little impact on others and therefore myself as possible.?But this isn’t always possible, sometimes it worms its way into my life through the back door, unexpected and then it’s too late.?Life happens and if there happens to be a weakness in your protective armour then there is only one outcome.?For me, I become stuck in it, at its mercy flung around like a boat in a storm, taking out others with me.?It can be a messy and uncomfortable experience to witness as well as experience directly.?Fortunately, many ADHDers seem equipped with natural buoyancy and will float to the surface, but will be physically and emotionally weary as a result.?Support, empathy, acceptance and forgiveness can aide the recovery but may not always be available.?Reflection, awareness and coaching can help reduce the likelihood of repetition.?A change in the sensory environment is perhaps one strategy to connect to the body’s nervous system and by pass the cognitive weaknesses, but in our digital world that is not always an option.

I wonder if we accept the prevalence of heightened emotions in the ADHD experience both for ourselves and others, would we be less inclined to add to the layers of emotions through judgement, fear, worry, shame – our own and others???Could this approach lessen the negative impact??If parents and teachers are able to feel they have permission to help their child recover from an emotional outburst rather than attribute a punishment or consequence, could the harm be lessened, the impact on mental health of the ADHD experience be reduced, less likely to span a life time or require therapy to address.?If partners can recognise these emotional states as something separate from the person they care about, could the impact be easier for both parties to manage?

I realise in addressing the universality of these issues that although young people will always be central to my work I want to reach out to others, not?just parents, teachers but adults who are beginning to wonder about ADHD in later life. ?There’s no cut off point in the value of self awareness, it’s a life lesson and if we’ve had a life of blinkered awareness then there’s even more learning to be done and undone.?If I can help others understand and develop greater self awareness in sharing my experiences and encouraging them to share theirs, through my work, then it would be a privilege to do so.

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